Actually, I'm insufferably smug today. I handed back homework, and a student came to whine to me after class because I'd docked him points for not following directions. I fired right back at him: "Sorry, but failure to follow directions in this modern age CAN KILL YOU." And that was that! Ya-HA!
Dean Suzy's misery: * The student who writes the dean because he forgot his password * The student who missed the first part of the semester because of whatever and now needs registered for classes * The professor who gripes about me not paying for his cab fare on a recent trip (rules are made for you, too!) * The lab engineer who called in sick today because there is a lot of work to do * The university senate meeting last night ....
Above comment deleted for being an "overshare." Suffice to say that I was unwell last night, but not from a contagious condition. Whilst I sat in our rocking chair with a heat pack on my gut, I graded. For hours. HOURS. "I'm awake, I should grade, right?"
And now I am very tired, and consequently it's MOVIE DAY in intro to everything class. Huzzah!
Just had Thanksgiving, so feeling pretty good, but the pants don't fit quite as well this morning. Belt strain on the lower abdominals is a bit painful.
a) I have two sections of the same course-- one is mid morning, one is mid afternoon. What the fuck is the afternoon section's problem? Why are they as a group significantly more absent/late/mouthbreathing unable to conceive of taking notes derp derp? Why as a group do they score 5 percentage points lower on the exams and papers? Is it a "people who will sign up for morning classes versus afternoon classes" demographic thing? b) Will every additional aid I attempt to provide students result in additional misery for me? I make copious review slides-- all the powerpoint from class etc etc-- available on Blackboard; no other person in my area does this, including people teaching other sections of the same courses. What do I get? New whinging about technology. "THIS WEEK'S STUFF WON'T LOAD RIGHT ON MY COMPUTER SO I CAN NOT STUDY!!" Oh, dear, use your damn book, the same stuff is in there and it worked for our ancestors. Why do I bother? "JSTOR WOULDN'T WORK ON MY COMPUTER SO I COULDN'T DO THE PAPER!!" Go to the damn library. It worked for our ancestors.
Today I'm going on little sleep. Their papers were graded this weekend (except for five which still have to be done) and by weekend I mostly mean yesterday because I was putting them off. By yesterday I really mean late yesterday and very early today.
I have my own paper due later on today that I need to revise. Since I'm giving back their papers it will be the one time all semester where I have a constant stream of students in my office hours -- gotta bitch that only one person got an A and it wasn't you, right? I'm sure they won't even read the comments. Why do I put them there, again? Oh, right. So they can argue with them. Marvelous.
Oh, and the lovely, vague, huge rubric I was forced to use? Yeah, just made it take longer. I wrote the comments, gave it a grade, and then filled out the rubric. Usually a minimum of 30 minutes per paper. Super awesome.
Just saw a colleague with stacks of paper grading. I made what I thought was an innocuous comment (and we've always had a decent relationship, so no bad blood): "I'm so happy I do grading online. I remember those days."
He looked at me and said, "Hey, whatever makes you feel superior...." I said, "it's not superiority but liberation."
He said, "Well, knock yourself out."
Maybe I was being a taunting asshole. Didn't mean to be, since my grading is every bit as burdensome--I just don't have to lug papers around. Anyway, I'll be tiptoeing around him for a week.
In the midst of getting a dozen students ready to give oral presentations in class last week, I was asked by a student, "What's the difference between the rough draft of our papers [due the week before] and the final draft [due that day]?"
I replied, "Well, hopefully the final drafts were revised using the extensive feedback I provided on the rough drafts."
"Wha- Huh? What feedback?"
"The feedback written all over your drafts that I left in the pick-up box in the department. I emailed the class about it on Saturday."
"What email? I checked my school account a few times!"
"Other students replied to the email, so I know it was sent. It was also posted as an announcement on Blackboard."
"Oh. So what should I do?"
[GAH!] "You can get graded on your rough draft."
This from an *upperclassperson* in our major! At least the rest of the class got to witness this discussion, since the student didn't opt to wait for an opportunity to talk to me alone.
