I can't guess what #6 is. I'm only up to #4 myself. From what I can see around me, new faculty and administrators look down on older professors who have not adjusted to the new style of the university (more research, better "customer service").
I'm at 4.5, in which it becomes apparent that you will get poorer and poorer every year even if you do keep up your fucking research. Step 6 used to be "check out, take up birdwatching for the next 20 years," but I think that one's being eliminated due to budget cuts.
I'm at 4.5 desperately trying to avoid 5. I know it will be my turn sooner or later, but there are one or two eager idiots in line in front of me, so I'm still hoping for later.
My long-range plan for 6 was to grow my nose hair until I could braid it and wait for my 401K to kick in. But now my 401K is where everyone else's is, and I figure they'll have eliminated tenure before I can retire, so I'll need to keep grinding out the books until one day I just drop dead in front of 40 sleepy sophomores.
Hey Archie, don't worry about being department chair. I had a blast when I did it, because I got to do lots of wonderfully therapeutic SHOUTING! Therapeutic for me, anyhow. Don't worry, nobody got it who didn't richly deserve it. Just think, too, being chair is a job much like being in the Mafia: you do it once, and you're in it for life.
I'm stuck between one and two...out of academe this year, in fact. Needing to find ANY job - when you know the job you WANT to do - sucks moose testicles.
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Changing the world, one copy at a time...
ReplyDeleteI can't guess what #6 is. I'm only up to #4 myself. From what I can see around me, new faculty and administrators look down on older professors who have not adjusted to the new style of the university (more research, better "customer service").
These are possibly the best thing on the site. Good stuff!
ReplyDeletePretty sure I'm going to be checking out at step 1.5.
Brilliance!
ReplyDeleteAnother work of Folkchurch genius.
ReplyDeleteI'm at 4.5, in which it becomes apparent that you will get poorer and poorer every year even if you do keep up your fucking research. Step 6 used to be "check out, take up birdwatching for the next 20 years," but I think that one's being eliminated due to budget cuts.
Nice...
ReplyDeleteI'm at 4.5 desperately trying to avoid 5. I know it will be my turn sooner or later, but there are one or two eager idiots in line in front of me, so I'm still hoping for later.
My long-range plan for 6 was to grow my nose hair until I could braid it and wait for my 401K to kick in. But now my 401K is where everyone else's is, and I figure they'll have eliminated tenure before I can retire, so I'll need to keep grinding out the books until one day I just drop dead in front of 40 sleepy sophomores.
Good times.
For item 4:
ReplyDeleteEnrollment is up.
You’re getting a course overload.
Aren’t you lucky?
The administration so pleased you're
so popular with the students.
Also, in 5, what the dean is more likely to say is:
NO!
Hey Archie, don't worry about being department chair. I had a blast when I did it, because I got to do lots of wonderfully therapeutic SHOUTING! Therapeutic for me, anyhow. Don't worry, nobody got it who didn't richly deserve it. Just think, too, being chair is a job much like being in the Mafia: you do it once, and you're in it for life.
ReplyDeletePerhaps we should take heed of the philosophy of other esteemed doctors, such as Dr. Dre (2001): "So fuck ya'll, all of y'all"
ReplyDeleteI'm stuck between one and two...out of academe this year, in fact. Needing to find ANY job - when you know the job you WANT to do - sucks moose testicles.
ReplyDelete