Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I love when they save me the trouble of having to actually grade some of their exams

Dear Students,

     I noticed some of you were struggling with your cheating attempts today.  So I wanted to share some tips.  Think of these as "Hints from Heloise... for cheating ****s".  Use them in good health (because every time you get sick, I have to sort through 14 lies and a forged note from the infirmary to get to the other side, and I would rather go pumpkin picking this weekend).

Love,
    Wombat OTC

  1. If you know your friend is an idiot, don't copy from them. 
  2. If you are sitting next to a wild card, don't copy from them, they might be an idiot.  Remember, it's only worth the shot if you're sitting next to someone you specifically know to be much smarter than you. 
  3. If you managed to open the book on the floor next to you without your teacher seeing, and you are trying to work out a problem about sulfurous acid by copying an example with formic acid, don't write out the formula for formic acid on your paper.  Oh, and be sure you don't accidentally use the numbers from the example (unless they match the numbers from the test question).
  4. If the kid next to you has done several lines of math and you write down the answer, and it's wrong, and you have no work, your professor now knows who cheated from whom. 
  5. If it seems like the kid in front of you has 15 answers, but you only have 10 questions, it means you're copying the answers for page 2 onto page 3. 

6 comments:

  1. watercatOctober 20, 2010 at 9:20 PM

    I'll add another to your list:

    6. When the professor tells the class that there are 2 versions of the test, and even points out the differently colored paper, don't copy the answers from your neighbor's pink test onto your green test scantron. =(

    ReplyDelete
  2. RachelHOctober 20, 2010 at 9:23 PM

    7. If the student next to you can't spell, you might want to correct some of the weirdest spelling errors on your copy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Merely AcademicOctober 20, 2010 at 9:43 PM

    Or add some spelling errors of your own, for variety.

    ReplyDelete
  4. cmtOctober 21, 2010 at 8:59 AM

    8. If you are going to use your cell phone to text in an otherwise silent exam room, turn it to "silent."

    ReplyDelete
  5. Academic MonkeyOctober 21, 2010 at 5:29 PM

    I genuinely loved this post.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnastasiaOctober 25, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    Don't ask why the person you copied from got a higher mark than you.

    ReplyDelete

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