As part of my "additional duties" within the department, for one week, I have to unlock all the classrooms our dept. controls 45 minutes before the first class kicks off, which is before 8:00 here.
even on days when I don't teach.
no one knows why the classrooms are locked in the first place.
My main job this week is convincing freshmen to read the labels. Just because it is a line in a diagram does not mean it is the same line as yesterday.
Students who send emails like "I didn't come to the first class and my friend says you expect us to do work for next week but I can't do it because I didn't come to the class" despite the copious use of BLACKBOARD, giving the student's friend a second paper copy of the syllabus, and even paper notices pinned to the wall on the year board.
I viciously require students to cite or document where they get information. For some assignments, I don't even require that they write the information in their own words as long as they tell me where they got it. As far as the citation goes, it's usually a they did or didn't kind of thing; but, of course, I got a new one.
After writing a mediocre paragraph in a file submitted to Bb (no cited reference), in the comment section of the Assignment area I was told in no uncertain terms, "I got my paragraph from the textbook." Yep, and I got my degree from the University.
Today I met one of my colleagues at Second String State outside of my classroom...she was canceling her class (which meets after mine) via a note on the blackboard.
I understand that I am an adjunct and no one knows me and certainly nobody's read my CV, but five minutes before my class is NOT A FUCKING GOOD TIME to tell me that the way to foster class discussion in a mouth-breathing clump of 39 freshmen is to PUT THEM IN SMALL GROUPS WITH DISCUSSION QUESTIONS.
Jesus. I learned to do that when I was a TA. And I also know that if I'd done that today (on no sleep) and they had responded as they often do (chaos and no answers to the questions, despite my policing) I might ACTUALLY have shoved a dry-erase marker in someone's eye socket. Possibly my own.
She doesn't know me and it's a good idea in general and she was trying to be helpful (repeat mantra to self while making stabby-stab gestures unconsciously.)
I am in awe with the comment I just got for a student that submitted a paper almost word-for-word from a paper purchasing site: "Why do they have the site if you can't use the papers."
Can someone just shoot me now? I give them SO MANY directions about plagiarism and academic dishonesty.
Here's my response and please tell me if it was over the top:
Just because there is a site does not mean that it is honest. There are how-to sites about making bombs, drug manufacturing, prostitution, etc. The paper that was submitted was word-for-word in places, which is plagiarism. When you purchase a paper, you are not doing your own work. You are not reading the assignment instructions, deciding what should and should not be included in the paper, or critically thinking about the paper content. An analogy is a paint by number. This is not art. This is not original. It is not the same as going to the store, getting the raw supplies, and then painting on a blank canvas. Your papers should be the blank canvas that you pain on with the materials from the text. Create your own work.
BitchyProffie: Over the top? Not at all. Your response was reasoned, measured, logical, sensible, and on-topic.
Your student's problem can be seen in his use of the word "they." To him/her, "they" who sell papers online are the same "they" who teach the classes. You're all part of one big academic conglomerate that's so far from his/her world, it can only be a cohesive unit.
Or maybe it's just a bullshit excuse. Most likely, though, it's both--the only way he/she could have dreamed up this bullshit excuse is by conflating "they" with the rest of the System he/she is trying to navigate.
If it were me, I don't know if I would have dignified this ignoramus with a response. But your response, I thought, was nice.
I have had the following conversation at least four times yesterday and this morning.
Student: Um, I got this e-mail, about a loan? Me: Okay. Do you remember what the e-mail says about a loan? Student: *looks at me blankly* Me: Okay. Did you see the e-mail that the Bursar’s Office sent out to all the students yesterday? It said that they are sending out e-mails about loans that got posted to your account earlier. Student: Oh. Yeah, I saw that e-mail. Me: Great. So, the e-mail from the Bursar’s Office says to look at the e-mail you got about your loan, and see what date it says. Did you look at the date? Student: Um. *looks at me blankly* I got this e-mail? It was about a loan? Me: Okay. If you forward me the e-mail you got, I’ll write back to you and tell you what it means.
