Monday, December 13, 2010

Public Service Announcement

To students coming to my office for last-minute conferences:

I know this is a very busy week for you, but Axe body spray (or the slightly more exotic but equally pungent equivalent favored by some young men of Southeast Asian descent) is not a good substitute for showering. In fact, since I'm mildly sensitive to artificial scents, I actually deal better with eau-de-unwashed-undergrad than cheap cologne (not that I'm fond of the former, mind you, but I don't end up with a lingering headache after the bearer leaves the room). You might want to consult with your female colleagues; although they've come in looking equally sleep-deprived and generally bedraggled, they have all, so far, managed to smell -- well, neutral, at least from a foot or two away. This is conducive to my concentrating on their papers.

P.S. I'd also appreciate it if you could refrain from wiping your nose on your hand immediately before using said hand to reach into your bag and pull out your paper. I'm willing to engage once more with your prose, but the prospect of living with your germs after I've submitted your grade is decidedly unappealing.

Cassandra (feeling a bit fluish) out.

3 comments:

  1. Is this a fantasy, or did you post it on your door?

    I'm with you; I'd rather smell the student. Once someone wore such a strong scent to class that I had to say something. I didn't know who it was, but the second time it happened, I asked the whole class to lay off the cologne or whatever it was, because "the last thing you want is a cranky professor with a headache."

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  2. Nobody is willing to smell like a U-boat captain in America because funk has been beaten to death in advertising.

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  3. I like to think there's a special place in hell for people who feel the need to marinate in their own body spray/cologne/perfume.

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