As I don't want to be overtaxing your attention, I'll just keep it to the most outstanding event of this past week in the life of Dean Suzy. The beer.
I dragged into the dean's office rather tired, as I was up grading (yes, I have to teach and administer) until the wee hours. My secretary was hopping mad. "People are just so inconsiderate and stupid!" Sure, I'll sign that any hour of the morning. But what's up?
It took a few questions to understand what had transpired. When she went to put her lunch in our locked microkitchen, she discovered that someone had stocked the refrigerator with beer. Lots of beer. So much beer, that there was no room for her lunch.
Now, for many of our fair readers this would be a cause for celebration. But there is a problem here: we are a drug-free and an alcohol-free school. My secretary is a recovering alcoholic. We have another staff member just back from drying out. Not only were the (empty) cases blocking the closets, there was no space for people's lunches. I quickly decided to empty the fridge, lock the beer in my office, and put a note on the fridge: See Suzy about the beer.
I forgot to add "See Dean Suzy about the beer."
Next morning I had a nastygram in my box. From a colleague in another faculty. Addressed to "Mrs. Suzy". Turns out, all the staff keys fit our microkitchen. And he was having a party, he's new and was bringing a case of beer for his new colleagues to enjoy and where did I get off taking his beer and ruining his party for him (really - he sounded just like a snowflake!). I could have put a note on the fridge before he put his beer in it letting him know that was our private fridge. But no, I had to go and ruin his party yadda yadda yadda. I think he missed the bit about me being a professor and a dean when he looked up my email in the staff catalogue.
I replied first thing in the morning stating that I understood that he was upset, but was he aware of Ordinance 27/03 forbidding alcohol and other drugs in the workplace? I explained that we had believed that the kitchen was ours, not the whole school's. We paid for the fridge ourselves and it's for people's lunches. And we have alcoholics who should not be faced with a wall of beer first thing in the morning. Oh, and I noted that he could have put a note with his name on it on his beer, so we could have contacted him. And I cc'd his dean, sweetly offering to put the case in his dean's office so he can pick it up there.
He hasn't said a peep, but my dean colleague (with whom we are in a budget struggle) suggested Mr. Beer and I meet for a coffee and iron out our communication problems..... No way. Monday morning I lug the beer up to their offices.