The only conclusion I can draw from this is that my college has legitimately started accepting students who cannot read.
1) I now have a file of "stock" responses to common student emails. But these aren't the good kind of stock reponses for legitimate questions. They are stock responses for thoroughly stupid questions. Questions that they could answer themself with a bit of thought or heaven forbid "research" on the syllabus.
2. What part of "No late homework is accepted regardless of your situation" doesn't apply to your situation!?! Would they understand better if I changed it to "No late homework is accepted irregardless of your situation"? Or if I wrote "no l8 hw acepted irregardless of ur situashun"?
What's the point of setting the heat to 55 on off days? The pipes aren't going to freeze until well below that, and the people aren't going to be happy until well above that. Just leave the heat off and write us a note to fuck ourselves.
Last night I found the bottom of my grading pile for the first time in 6 weeks. Of course, tomorrow is another day and I have several assignments due tonight, but I actually can see and feel the sunshine today and, since I don't teach on Fridays, I took the day off. Smile.
Seriously, I am over the goddamn self-righteousness of these fucking undergrads... but I guess it makes sense. Why the fuck would I know what I am doing? I've only been in school for the last 8 years of my life to do this... fuck, I've spent more time learning how to do this than most of them have spent on this fucking planet. The edge will be a blur under my feet if I get one more email attempting to browbeat me into giving higher grade an an assignment. I am going to go straight off the edge....
Actually, I'm insufferably smug today. I handed back homework, and a student came to whine to me after class because I'd docked him points for not following directions. I fired right back at him: "Sorry, but failure to follow directions in this modern age CAN KILL YOU." And that was that! Ya-HA!
ReplyDeleteDean Suzy's misery:
ReplyDelete* The student who writes the dean because he forgot his password
* The student who missed the first part of the semester because of whatever and now needs registered for classes
* The professor who gripes about me not paying for his cab fare on a recent trip (rules are made for you, too!)
* The lab engineer who called in sick today because there is a lot of work to do
* The university senate meeting last night ....
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAbove comment deleted for being an "overshare." Suffice to say that I was unwell last night, but not from a contagious condition. Whilst I sat in our rocking chair with a heat pack on my gut, I graded. For hours. HOURS. "I'm awake, I should grade, right?"
ReplyDeleteAnd now I am very tired, and consequently it's MOVIE DAY in intro to everything class. Huzzah!
Just had Thanksgiving, so feeling pretty good, but the pants don't fit quite as well this morning. Belt strain on the lower abdominals is a bit painful.
ReplyDeletea) I have two sections of the same course-- one is mid morning, one is mid afternoon. What the fuck is the afternoon section's problem? Why are they as a group significantly more absent/late/mouthbreathing unable to conceive of taking notes derp derp? Why as a group do they score 5 percentage points lower on the exams and papers? Is it a "people who will sign up for morning classes versus afternoon classes" demographic thing?
ReplyDeleteb) Will every additional aid I attempt to provide students result in additional misery for me? I make copious review slides-- all the powerpoint from class etc etc-- available on Blackboard; no other person in my area does this, including people teaching other sections of the same courses. What do I get? New whinging about technology. "THIS WEEK'S STUFF WON'T LOAD RIGHT ON MY COMPUTER SO I CAN NOT STUDY!!" Oh, dear, use your damn book, the same stuff is in there and it worked for our ancestors. Why do I bother? "JSTOR WOULDN'T WORK ON MY COMPUTER SO I COULDN'T DO THE PAPER!!" Go to the damn library. It worked for our ancestors.
Today I'm going on little sleep. Their papers were graded this weekend (except for five which still have to be done) and by weekend I mostly mean yesterday because I was putting them off. By yesterday I really mean late yesterday and very early today.
