Snowflake: Dr. Snarky, why did you give me a zero for the sweater assignment?
Dr. S: Because you didn't knit a sweater.
Snowflake: What??? But-- I made a sweater!
Dr. S: You crocheted a sweater.
Snowflake: But I submitted a sweater just like you asked!!!
Dr. S: This unit is on knitting. The assignment title was "Knit a Sweater." You did not complete the assignment as directed. You crocheted instead of knitted. Ergo, you fail.
Snowflake: But it's still a SWEATER!
Dr. S: But the sweater isn't the point. The process is. I can't evaluate your use of seed stitch or cabling when you clearly used crochet.
Snowflake: But Dr. Snarky, I already know how to crochet, so I thought it would be better to do the assignment with my crochet hook. That way the sweater would turn out really well.
Dr. S: You've missed the point. You were supposed to study knitting in this unit, the culmination of which was knitting a sweater. Instead of demonstrating proficiency with the new material, you have instead demonstrated to me that you learned...well... nothing.
---
Seriously. Some students never learn.
Who wants to bet she'll try to hand this in for the unit on crochet, even though for that unit they're supposed to make a hat and scarf? "But Dr. Snaaaar-kyyyyy! It's still crochet!"
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. This happens all the time in first year calculus. About half of the students have had calculus before (either "failed" the AP test or the class last term). When I teach the limit definition of derivative some smarty pants will ask "Can I just use the short cut methods since I know them." It really galls me that since students think that they know "advanced methods" then that excuses them from doing the required work. What worse is when the beggar's come after the test to answer for credit for using the short cut method when I state in the question prompt "No credit will be awarded for methods not involving the limit definition of the derivative."
ReplyDeleteDr. Snarky, I don't like sweaters. I'm actually afraid of them. So instead, I made a turkey out of paper handprints. So festive, huh, Dr. Snarky?
ReplyDeleteDr. Snarky, I knitted a sweater last semester for my final project in my International Handiwerks class, and Professor Smith gave me an A on it. Can I just hand that in for this assignment?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHey, this knitting stuff is no joke. They all say they’re going to try it only once, but the next thing you know they're all strung out, wanting to extort lunch money from schoolchildren so they can get some YARN, and then get out their NEEDLES and knit and knit until they nod off in a stupor. And it gets REALLY bad when the SHARE needles! Brrrrr!!!!
ReplyDelete;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)
Sweaters are a tired hold-over from dead white men and have no place in the modern college. I refuse to knit one because of the obvious imperialistic colonialism implied in the assignment.
ReplyDeleteI made a pie instead.
I have an entire class (N=30) of gradflakes like this.
ReplyDelete[Handing you a ball of yarn]: I'm an English major, so I deconstructed a sweater.
ReplyDeleteSome of the earliest knitted items known were knitted using a single needle method, so clearly using a single crochet hook was much more in the SPIRIT of the assignment
ReplyDelete