Asked by not one but two students during an exam: "Professor, where it says, 'Your Name,' and there's an arrow pointing to a blank line -- should I write my name?"
Could I even make up this stuff?
Now here's the "stupid question" challenge: Top this. (My fear isn't that you'll top me. My fear is that you won't. That this really is my classroom world.)
I shit you not: I had an email last year where a student requested my email address when it was on the syllabus/course webpage. It's right up there with the line from the Simpsons, "Quick, what is the number for 9-1-1?"
ReplyDeleteDamn, the best I have is "How many feet are in a mile?" and "What does 'careening' mean?" It's quite common for students in my intro-astronomy-for-non-majors class not to know that Earth goes around the Sun, or the cause of day and night. I haven't yet been asked how many hours there are in a day.
ReplyDeleteHow about physics grad students who can't name the planets in order, outward from the Sun? Or how about physics majors or grad students who ask to do a research project in observational astronomy, and when I tell them what to do, they yelp, "Oh, I didn't know you had to stay up past midnight!" This being an observatory, what in Heaven's name did they think it was that we do? And I had no problem staying up past midnight when I was an undergrad, especially when partying.
I confess, though, that none of mine match yours.
Student: "So you just said we can’t copy any stuff from the Internet into our essays. And we also shouldn’t copy what you said in class. Then what’s left to write about? If it isn’t online and it isn’t what you said, WHAT ELSE IS THERE?"
ReplyDeleteI find this "what else is there, other than the profs opinion or the Internet?" to be very disturbing.
Sadly, I know that if you'd joked and said, "Write your dog's name there," you'd be grading exams for Spot, Fluffy, and Jimbo.
ReplyDeleteI did have a student ask if our 11 o'clock class met at 11 a.m. or p.m. I responded with: "Think about it."
It might not be blatant stupidity. Some profs that I have unfortunately know have very strict rules that the name be written BELOW the line, ABOVE the line but not TOUCHING the line, or ON the line. Failure to do the right thing causes deduction in points. Students get paranoid. The rest of us suffer.
ReplyDeleteIf you are one of these people cut it out, pretty please? If the name is on the paper give them goddamned credit.
The lab manual my students uses has little circled numbers inserted into the directions that key to the lines where they are to record something. The lines on the data pages have little circled numbers in the exact same font/size etc. To further help the little morons out, the lines are set up to make the math easy (numbers that are used together get written consecutively with arithmetic symbols in between). If something is data, it is a plain line with the circled number next to it. If it is something to be calculated, it is an un-numbered line in a grey rectangle. I've explained it a zillion times "If it's just a line, you're supposed to write down something you measured. If it's in a grey rectangle, it means it's something you have to calculate."
ReplyDeleteSo last week - line number 1 "mass of crucible and cover". line number 2 "mass of crucible, cover and sample". First rectangle "mass of sample."
I look over and there is calcium carbonate all over the balance. There is, we'll call him "Hank", adding two numbers together. He'd weighed the crucible and cover. He'd weighed the calcium carbonate...DIRECTLY ON THE BALANCE... and he was adding them together to fill in line number 2.
What the fuck purpose did he think knowing the combined weight served if it wasn't to be used the other way around?
holy crap - I'm as bad as they are - I left out the question part.
ReplyDeleteSo I said "What are you doing?" and he said "I'm adding these together to get this." and I said "You're recording on a calculation line and calculating on a recording line. You never weigh things directly on the balance, you're supposed to weigh it IN the crucible." then he said....
"But then how can I get the mass of just the sample?"
Umm, EMH, I'm confused...
ReplyDeleteThose questions you passed out in class, were we like supposed to do them?
My response: No, I was told that the dorms had a shortage of toilet paper.
"Is this going to be on the final?"
ReplyDelete"Is this for a grade?"
ReplyDeleteI wish I could truthfully say I was making this up:
ReplyDelete"How do you spell this word?" while pointing to the word in the statement of the problem (yes, it was spelled correctly).
Student declares in class "That is not in the text!" Well, yes it is. "Prove it," she says. I walk to her desk, flip to the page and ask her if she'd read that section. She points to the photo caption and says "See, it isn't there."
ReplyDeleteI point to the text body, where the information in question is a bold faced subject heading.
Student: "You expect us to read that, too??"
-Student raises hand during final exam, points to a question about a concept we had studied in the course, and asks, "'Ethics'--does that mean where you come from?"
ReplyDelete-I've had multiple students ask me, during exams, which century corresponds to a given numerical date (i.e., 19thC/1800s). Seriously, some of them are even unable to calculate it backwards starting from the present century/date, after I drop that as a hint.
-I once had a student look blankly at me when I mentioned in class that students would have to get the textbook no later than next week. "So, I should buy the book?" asked the student. After I replied in the affirmative, said student again asked, "So, I should buy the book, then?"
From an exam this week:
ReplyDeleteWhen it says the ratio of X to Y increases, that means it stays the same, right?
I have to post this for a friend....
ReplyDelete...this week her class was talking about the spread of the flu and was brainstorming a list about what could be done to minimize contagion.
After the whole list was made one guy raised his hand and goes "You've gotta wipe in the right direction!"
And she was like o.0. Unfortunately he went on, "But that's for girls, you know, like with guys it doesn't matter. You can wipe either way."
Her text to me about this matter involved the phrase, "I now know that one of my students probably has dingleberries on his balls."
This thread is too much fun.
ReplyDeleteLate to the party, as usual, but I have to add my favorite this semester.
The Scantron form includes a "Mini Essay Book" that's saving me lots of grading time. Next to the multiple-choice portion is a page with many blank lines. At the top it says, "Start writing here."
Guess what the student asked me while pointing to that line when he got to the essay portion of the exam?
Yep. "Should I start writing here?"
"My exam isn't here."
ReplyDelete"Really? What's your name?"
"[Very Distinctive Name That Starts With S]"
"Oh, yeah. I graded that. Did you check in the "S" pile?"
"No."
"You should look there."
"Which pile is this?"
"This is the H pile. It has a sticker on it that says 'H.'"
"Well, how was I supposed to know that?"
durrrrrr.