ReplyDeleteI have my own paper due later on today that I need to revise. Since I'm giving back their papers it will be the one time all semester where I have a constant stream of students in my office hours -- gotta bitch that only one person got an A and it wasn't you, right? I'm sure they won't even read the comments. Why do I put them there, again? Oh, right. So they can argue with them. Marvelous.
Oh, and the lovely, vague, huge rubric I was forced to use? Yeah, just made it take longer. I wrote the comments, gave it a grade, and then filled out the rubric. Usually a minimum of 30 minutes per paper. Super awesome.
Just saw a colleague with stacks of paper grading. I made what I thought was an innocuous comment (and we've always had a decent relationship, so no bad blood): "I'm so happy I do grading online. I remember those days."
ReplyDeleteHe looked at me and said, "Hey, whatever makes you feel superior...." I said, "it's not superiority but liberation."
He said, "Well, knock yourself out."
Maybe I was being a taunting asshole. Didn't mean to be, since my grading is every bit as burdensome--I just don't have to lug papers around. Anyway, I'll be tiptoeing around him for a week.
In the midst of getting a dozen students ready to give oral presentations in class last week, I was asked by a student, "What's the difference between the rough draft of our papers [due the week before] and the final draft [due that day]?"
ReplyDeleteI replied, "Well, hopefully the final drafts were revised using the extensive feedback I provided on the rough drafts."
"Wha- Huh? What feedback?"
"The feedback written all over your drafts that I left in the pick-up box in the department. I emailed the class about it on Saturday."
"What email? I checked my school account a few times!"
"Other students replied to the email, so I know it was sent. It was also posted as an announcement on Blackboard."
"Oh. So what should I do?"
[GAH!] "You can get graded on your rough draft."
This from an *upperclassperson* in our major! At least the rest of the class got to witness this discussion, since the student didn't opt to wait for an opportunity to talk to me alone.
As part of my "additional duties" within the department, for one week, I have to unlock all the classrooms our dept. controls 45 minutes before the first class kicks off, which is before 8:00 here.
ReplyDeleteeven on days when I don't teach.
no one knows why the classrooms are locked in the first place.
My main job this week is convincing freshmen to read the labels. Just because it is a line in a diagram does not mean it is the same line as yesterday.
ReplyDeleteStudents who send emails like "I didn't come to the first class and my friend says you expect us to do work for next week but I can't do it because I didn't come to the class" despite the copious use of BLACKBOARD, giving the student's friend a second paper copy of the syllabus, and even paper notices pinned to the wall on the year board.
ReplyDeleteMy drawer of shame, usually filled with snacky goodness, is empty. Except for a half-smashed pack of saltines. *sigh*.
ReplyDeleteI have had several students who don't understand that not following directions means there are consequences.
ReplyDeleteTo do X, one must have turned in Y. I have had several emails that say, "I didn't turn in Y. Why can't I do X?"
Good question.....I'm sure reading the directions, notes, guidelines, etc, won't help....
I viciously require students to cite or document where they get information. For some assignments, I don't even require that they write the information in their own words as long as they tell me where they got it. As far as the citation goes, it's usually a they did or didn't kind of thing; but, of course, I got a new one.
ReplyDeleteAfter writing a mediocre paragraph in a file submitted to Bb (no cited reference), in the comment section of the Assignment area I was told in no uncertain terms, "I got my paragraph from the textbook." Yep, and I got my degree from the University.
Today I met one of my colleagues at Second String State outside of my classroom...she was canceling her class (which meets after mine) via a note on the blackboard.
ReplyDeleteI understand that I am an adjunct and no one knows me and certainly nobody's read my CV, but five minutes before my class is NOT A FUCKING GOOD TIME to tell me that the way to foster class discussion in a mouth-breathing clump of 39 freshmen is to PUT THEM IN SMALL GROUPS WITH DISCUSSION QUESTIONS.
Jesus. I learned to do that when I was a TA. And I also know that if I'd done that today (on no sleep) and they had responded as they often do (chaos and no answers to the questions, despite my policing) I might ACTUALLY have shoved a dry-erase marker in someone's eye socket. Possibly my own.
