But I don't know if I can.
How did it get to this point? Why do I have to overhear the following conversation outside in the hallway.
Here are the characters:
Sophomore Sunny - wholesome, pretty, blonde, toothy.
Chairperson Chuck - leads like a McDonald's asst. manager, goes where the wind blows philosophically, perpetuates the snowflake syndrome in every conversation you are forced to have with him.
Tenure-Track Trevor - my pal across the hall, works hard, holds the line on standards, generous with his time and energy for students.
Eddie on the Edge - me, sexy beast, all caught up on grading, troubled that Charlie Sheen
hasn't replied to the application I made at Internship.com to work with him, jaded, close to saying 'ENOUGH WITH THIS GODDAMN CAREER,' but having a good day otherwise.Here's the setup:
It's a nice Thursday afternoon and TTT is meeting with his students in one-on-one conferences. He does a bang up job on this and even gave the rest of the department a little seminar over cheese and Hawaiian Punch one afternoon about it. TTT has been in his office for about 2 straight hours and because of our proximity - and my mindless noodling on the computer - I've been able to hear him work with students. Great stuff. Good suggestions. He lets them lead, he offers some possible next steps, he gets them to voice it in their language, and off they go.
After a few minutes of silence he comes over. We all have a departmental meeting at 4 pm and it's 3:50 now.
The scene:
TTT: Hey, Ed, you sexy beast. (looking down the hall). I've got one more student but she's ten minutes late. They know better than that.
EOE: Trevor, my man. What do you think about that fucking job candidate we had last week?
TTT: Oh, my lord. I think we should just cancel the classes rather than give them to some of these people we've seen.
(A blonde appears in the hallway.)
SS: Oh, Dr. Trevor, I know I'm late. But I know you're always in your office at this time of day.
TTT: Oh, hi, Sunny. Yes, your appointment was for 3:40. I'm out of time for today; I have a department meeting to get to.
SS: Oh, but I know you wanted to meet with me. I'm here now
.TTT: Yes, I did want you to meet with me. I wanted to help you on your project. But your time has passed and now I've got some other things I have to do.
SS: I don't understand. How am I going to get help? Do you want me to stick around until after your meeting and get help then?
TTT: No, Sunny, actually I'm going home then. That's the end of my day.
(The Chairperson arrives in the hallway, and forms a triangle with TTT and SS. I am still safely in my office. I'm checking Sheen's Twitter feed.)
CC: Hello, Dr. Trevor (then seeing me), and Dr. Eddie. I have to say I overheard you all. Dr. Trevor, please take the time to meet with your student. I don't think missing the first part of the departmental meeting will be the end of times.
TTT: Thank you, Chuck, but Sunny has missed her time. I'll meet with her at another time.
SS: But I'm here now. And I came all the way from Xxxxxx Hall. I have my project. I didn't know the time mattered so much. (Pout. It's a grand pout. It makes me hungry it's so damn good.)
TTT: Sunny, let us meet next week during my office hours. Your time has passed and I have other obligations.
SS: But....
CC: Don't be silly, Dr. Trevor. Your student is right. She has come a long way. You two go ahead and - er - Eddie can fill you in on the meeting.
(A frozen minute begins while Trev's wheels turn. Sunny's pout starts to turn - slowly - into a smile. Chuck nods his head like a Bobblehead
full of liquid mercury. I check Amanda Bynes's
Twitter page to see if she's posted any more bare midriff photos. When I look up again, Trevor and Sunny are in his office, and I'm 3 minutes late for the departmental meeting.)SCENE!
Chairperson Chuck is a jagoff who deserves to have his faculty acting in exactly the way Sophomore Suzy is acting. If you want a challenge to keep being in academia fresh, I recommend you take his job as Chair, the next time it becomes available.
ReplyDeleteLove the story, Eddie, mostly because your office hours sound just like mine.
ReplyDeleteBut, Chairperson Chuck. What a tool. Poor Trev.
Froderick, the best way to make an academic regret his poor choices is to make him Chair.
ReplyDeleteI never understand anyone getting in between a discussion between a professor and student. Chuck may have even meant well, which is almost worse, because it means he truly is dumb as ditch water.
