Yesterday's pageviews were 5000+, biggest one day total since coming back from hiatus...thank you.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

"List Isn't Long Enough." Sent in by Sid From Santa Fe.

The Big Thirsty from Belinda in Boston.

I never get this group.
From the Daily Nebraskan:

Many students despise group projects, professors should take note

When is somebody going to tell teachers that group projects are not such a great idea?

Don’t get me wrong, there’s value in learning to construct ideas and make them a reality together, the whole “two heads are better than one” mantra. But how many of us really enjoy being held responsible for any head but our own?

The Rest.

Q: What do you think about using group projects? 

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

"Male Grad Student Pretty Sure Female Colleagues Are 'Paranoid B-Words." Most Sent Link This Week. From

Life is hard for the male grad student whose heartfelt cry you're about to read. That's because somehow — and he has no idea how this could be happening — he's always offending his female colleagues, who seem to think he's some kind of sexist douche.

A tipster sent us the Crybaby's recent Facebook post, wherein he confesses that he "often offends" the women around him, and he doesn't understand why. He's tried to so hard to learn all those stupid rules said women are always going on about, like not interrupting or calling them stupid or anything. And yet somehow they're still always mad at him! Must be because they're all "highly ambitious, paranoid b-words."

Click here to see his cogent sociopolitical analysis, with some identifying details redacted.

I'm Hiram and I'm Baffled By Students Who Can't or Won't Follow Instructions.

So I set as a goal this year to make students follow ordinary and quite limited guidelines when turning in essays. I see about 400 essays a semester, and I believe that readers have expectations about content and style, and in the academic world, yes, some of those include format.

I told my students in September that even messing up where the student ID block went would result in a rewrite. I give them a copy of a correct essay format the first week. There's page number shit, spacing, all that. Even font size. Good grief I hate myself for that.

But still, many weeks in, students just fucking ignore all of it. And I pass papers back with RESUBMIT on them and sometimes I see them again and sometimes I don't.

Klueless Kevin has had 2 of these so far. No grades of course because I haven't read any of his work yet. (I tell them this.)

He came to my office yesterday and asked how he was doing.

"Well, you don't have any grades yet. You haven't resubmitted your essays in the required format."

"What? You mean I have no grades."

"No, of course not. You have to resubmit the papers in the format for class. I wrote it on both essays."

"I thought that was just so I'd do better on the next essay."

"Well, sure, but your second essay was done incorrectly as well. I'm happy to look at anything you've got though once you get them fixed."

"What's the right format?"

"Well, it's one of the first handouts, it was emailed to you with the subject line 'format requirements for essays.' I put it on the screen one day, and it's on our LMS page."

"Oh. So I need to fix those before you grade them?"


"Well, were they any good?"

"I haven't read them at all. I won't read them until they match the requirements for class."

"So I have no grades at all."

"Not yet. But I'm looking forward to it when you do."

Compound Cal Sets His Sights on Closing the Page Down For Good With a New Feature.

Dr. Amelia Wants Us To Play a Game. Anything to Avoid Reading Plagiarizing Pete's Newest Essay.

A colleague of mine got a cookie without fortunes in it. I wrote him a few. Can you come up with others?

  1. The winds howl. Whine-ter is coming.
  2. The research problem you are having will prove intractable.
  3. Coffee with your colleague will be the best moment of your day.
  4. "Sick" for the midterm Suzie will not pass.
  5. It is not your imagination. The students are snap chatting your outfit.
  6. You will spend your winter vacation doing research, and not feel like you have done enough.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

I'm Not So Impressed With the Ivies Anymore. This Class Taught at UPenn is Like EVERY FUCKING CLASS TAUGHT AT MY COMMUNITY COLLEGE.

ENG 111

Students will be required to stare at the screen for three hours, only interacting through chat rooms, bots, social media and  listservs. Distraction, multi-tasking, and aimless drifting is mandatory.

- Sid from Santa Fe

Speedy Titular Rant

Dear "Student"

     You are in a gigantic open lab where six classes are meeting simultaneously.  Stop shouting out "Professor" every time you have a question; you're driving five of us crazy.


Our New Vidshizzle Correspondent Is Worried His Posts Might Kill the Page. We're Going to Post as Many as He Sends Us To Find Out.

Performing "Le Sigh" Can Get You Suspended.

Dr. Jekyll: Hyde, my dear man, you know how much I dislike College Misery linking stories, but this one is just too good to let by.

Prof. Hyde: Enlighten me.

Dr. Jekyll: Let me put it in clickbait terms. The professor sighed heavily. Then THIS happened...
"A professor was suspended from a top university for nine months following accusations he 'sighed' and was sarcastic during job interviews. Thomas Docherty was banned from the University of Warwick in January for allegedly giving off "negative vibes" and undermining the authority of the former head of his department."