tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post2208681534271019019..comments2023-10-15T04:23:50.187-04:00Comments on College Misery: Weekend Thirsty. No Wonder College is So Miserable. We Don't Have Any Good Jokes.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-18610565553217478782012-10-22T01:20:23.654-04:002012-10-22T01:20:23.654-04:00I was at a social function, some years back, with ...I was at a social function, some years back, with a bunch of university profs in attendance, none of us yet to have kids except for one pair who were expecting, and who had just purchased a new car seat and were having trouble installing it. A small crowd of us gathered around the minivan, including several engineering profs, shouting out advice and suggestions to get the car seat installed Prof Poopieheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00997969128824319914noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-56056819976914302632012-10-21T19:07:13.802-04:002012-10-21T19:07:13.802-04:00Knock. Knock.
Professor: "Who's there?&q...Knock. Knock.<br /><br />Professor: "Who's there?"<br /><br />Department Chair: "The Chair!"<br /><br />Professor: "I'm sorry, President Obama, but you will have to come back during my office hours!"Ripbergerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01685894007541567391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-65116356577752987142012-10-21T17:04:40.775-04:002012-10-21T17:04:40.775-04:00That's better!That's better!introvert.profhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09042783611716432247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-39416013589452680802012-10-21T07:31:01.578-04:002012-10-21T07:31:01.578-04:00Q: How many tenured professors does it take to cha...Q: How many tenured professors does it take to change a lightbulb?<br /><br />A: "Change!?!?!"Rosencrantz Andor Guildensternhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05095512139776536635noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-50055570523986954392012-10-21T01:39:21.723-04:002012-10-21T01:39:21.723-04:00A lost student stops a professor of English. &quo...A lost student stops a professor of English. "Excuse me sir, but could you tell me where the library is at?"<br /><br />"You're at Harvard now, so you should know not to end a sentence with a preposition.<br /><br /><br />"Oh. Excuse me, but could you tell me where the library is at, asshole?"Philiphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05244643308698776814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-30607680963111029532012-10-21T01:33:18.057-04:002012-10-21T01:33:18.057-04:00Link not working? Google "Why did the chicken...Link not working? Google "Why did the chicken cross the road philosopher."The Contemplative Cynichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02088570661592922436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-64890444073896278472012-10-21T01:32:03.143-04:002012-10-21T01:32:03.143-04:00Not a joke about academia, but more about philosop...Not a joke about academia, but more about philosophy. It's an oldie, but a goodie: See <a href="http://philosophy.eserver.org/chicken.tx" rel="nofollow">here</a>The Contemplative Cynichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02088570661592922436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-60478889896028047592012-10-20T22:42:46.096-04:002012-10-20T22:42:46.096-04:00I'm trying to think of some humanities and soc...I'm trying to think of some humanities and social-sciences equivalents. So far no luck. Anyone have any suggestions? Contingent Cassandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08161652083031423415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-25221900706018713412012-10-20T21:53:44.346-04:002012-10-20T21:53:44.346-04:00if it smells, it's chemistry
if it move, it...if it smells, it's chemistry<br />if it move, it's biology<br />if it doesn't work, it's engineering Middle-Aged and Morosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04046076243513948921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-77755373140621878992012-10-20T17:36:28.351-04:002012-10-20T17:36:28.351-04:00I'd just use various examples of snowflake beh...I'd just use various examples of snowflake behavior that you've read on this blog. That always amuses my students'.The Contemplative Cynichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02088570661592922436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-29212440163053428922012-10-20T16:47:23.013-04:002012-10-20T16:47:23.013-04:00An administrator is lost and decides to ask for di...An administrator is lost and decides to ask for directions. He pulls up by a guy on the sidewalk, winds his window down and asks "Can you tell me where I am?"<br /><br />"You're in a car," the passer-by replies.<br /><br />"Ah, you must be a professor," says the administrator.<br /><br />"Yes I am, but how did you know?"<br /><br />"You're Robin Adamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18279300747434403947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-37120596866901097192012-10-20T16:12:18.604-04:002012-10-20T16:12:18.604-04:00These aren't all college specific, but for a v...These aren't all college specific, but for a very long thread of jokes told by very smart people, see <a href="http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/012199.html" rel="nofollow">this Making Light thread from a couple years back</a>Irritated Isishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15415532947857584043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-43829812472302759032012-10-20T15:45:42.275-04:002012-10-20T15:45:42.275-04:00Forgot to add: "chemist" and "mathe...Forgot to add: "chemist" and "mathematician" can be replaced with any fields of your choice. See also <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Twisted-Tales-Shakespeare-Richard-Armour/dp/0070022518" rel="nofollow">Richard Armour's footnote</a> to Shylock's line, "How like a fawning publican he looks." [note]<br /><br />[note] Republicans please read, "How like a introvert.profhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09042783611716432247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-51060626349102912622012-10-20T15:42:20.404-04:002012-10-20T15:42:20.404-04:00That reminds me of a good old violist joke. Here&#...That reminds me of a good old <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=viola+jokes" rel="nofollow">violist joke</a>. Here's a transposition, which a violist would probably not be able to do.