You're giving an exam in your 3-hour class that meets each Wednesday evening. You were running late on everything. Murphy's law to the extreme. But you made it to the classroom with the stack of exams and 23 seconds to spare. You tell all the snowflakes to be quiet and then you hand out the exams and then... you realize you need to pee.
What do you do? Run to the restroom and let all the snowflakes cheat? Cross your legs and try not to think of Niagara Falls for the next three hours? Pray?
Q. Ever been in this position? What'd you do?
A. Be honest.
Remember: It's night. Nobody else is in the building.
In the best circumstances, I'd know before I handed out the papers. In that case, I'd tell them I'll be back in two minutes, take the papers with me, and go to the fucking bathroom.
ReplyDeleteIf I didn't have the self awareness to know that I had to go, I'd put on the board "I WILL be looking. If I catch you, you will get a zero. Any student who sees another student cheat and tells me may get extra credit" and streak my ass to the bathroom, probably not washing my hands afterward. Hey, there's a reason I have hand sanitizer in my bag.
I'd say nothing. I'd just stand and mysteriously leave, and then just as mysteriously return. The bathroom is like three feet from every class I teach. I'd be back in less than a minute. I don't think they can effectively cheat and then hide the evidence in under a minute, especially considering the kind of tests I give.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Stella. I'd hand out the exams, wait 10 minutes to see if there were any questions, and then duck out. I wouldn't warn them direly about cheating; they're adults, and if they don't know better I can't fix them.
ReplyDeleteYeah I like Stella's answer. And I say this while literally drinking a Stella. Mmm.
ReplyDeleteMaybe even preface the duck-out with an in and out routine -- step out twice for just 45 seconds, then come back in and glance around, step out again. Then dash to the bathroom and come back, as though they never know when you'll be going and out.
Wow, you are all so much more. . . mature about this than I am. I have arrived to exams needing to pee, as well as desperately needing to eat and/or drink (especially when it is a 7.30am final exam), and with a blinding migraine (I can't take my medication before an exam because it will knock me out cold).
ReplyDeleteSo basically, I just suck it up. Anyway, I teach at a place that only went co-ed long after most of the buildings were built, so the ladies' bathrooms are all located at the far ends of dank corridors, in basements, or otherwise far, far away from anywhere I happen to be.
But yeah, I suck it up and think of it as a form of payment for my sins (i.e., perpetually running late).
Text a friend. Tell them you need a sub for 5 min. When the friend arrives, leave. The students would never suspect that the person is not another faculty member. You could even make a show by saying in a quiet voice, but still loud enough for some to hear, "THank you professor, I'll be right back."
ReplyDeleteI've...uh...walked in and said "I think we need to take a moment. I want you to put your study materials away, sit at your desks, and breathe deeply for the next few minutes. This technique has been shown to produce better test results. I will be right back."
ReplyDeleteAnd then when I come back and they're all a buzzy hive of bees I say "You people need to practice mindfulness" and then I hand out the exams.
Seriously. I've done it. It helps that I teach a Social Science where teachers are often expected to be slightly loopy.
I also know where the bathrooms are closest to my classroom...and I now know to prop the door at the bottom of the amphitheater (my end) because it locks behind you!!!
If you can't text a friend, be honest. Tell them, "Look, I just realized that I need to use the restroom. I want you to put your names on your exams and hand them to me. You'll get them when I get back.
ReplyDelete"Also, since I need to use the restroom, I'm pretty sure that some of you may have just realized the same thing, too.
"Everyone, turn in the exams. Those of us who need a restroom break will take one. I'll be quick and the exam will begin when I return."
Ideally, if there's no class in the room after my class, I'd give students extra time -- or I'd take into consideration anything they didn't finish at the end and throw a curve into the grading.
We're human. Believe it or not, even some of the snowflakes appreciate our humanity -- sometimes.
(And, yes, I know the dozens of ways this can backfire. I have a middle-aged bladder. I could not hold it for three hours.)
I was a standardized test administrator in a previous life. When I had this situation arise I did similar to Academic Monkey's suggestion.
ReplyDeleteI established an in-and-out walk around (the room had two doors.) I had the doors propped open and varied the intervals that I would go in and out, as well as which door I would exit and reenter from. At one point I made a break for it, took care of business, and made a mad dash back. Most of them never knew I was gone even though I was slightly out of breath.
As an aside, before I'm outed, only one of the things on this profile is true:
http://www.uww.edu/advising/aaec/welcome/staff/sawyer.html
I'll leave it to you guys to determine which one.