ReplyDeleteBut the other thing in this post that triggers for me is the casual notion Sunny has about being late for a scheduled appointment.
Am I the only one old enough to remember how proffies of another day would treat someone who lazily showed up late for an out of class meeting? Jesus, it would never occur to me to do anything other than kneel and await my beating.
@Sultans: Hey, I had a blast when I was chair. But then, I had a blast when I was in high school, and also had a blast when I was in grad school. (American academics love to spend the rest of their lives complaining about the miserable time they had in grad school, much like all Americans do about high school.) But then, I enjoy a double hernia.
ReplyDelete@Calico: Sure, but Sophomore Sunny was born since the customer service model became popular in academia. It's quite safe to assume she's never had a beating in her entire life.
I can't believe you people spend your life with these frivolous complaints when a giant earthquake hit Japan today. Shame on all of you for being so petty
ReplyDeleteAND, the teacher does have a responsibility to meet with the student. How would you feel if your dentist refused to see you, or if a waiter refused to bring you your meal, or if your boss just stopped paying you.
ReplyDeleteYou wouldn't like it, would you?
Oh, do be so kind as to tell us when all serious suffering has come to an end so that we have your permission to air our petty complaints.
ReplyDeleteOf course, if our petty complaints are disallowed on days when there are tsunamis, your petty complaints about our petty complaints are also disallowed. You might care to look up the word 'petard.'
And if my dentist refused to see me because I was late for my appointment and his workday was done, I would think it served me right. But then that's because I had two real parents who taught me that appointments mean something and actions have consequences, not a self-righteous, snowflake-enabling pseudo-parent like you.
Oh, and "parent" ... your "examples" are a straw man of false equivalence.
ReplyDelete(That's smart person talk...)
Your boss can and DOES stop paying you when you fail to meet the obligations of your job. People who show up late to work LOSE their jobs. It's called being fired.
The dentist can and should refuse to see you if you missed your appointment ... and many would still CHARGE you for the time. You have no way of knowing if s/he has another appointment when you deigned to show up and it is NONE of your business.
And finally, the waiter could refuse to bring you food if you were a total tool but would run the risk of losing his/her job (see "fired" above) and the restaurant would likely attempt having a different waiter bring you your food. Unless, of course, you were a tool to that waiter too. Then you'd likely see the manager/owner who would ask you to leave as in "we refuse the right to deny service ...".
But then again, I guess given your hyperbolic self-importance you've probably experienced a few of these situations.
As for making such comments during tsunami time, I live on the other side of the world. Beyond a vague feeling of concern for those affected and perhaps sending a financial contribution to assist in recovery, no one's calling me to bail water.
What is calling me is my job, to meet with the very student being described here.
Excuse me, "Parent," but your logic stinks. That there was a huge earthquake in Japan is tragic and certainly merits concern, but it doesn't follow that it's OK to relax standards in academia today. That's called a "non sequitur," which means "it doesn't follow."
ReplyDeleteHey Parent, I bet you're ugly.
ReplyDeleteTroll feeding noted.
ReplyDeleteOh, I wouldn't put up a fuss about meeting that student if the chair said I should. I'd just see to it that the meeting counted for naught. If TTT is smart enough to give good advice, he is smart enough to give no advice. Even when he is talking.
ReplyDeleteI'd meet the student and be cheery and sympathetic and willfully obtuse, to the point where she learned nothing helpful and had to return for that second appointment.
Then, I'd send her out and stay an extra twenty minutes in my office, avoiding the meeting, drinking tea and reading about Charlie Sheen, secure in the knowledge that the chair thought I was following his instructions.
After that I'd secretly pee in Chuck's coffee.
@introvert.prof, he certainly knows how to push all the right buttons.
ReplyDeleteI'm being sexist and assuming that the troll is a "he."
As I noted, it's the beginning of the end. Now that the parents of the world have turned over your rock, the last remaining "corruptspondents" will have to close the sit down.
