So today, I got the best (worst) email in the few years that I've been teaching, but first, I should provide some background information.
Weeping Wanda struggles in my writing class. I have told WW many times that she should (a) make appointments to see me during office hours for help, (b) request a tutor (the service is free), and (c) utilize the writing lab before she hands in final drafts. WW has done none of these things.
Instead, WW showed up to my office at least 20 minutes before I was scheduled to be there. I eat lunch in my office. Even though the door was locked and there was a sign stating when my hours begin, she peeked through the small window until I looked up. Even when I waved and returned to my lunch, she remained, staring. Then, she knocked. Finally, I had enough of being watched as I ate, so I opened the door and explained that she needed to return in 20 minutes (well, 15 at that point).
WW: But, I have class at that time!
Me: Then schedule an appointment.
WW: But I need to see you today because my paper is due tomorrow.
Me: You can come back after your class. I will still be here, and I have a slot open.
WW: But I have work!
Me: Then you should see a tutor, or use the writing lab.
WW: Can't you just help me now?
Me: No, sorry. I can't. If you had scheduled an appointment, I would have tried to accommodate you.
At this point, Weeping Wanda begins to weep. I am very uncomfortable about this, but refuse to be emotionally blackmailed. I told her again that she should meet with someone at the writing lab, closed my door, and returned to my lunch.
Not 10 minutes later did I receive the following email:
Ms. Mestopholita,
Since u culdn't see me today can u just edit it 4 me. I atashed it.
Thx,
WW
I responded:
Dear WW,
I don't edit student essays; that is the student's job.
See you tomorrow!
-Ms. M
So tell me; why do I feel guilty about this? Should I have just forgotten about my lunch and helped her? I knew it would take more than 20 minutes, and I had an appointment in 30 minutes with a student who actually bothered to schedule his time with me.
You did the right thing, Mestopholita.
ReplyDelete"gud 4 u"
No guilt. Just a 20-minute lunch break, to which we are all entitled.
ReplyDeleteI have a number of students who expect this sort of "service." It's discouraging, but it's part of the new academic culture.
ReplyDeleteI try to wipe these problems away with the "I don't write or edit your papers" talk during the first week, but it always flares up, and it's usually someone just like Wanda.
I always wonder if female proffies get more or less cryers than male proffies!
I have no idea why you feel guilty. If you had "helped" (which probably meant editing it in front of her) the student, or edited her paper, would she have learned how to do it herself, or would she have learned that you are a pushover?
ReplyDeleteIf students ask me to read drafts, I say "Okay, but if I am reading it, I am going to give it a grade." That gets the message across that I am not their editor.
@Darla, yes. Yes they do.
Maybe you could offer a creative lie that would enable you to avoid the entire conversation. Such as: "Oh, I'm sorry, I have a scheduled phone call I must make before my office hours start." From the student's perspective, you weren't doing anything, and you refused her anyway.
ReplyDeleteYou could avoid even that if you got some wrapping paper and put it up over the window in your office, and kept your door closed and locked when it's not your office hours. Then you won't have students staring at you and you can ignore the knocks in peace.
I don't know where you are on the tenure timeline, or whether you're an adjunct/ft person, but this is the kind of thing that makes a student rag on a prof in evals for being unhelpful. It's not fair, it's just true.
I often help students if it's a quick thing. But when I know that it will take a while I'll tell them to come back later. I think I would have asked what she wanted when I first saw her. I somehow think it might have been easier to shake her before she "invested" time stalking you. At least then she won't have had reason to think that you were ignoring her or playing a game.
ReplyDeleteIt's often hard for students to accept that lunch means lunch. Next time make up some bull hockey about writing an exam, grading, etc. Students see that as legitimate work for a professor to be doing during lunch. That is one reason I always face my computer when I dine even if I just have CM up.
Several people in my building have put paper up over their windows to keep students from peaking in. You might think about doing that.
Oh FSM! I have students every semester who ask if they can send in a draft of a paper for me to "proof".
ReplyDeleteNo, as in hell no. What are they thinking? (Not.)
I'm able to avoid this situation, even though I have a window in my door. Since I have no other windows (to the inside or the outside) and the door does not let any light out from under it, I used a staple gun to cover my window with a thick black felt. Students think no one is in even when I'm working away. Now if I could only get them to stop trying to open the door without knocking.
ReplyDeleteSomething else I'd like to try one day: When the student starts crying, then you start crying yourself. Cry like someone just stabbed your mother death right in front of your eyes. See how the student reacts.
ReplyDeleteI did something like this with my then 2-year-old child who started throwing a tantrum. As soon as it started, I fell to the floor and began rolling around screaming like a baby. The child stopped. Then I stopped. We stared at each other. Then we gave each other a hug.
I can fake a good enough tantrum for a 2-year-old, but I don't think I could start crying for a snowflake. I don't have that ability. If someone does, let me know.
Dr D, I sometimes read and give feedback on essay drafts for students. I don't "proof" them, though, and I make it clear to the students that I don't. But I do say that if they can get a draft to me two weeks before the deadline, I will give them feedback. Usually I will get around 10 essays handed in at that point from a class of 200. This isn't too much extra work, and it means that I never get grade complaints from the other students on their essays, because they know they could have easily done better if they had prepared earlier.
ReplyDeleteThe feedback I give is usually just to point out the one thing that would make the biggest difference if they fixed it: e.g. "You need to read X for more background", or "You need to try to restructure this so that it flows better", or "you don't have a conclusion".