<br /><br />A chemist at a third-tier primarily-undergraduate institution is walking on the beach, when he finds an old bottle with a stopper sealed with the Seal of Solomon. He breaks it open, and the introvert.profhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09042783611716432247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-5433625792076491462012-10-20T15:36:00.463-04:002012-10-20T15:36:00.463-04:00Sorry, but he got his friend to change it so it...Sorry, but he got his friend to change it so it's not his fault it was done wrong.Sarcastic Bastardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01407507896787403097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-71377966457311287372012-10-20T14:41:38.952-04:002012-10-20T14:41:38.952-04:00An engineer, a computer programmer, and a business...An engineer, a computer programmer, and a business manager are taking a drive in the Rocky Mountains when the brakes on the car go out. Their lives flashing before their eyes, the car careens down the road. Amazingly, they make it to the bottom of the mountain and coast to a stop.<br /><br />The engineer pulls out a multi-tool and says, "Let me look under the hood, maybe I can fix it."Alan From Apexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01366176105581248496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-25615338391977275082012-10-20T14:15:19.268-04:002012-10-20T14:15:19.268-04:00The other day I was dreaming that I was lecturing ...The other day I was dreaming that I was lecturing my class. I woke up . . . and I was. <br /><br />The Latin professor on his way home gets mugged by three young men. When he arrives home, he's all disheveled, his tie is askew, his sports jacket torn. His wife says, "My God, what happened to you?" "I was walking home through the park," he said, "when all of a Professor Chiltepinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10087270705989845484noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-24442277929790729792012-10-20T14:00:37.066-04:002012-10-20T14:00:37.066-04:00Note: also works for statistics majors.Note: also works for statistics majors.Defunct Adjuncthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12954331373226016090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-51672255907433994912012-10-20T13:59:56.389-04:002012-10-20T13:59:56.389-04:00Three economists were out hunting, and a bear came...Three economists were out hunting, and a bear came into view.<br /><br />The first economist lifted his rifle, aimed, and fired, but the bullet passed a yard to the left of the bear.<br /><br />As the animal looked around in confusion, the second economist fired, but missed by a yard to the right.<br /><br />The third economist started jumping up and down with excitement. "We got him! We gotDefunct Adjuncthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12954331373226016090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-70846365180940696572012-10-20T13:57:00.528-04:002012-10-20T13:57:00.528-04:00Psychology is really biology.
Biology is really c...Psychology is really biology.<br /><br />Biology is really chemistry.<br /><br />Chemistry is really physics.<br /><br />Physics is really math.<br /><br />And math is really hard.JLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08360311120304151592noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-42104799013932087962012-10-20T13:53:28.637-04:002012-10-20T13:53:28.637-04:00I suspect most of the good college jokes do, indee...I suspect most of the good college jokes do, indeed, have to do with departmental/disciplinary/professional peculiarities. For instance, I found <a href="http://comminfo.rutgers.edu/~pack501/tothinkabout/antidote/lightbulbjokes.php" rel="nofollow">a list of not-bad librarian jokes</a> (by googling "Deans" and "light bulb jokes"; I didn't go down all the results, but I Contingent Cassandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08161652083031423415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-66934097079369944812012-10-20T13:45:01.036-04:002012-10-20T13:45:01.036-04:00I like it -- it captures the spirit of the majors ...I like it -- it captures the spirit of the majors well -- but didn't the engineering major violate the terms of the assignment (no stopwatch/timer is mentioned)? And the professor forgot to stipulate that the barometer needs to be intact, and available to be returned, at the end of the experiment. One would hope that such instructions aren't necessary, but sadly, they are. Contingent Cassandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08161652083031423415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-65813549101842307982012-10-20T13:40:08.246-04:002012-10-20T13:40:08.246-04:00A math major, an engineering major, and a business...A math major, an engineering major, and a business major are taking a general ed physics class. Their assignment: Determine the height of the Arts & Sciences building using only a barometer. <br /><br />The math major takes the barometer to the ground floor, takes the readings, then goes up to the roof, takes the readings, and calculates the height of the building from the difference in airAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-80058552462997857382012-10-20T12:06:54.793-04:002012-10-20T12:06:54.793-04:00That's basically what I was thinking, too -- I...That's basically what I was thinking, too -- I could name some colleges that are, unfortunately, jokes, but can't think of any good college jokes. Contingent Cassandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08161652083031423415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2883226237165701608.post-53202546192889001212012-10-20T11:24:59.189-04:002012-10-20T11:24:59.189-04:00Q. How many students does it take to screw in a li...Q. How many students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? <br /><br />A. Thirty. Out of that many, you will probably have one with initiative. <br /><br />Oh, wait, that's not funny. It's only true.introvert.profhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09042783611716432247noreply@blogger.com