Date: Thur, 17 May 2012 21:40:36 -0600
Dear Happy Napper
Do you see the words above, starting with "Dear"? That's called a "salutation" and using one makes you sound like less of a useless, entitled douchebag.
Do you see the words outside of the message box in the upper right and corner, starting with "sent"? That's called a time stamp and you can't forget that because the system puts it there for you. It let's me know that your e-mail regarding "difficulty" submitting your take home test was sent 39 hours after the test was due. So even if what followed had been otherwise valid, your problem arose after you already missed the deadline i.e. your excuse is irrelavent.
Now let's try a mental experiment. Close your eyes. Visualize the science building. Imagine you are walking down the one short corridor of chemistry offices. How many doors do you see? Is your mind's eye not up to this? I'll give you the answer: Five. There are five of us. Now, try one more visualization. Picture the doors. Picture them. Picture the two covered in pictures of African American children. I know you took Biology for Non Majors and got a B, I can see your transcript. Can those be my children? What about the Korean babies? Think they belong to me? There are only two doors left. See the little rectangular plaque that slides in and out of a plastic sheild? See the one that says Professor Notwombatofthecopier? See the one that says Wombatofthecopier-Visiting-Instructor? Can you guess which one is mine?
Now I need you to look for more words, they are below this message, below yours, even lower in the original e-mail I sent you in February, the one you dug up to "reply" to in order to contact me. See starting with "Room" ending in "1776"? That's my room number and I gave it to you in February when you used "I can't remember your office number" as your excuse for not turning in your lab report. It let's me know that your current claim of forgetting my room number is absolute bullshit.
But wait, there's more I want to share with you! You know what else is a clue that you know where my office is? When I went in on Tuesday to get all of the last minute crap people shoved under my door Monday night when it was all due, I found some of your shitty D+ quality work. If you knew where it was Monday afternoon and forgot already by Monday night, then hopefully you already forgot you sent me this asinine message.
Have a nice life, loser.
PS Fuck You