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ReplyDeleteBack when I was an overly eager-to-please assistant professor, I was such a terrible pushover. It ran me absolutely ragged. So no, you should not feel guilty: if this student acted this way with a physician, dentist, or lawyer, she'd get charged for it. If she acted this way with a boss in the real world, she'd get worse.
ReplyDeleteWhat kills me is that she may well slam you in her student evaluations as "unhelpful," and in the most illiterate way imaginable, and some jagoff in the university administration will actually take it seriously. This happened to me more than once: but take heart, I'm still in the game (but not without a struggle).
P.S. I once had an office in which people could peer in through the window. My chair was just to the side of the window, so when they did this, I often saw them before they saw me. This bugged me, so I got a T. Rex hand puppet. When the next fool peered in, I let him have it: I silently slipped on the puppet, without him seeing me, and went, "RRRRAAAAUUURRRGGGHHHH!!!" I got in a lot of trouble for that, but it was worth it. ;-)
ReplyDeleteTeach online. Problem solved.
ReplyDeleteFroderick, I love the puppet idea, but I could definitely see myself in the Dean's office for that, so I think placing something over my window is the best solution, and feigning work will help make it seem less like I'm "unhelpful" and more like I'm working.
ReplyDeleteIf it weren't for the tears, I might not have felt so terrible about it.
Thanks, CM!
When the tears start, for any reason, academic or otherwise, I offer the student a Kleenex and ask if they have "adequate support" as in "I see you are very emotional and I do want to help, but my help is limited to academic help. If you need emotional help, here are the resources available. Also, the best person to provide the academic help you need is the writing center."
ReplyDeleteThis is called punting and I swear to you, it is remarkably effective. It makes you look sympathetic without making you a pushover.
I also agree with the closing and locking the door, even if it is just for the 15 minutes of lunch. I put in a roller shade over an office door with a window, and I'd just pull it down when needed. (Since I also lived an hour away from the job with the window, I sometimes had to do stuff like change my clothes, pick my nose, or have a 20 minute nap, and the shade helped a lot.)
@Mestopholita:
ReplyDeleteI should have added that the "puppet incident" was when I was still a grad student TA, and at Dartmouth, where they never have had student evaluations, so the stakes were a lot lower.
I would have also felt slightly guilty ... until the horrible email. Chat-speak in a professional email, requesting a favor?
ReplyDelete@Froderick:
ReplyDeleteCoworkers are looking at me funny because I'm trying not to laugh out loud at the image of your dinosaur puppet scaring undergrads. If you have tenure and can take chances, I sincerely hope you haven't put the puppet away for good.
You are entitled to eat your lunch in your office or do whatever you need to do outside of your office hours. This student was clearly trying to manipulate you. I agree that you should tape a paper over your door. And learn to cheerfully ignore people without feeling a shred of guilt.
ReplyDeleteIt's not quite a comparable example, but I sit near our department's back door, which is always locked from the outside, per the campus policy. When security guards make their rounds, they check that the door is locked. Everyone is supposed to enter through the front door and talk to the recepionist. About ten times a day, sometimes more, students frantically pound on this door, expecting me to get up from my desk and let them in, merely to spare them the 30-second walk to the front door, or maybe because the back door is right near the elevator, I don't know. There is a huge sign on it that says No Entrance. But they pound and pound anyway, thinking that if they just make enough noise, I'll relent. Of course, I never do. Sometimes I wave and smile cheerfully, but I continue to ignore them. It took awhile for me to develop this insensitivity to frantic students looking for a shortcut into the department. It used to bother me more - both the irritating racket and the guilt for ignoring it. Now it's just so much white noise.
I hope you can reach a point where the whiny, manipulative students are just so much white noise, even if they are crying and begging. A whole chain of events had to occur (or not occur) before Weepy got down to those last 20 minutes when she thought you'd save her raggedy ass. That she didn't get those 20 minutes from you wasn't a dealbreaker for her to get a good grade. Don't feel guilty, not for a moment! And cover your window!
@Ruby:
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, I still have Mr. T. Rex. He's just as toothy and ugly as ever. Unfortunately, I no longer have a window like that.
You should feel guilt...not sharing your lunch. Fucking ridiculouos!
ReplyDeleteFroderick's puppet ROCKS, and Programming Patty is right:
ReplyDeleteThe student's appearance at your door, begging, WAS the end result of a long chain of events. She could have changed course anywhere along that chain (if you believe in free will). That's HER fucking problem.
And IF there is NO free will, then neither of you is guilty, as neither of you could help your behavior. I trend toward this explanation. Nobody is to blame. Said student is a fucking idiot. Not her fault. You didn't want to help her. Not your fault.
But still, from a conventional/non-philosophical perspective, you still didn't have ANY obligation to her.
If you proofread students' work, you will end up grading SOME OF YOUR OWN WORK. You might as well end up "sharing" their grade with them, 50/50. You each get half the points.
Papers are basically EXAMS. They evaluate the students' knowledge or abilities, etc. If you proofread them, you're helping the student cheat, not learn.
Fucking goddamn students...
I couldn't handle trying to ignore someone at the office window, so I covered it up ages ago. Problem solved! Sometimes when I absolutely totally want to avoid anyone knocking on my door, I also turn off the office lights.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteCover your window, eat your lunch, throw your guilt away, and be happy you didn't enable that needy manipulative snowflake into thinking she can ask for help/editing whenever she wants to.
ReplyDeleteLast week, I had a student appear at my office door 45 mins late to her appointment with me (because she 'couldn't find my office.')
Without guilt, I turned her away even though in reality I had the time (but definitely not the will) to help her.