ReplyDeleteImagine the nerve of you fucking people, TURNING AWAY A STUDENT WHO WANTS HELP? And nobody except the parent calling you on that shit. You should help the student ANYTIME they want it. Bullshit. You're running scared now.
Lights out tonight.
Is that you, Mo'amar? Because it sounds like the out-of-touch comments of a guy like Khaddafi. Or are you Saddam Hussein's old information minister, Mohammed Saheed Al-Sahaf?
ReplyDeleteThe founder of pets.com? It doesn't matter; this site is not going away (unlike Khaddafi's government.)
Holy Fucking Asshats. That chair should be fucking SHOT. if I were Trevor I would never ever again under any circumstances do anything for that fucking worthless chair. Next time he needs someone to serve on a committee? No. Needs help with a student? No. Write that report? Nope. Nothing. NEVER. That chair never gets another second of my time for anything not absolutely mandatory.
ReplyDeleteI do not BELIEVE this story. What an evil worthless sack of stupid worthless shit.
Please tell Trevor I said so.
What a moron that chair is. Trevor was an emormous departmental asset and the idiot has just pissed it all away, lost all the goodwill essential to running a department in one moronic act of dick-waving. He's never going to have Trevor onside for anything again.
anonymous, your true colours are showing, and you're kinda cute.
ReplyDeleteStella, I like you.
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ReplyDeleteAllegations to the contrary, I and many of my colleagues carry out our assigned duties regardless of the literal and metaphorical tsunamis that occur in life. I have seen colleagues give lectures hours after easing a parent into death, mark papers to meet student deadlines while suffering emotional and physical ailments, and generally give of their time and energy to help those students improve performance. Last year, I delivered a lecture despite not having bathed or changed clothes for a 36-hour period because of an emergency with my own parents.
ReplyDeleteOTOH, I have seen students claim the equivalent of an in-grown toenail as a reason for accommodation.
The visiting trolls remind me of those who lurk on the Entertainment pages of HuffPo, waiting to pounce on unwary posters, chiding them for their superficiality in light of global crises.
The student has a right to receive help. The student does not have the right to receive help ANYTIME she wants it. In what profession does this logic fly.
ReplyDeleteTTT did not tell the student that he could not help her. He said that he could not help her AT THAT MOMENT. Although he did not have another student waiting, he did have colleagues waiting. Department meetings are also part of his JOB.
I do not understand why it is unreasonable for adult students to be expected to meet deadlines and show up on time for their appointments. If they are not held to this reasonable expectation, then how are they going to function in the "real" world with the attitude that they can simply complete their work and show up for their appointments when it is convenient for them. Not only does this self-centered attitude impact the productivity of a business/work environment as a whole (i.e. the business loses money because of the delays), the utter lack of respect for other people's time is appalling.
When adults SCHEDULE appointments and cannot make them, they reschedule them if they cannot be seen IMMEDIATELY. They do not stomp their feet and demand to be seen at the moment the most convenient time for them.
Parent- what if I showed up at your workplace as a "customer" and demanded that you stop what you are doing (or about to do) and demanded that you see me. What if it was the most convenient time for ME, and I at least made the EFFORT to go to your place of business because you ARE ALWAYS there from 9-5. What if I thought your reasons for not be able to do this were "petty," regardless of what they were. Because YOU did not find TTT's reason good enough does not mean anything. His reason is irrelevant. He did what he was suppose to do: he made time to be available for his student for help and was in his office waiting as scheduled. When he had to move on to his next commitment, he offered to reschedule.
Professors are not on call 24/7, although many work as if they are. Also they are not paid for all the hours that they work. And yes, they work when they are not meeting with students.
No wonder students are so clueless.
So is Chairman your boss? If so I think unfortunately you have to suck it up, but I also wouldn't be doing the guy any favors and I would have a conversation about not undermining me in front of my students. If not I would have said something like "Well thanks for the input, why don't YOU go to the meeting for me as I know my co-worker here has a schedule he needs to keep." I have found often times if I make shit run uphill they stop asking me.
ReplyDelete@Eddie: Aargh. Just aargh.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the chair just doesn't want to be elected ever again.
