Top 10 practical things I’ve learned after being a professor for a while:
10. Buzzword Bingo makes department meetings just painful instead of fatal.
9. Some students will believe any shit I say. (Hint: every challenging science question can be side stepped by answering, “That’s hard to know due to relativistic effects.”)
8. The campus “escort service” is just for helping students walk to their dorms safely and absolutely nothing else.
7. Members of the Board of Trustees wear suits. If you attend their meetings, so should you.
6. Sleeping with co-eds is more difficult than the videos I saw on the web led me to believe.
5. Being nice to the office admin pays off in spades.
4. People are disappointed that I’m not as smart as the professor from Gilligan’s Island. Well, sweetheart, you’re no Ginger.
3. Not being paid during the summer sucks so much that it makes writing research proposals worth the effort.
2. Nobody wants to hear about how hard it is to teach two MWF courses each week.
1. I’m becoming that old fart down the hall.
that really brightened up your graphic!
ReplyDeleteBetween Bitchy Bear and Beaker Ben, I'm really glad I somehow also ended up with a BB nickame. I'm in the presence of legends...
ReplyDeleteJust here to send some blingee love your way!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing what you've learned. If you've kept only 1 professor from getting arrested for propositioning a campus cop, it's been well worth it :)
ReplyDeleteBTW, I looooove Bingo. I play just about every time our university president speaks.
Then there's, of course, no good deed goes unpunished.
ReplyDeleteAs for buzzword bingo, each time there was a staff meeting at the place I used to teach at, I could have played several rounds (bizbabble variation) each time the department head spoke. Whatever phrase happened to be in vogue quickly became part of his vocabulary. I doubt he ever believed what those words meant as I'm sure the only reason he adopted them was to prove to his superiors that he was worthy of promotion.