She doesn't know me and it's a good idea in general and she was trying to be helpful (repeat mantra to self while making stabby-stab gestures unconsciously.)
I am in awe with the comment I just got for a student that submitted a paper almost word-for-word from a paper purchasing site: "Why do they have the site if you can't use the papers."
ReplyDeleteCan someone just shoot me now? I give them SO MANY directions about plagiarism and academic dishonesty.
Here's my response and please tell me if it was over the top:
Just because there is a site does not mean that it is honest. There are how-to sites about making bombs, drug manufacturing, prostitution, etc. The paper that was submitted was word-for-word in places, which is plagiarism. When you purchase a paper, you are not doing your own work. You are not reading the assignment instructions, deciding what should and should not be included in the paper, or critically thinking about the paper content. An analogy is a paint by number. This is not art. This is not original. It is not the same as going to the store, getting the raw supplies, and then painting on a blank canvas. Your papers should be the blank canvas that you pain on with the materials from the text. Create your own work.
BitchyProffie: Over the top? Not at all. Your response was reasoned, measured, logical, sensible, and on-topic.
ReplyDeleteYour student's problem can be seen in his use of the word "they." To him/her, "they" who sell papers online are the same "they" who teach the classes. You're all part of one big academic conglomerate that's so far from his/her world, it can only be a cohesive unit.
Or maybe it's just a bullshit excuse. Most likely, though, it's both--the only way he/she could have dreamed up this bullshit excuse is by conflating "they" with the rest of the System he/she is trying to navigate.
If it were me, I don't know if I would have dignified this ignoramus with a response. But your response, I thought, was nice.
I have had the following conversation at least four times yesterday and this morning.
ReplyDeleteStudent: Um, I got this e-mail, about a loan?
Me: Okay. Do you remember what the e-mail says about a loan?
Student: *looks at me blankly*
Me: Okay. Did you see the e-mail that the Bursar’s Office sent out to all the students yesterday? It said that they are sending out e-mails about loans that got posted to your account earlier.
Student: Oh. Yeah, I saw that e-mail.
Me: Great. So, the e-mail from the Bursar’s Office says to look at the e-mail you got about your loan, and see what date it says. Did you look at the date?
Student: Um. *looks at me blankly* I got this e-mail? It was about a loan?
Me: Okay. If you forward me the e-mail you got, I’ll write back to you and tell you what it means.
The only conclusion I can draw from this is that my college has legitimately started accepting students who cannot read.
1) I now have a file of "stock" responses to common student emails. But these aren't the good kind of stock reponses for legitimate questions. They are stock responses for thoroughly stupid questions. Questions that they could answer themself with a bit of thought or heaven forbid "research" on the syllabus.
ReplyDelete2. What part of "No late homework is accepted regardless of your situation" doesn't apply to your situation!?! Would they understand better if I changed it to "No late homework is accepted irregardless of your situation"? Or if I wrote "no l8 hw acepted irregardless of ur situashun"?
Ahhhh. That felt good...
@BitchyProffie: Similarly, I had a student say angerly, "Well, if Wikipedia is so bad, why did they create it?"
ReplyDeleteIndeed....
What's the point of setting the heat to 55 on off days? The pipes aren't going to freeze until well below that, and the people aren't going to be happy until well above that. Just leave the heat off and write us a note to fuck ourselves.
ReplyDeleteLast night I found the bottom of my grading pile for the first time in 6 weeks. Of course, tomorrow is another day and I have several assignments due tonight, but I actually can see and feel the sunshine today and, since I don't teach on Fridays, I took the day off. Smile.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I am over the goddamn self-righteousness of these fucking undergrads... but I guess it makes sense. Why the fuck would I know what I am doing? I've only been in school for the last 8 years of my life to do this... fuck, I've spent more time learning how to do this than most of them have spent on this fucking planet. The edge will be a blur under my feet if I get one more email attempting to browbeat me into giving higher grade an an assignment. I am going to go straight off the edge....
ReplyDelete