ReplyDelete@Parent -- shit happens and we know that. If the student was in the hospital, or had a family emergency, or got into a car accident, we wouldn't get pissed. What we get pissed about is the students who waste our time because they think out time is less valuable than theirs and because they think we should drop all of our other obligations to bend to their schedules (and whims).
ReplyDeleteIf my dentist won't see me because I was late and he has another appointment scheduled immediately after mine, I realize that it's my fault and I reschedule. If I show up late to a job interview because it took longer than I thought it would to drive across town, I understand why the employer doesn't hire me. Students need to realize that yes, it *is* the professor's job to help them -- but it is NOT the professor's job to drop everything to work around the student when the student screws up. When we do that, we are teaching them that this kind of behavior will work in the real world (it won't). We hurt them more in the long term than we help them in the short term.
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ReplyDeletePS: Are you one of those parents who emails me at 8:00 p.m. on a Saturday to ask questions I can't legally answer due to FERPA restrictions (and wouldn't answer even if I could, because your kid is a grownup), and then gets pissed off when I haven't responded by 10:00 a.m. on Sunday? You are, aren't you?
ReplyDeleteI find it unprofessional and offensive that the chair would undermine a faculty member in front of a student in that fashion.
ReplyDeleteCerberus, that is the problem in a nutshell. Even if the chair DID think TTT was being too hardass, the appropriate response is to wait until the student is gone and then privately have a word with his colleague about perhaps being more flexible in future. Even then, however, since TTT has an excellent teaching track record, were I the chair I would not bother.
ReplyDeleteBut humiliating his colleague in front of a student? That's incredible. Were I TTT I my attitude to the department would have changed abruptly and drastically, and likely permanently as a result of this single event.
@cerberus
ReplyDeleteWell spotted.
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ReplyDeleteDear "Parent",
ReplyDeleteI hope you fucking helicopter crashes!
Danke
ReplyDeleteSeriously, there are three approaches the chair could have taken:
1. Stay the fuck out of a faculty member's student business, unless a serious issue is in play.
2. Advise/correct/yell at the FM in private, and leave the student out of it.
3. Do 2., and give a separate, private interaction with the student, reinforcing the importance of faculty time and of keeping one's appointmens. Also on the importance of self sufficiency.
Preferred answers are given in order.
Even my douche-iest chairs didn't pull this sort of bullying/theater. My past bosses who were bullies, however, frequently did this sort of thing.
Am I the only one who thinks that 'Parent' is really a student (and not a parent)?
ReplyDelete@Anthro Girl -- I *hope* 'Parent' isn't really a parent, for the sake of his/her hopefully nonexistent children. But I have seen this kind of attitude of entitlement among both students and parents today, so I'm not sure.
ReplyDeleteI thought the fact that she/he referred to university professors simply as "teachers" was itself somewhat telling of her/his mindset, though.
The chair was wrong, but chairpersons want to be well-liked by everyone, even students, and that's a lot easier to do when you don't have to teach those same students. He sounds like one of those buffoons who typically runs a department in which everyone else is doing actual work.
ReplyDeleteHowever, Eddie isn't exactly a dish of peaches. What's with reaming the job applicants - it has nothing to do with the tale of woe with Sunny, just a sly dig at those pathetic folks who might actually want to teach in your department. And Sunny's pout made you "hungry"? What's up with that, do mean, hungry for pastrami-on-rye or Hungry Like The Wolf?
Eddie may be right but he comes across as smarmy and a little too pleased with himself. Sorry, that's how it reads. Maybe just needs a little editing; the Edward Albee format doesn't suit.
Parent is obviously a troll and actually quite an amusing one. Don't take the flame-bait, just snicker. Clearly Parent is trying to make us laugh.
First, EOE, this was beautifully written. Thanks for the good read!
ReplyDeleteSecond, the chair is a tool. May he be visited by a thousand snowflakes and their parents at the end of the term.
Third, there are trolls! Mmmmmm...trolls! I love trolls! They taste like chicken!
Another "amen" to cerberus' points. This is not good chairing.
ReplyDelete"Holy fucking asshats" is my new favorite expression.
ReplyDelete