Last year, cooler weather caused our student body here at Big Southern State to skitter for cover under leggings and sweaters that were juuussst barely below the bum in length. This year, the ladies are leaving nothing to the imagination. I have been greeted this morning by the sight of at least ten perky rear-ends apparently clothed in nothing but some tight synthetic fiber blends and topped by wee puffy vests.
Apparently the ladies have parallel circulation, like ducks. As blood descends the legs, it simultaneously warms the blood returning to the body and cools off itself. (See here for a more nuanced and scientific explanation.) I can think of no other physiology that makes it logical to wrap yourself in many layers of fur and feathers whilst leaving the leg-flesh so unprotected.
Now, I am not much of a connoisseur of the ladies (with the exception of Catherine Zeta Jones for whom I harbor a most unseemly lust) but these butts are impossible to ignore. They are just there! Jiggling at you! You want to scream "PUT IT AWAY" or, in the agricultural vernacular of my people, "Nobody's gonna buy the cow when they can get the milk for free."
As a somewhat oddly-shaped human myself, I can appreciate the power of the skinny jean. I can even appreciate the power of the thong under certain knit garments. But...all this butt this morning led me to the conclusion that I am (a) an old fart and (b) in for a long winter.
What's your least favorite student (or faculty) fashion statement of the moment?
Nike Tempo shorts with Uggs. Shorts are for hot weather (to say nothing of their over-pricedness). Shearling-lined boots are for cold weather. Why in the hell do they insist on wearing these things together practically year-round? 99 degrees with a heat index of 110? Shorts n' Uggs. Ice storm with a high of 24? Shorts n' Uggs. For the love of God, why?
ReplyDeleteYes, the shorts n' Uggs thing must die. It's super common here too, and like most fashion memes, it doesn't make sense and doesn't have to. It's a meme, so it's commonly irrational.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the most irritating fashion statement of mine has to be the infernal hat meme (see link below to a now-famous CM post on this subject).
Lest I forget, I must mention my eternal loathing of the sagging pants, huge basketball shorts, and gigantic basketball jersey memes. Die! Die! Die!
Then there's the cleavage. Yes, when I went to college, most female students didn't walk around with their cleavage showing. I find it offensive because it's distracting. Definitely inappropriate. It's a topic of discussion among both male and female teachers, and both groups commonly dislike the flesh display, though for differing reasons.
Mohawks are now coming back into fashion, but compared to those other memes, they don't faze me at all.
http://collegemisery.blogspot.com/2010/10/die-hat-meme-die-rise-of-ball-cap.html
Whale-tails, especially when the thong underwear has glittery bits or beads/stones added.
ReplyDeletetrousers on male students which are Super extra baggy around the backside, displaying their underwear (even WORSE when said trousers have very narrow legs. They just look freakin' ridiculous!)
Has anybody noticed some young people tend to wear their ball caps funny?
ReplyDeleteMorose!!!! Don't get that started... :)
ReplyDeleteIf I am outside of the university, then partial nudity is fine by me, but it annoys the hell out of me when I teach. I'm trying to maintain my professionalism and there's nothing but midriffs and breasts flying at me from every direction. I'm constantly nervous that I'll accidentally glance at a female student's exposed flesh and end up being accused of inappropriate behavior.
ReplyDeleteOther than that, I generally don't care what they wear. In fact, I'm often more wary of the really well-dressed students. My experiences have been far worse with students who show up in suits and ties than with those who wear pajamas, uggs, shorts, baggy butt bearing jeans, etc.
Also, I wear hats. Backwards. Not in class. But outside. A lot.
I have one fashion style that creeps me out.
ReplyDeleteMales free-balling in their "look at my boner" pajamas.
I'll let you picture that any way you want.
Can't stand the sound of flip-flops, it irks me to no end, and our students, both male and female, wear these practically all year round. I don't understand why they spend hundreds of dollars on the latest fashions and cap it all off with a pair of 79-cent flip-flops from the drugstore. To be fair, it's not just students. In the summer I see well-dressed businesswomen commuting to work in upscale suits and blouses with 79-cent rubber flip-flops on their feet. I don't like the annoying flip-flop sound nor the sight of so many bare toes with cracked nail polish or worse, yellowed cracked toe-nails.
ReplyDeleteSee, for me, it's less "buying cow / milk free" and more "What the hell is wrong with that???"
ReplyDeleteThe look is just horrid. A petite 80 pound former cheerleader looks awful in it; her more average sized sister looks bloody impossible. In the words of my neighbor: "Oh dear, *that's* unfortunate."
I want to tell them how awful they look. And what it makes me think about their personality to be so devoid of class. Yes, I know fashion doesn't REALLY tell me about someone's personality. But then again, it kinda sorta does. And it tells me that these students do not care for sensible clothing choices or even flattering cuts.
Poor dears. How they will flinch when they see themselves from a distance of ten years. (Much like those who were in high school in 1986...)
Really, really huge sunglasses a la Paris Hilton.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, why would any self-respecting young woman want to emulate any of these Hollywood-trash-gone-wild types? Secondly, these glasses are so friggin big I find it comical, and sometimes I have to keep from grinning at the absurdity of it. I have to try hard not to pre-judge my students as morons when they come to class with saucer-sized shades or their ball caps askew (yes, Morose, its just plain dumb the way some guys wear their hats).
Gobs of makeup and a skinny tank top with pajama bottoms. Slumber-party hell.
ReplyDeleteI never criticize how my students dress. For starters, they love it when and older person does: I'm not going to give them the satisfaction. Also, anything is better than those tight, tight pants on GUYS that were fashionable in my day.
ReplyDeleteP.S. for faculty: absolutely NO fashion statements over 50! No rock 'n' roll dancing either: no one wants to see that.
ReplyDeleteI think I spent two years as an undergraduate wearing the same (increasingly ragged) baggy black turtleneck sweater and the same pair of jeans. Occasionally I varied this with another drab baggy sweater.
ReplyDeleteWhy yes, in retrospect, I WAS depressed, why do you ask?
So I find any attempt at self-decoration - whether it's the cleavage-showing or the makeup or the thongs with beads on (though those haven't made their way up here) rather charming and sweet. I hope they're signs that these students aren't as depressed as I was. Anyway, anything is better than the same baggy black sweater 2 years in a row.
ps I am now over 50 and am hesitantly beginning to make fashion statements for the first time in my life. These statements are fairly tentative, like, "perhaps it would be okay to wear shoes with a modest heel". Or "I think I'll wear a scarf today." I trust that's not what you mean :)
ReplyDelete@ Programming Patty
ReplyDeleteThe whole flip-flop thing (as I wrote in the comments under No Cookies anti-ballcap fatwa) has come back to America via Israel, where sandals are worn with everything because it's hot there. All this other slovenliness comes from students copying the way those retards on "Jersy Shore" dress, and they take their cues from American Apparel, Ed Hardy, and those other scuzz clothing manufacturers.
@Academic Monkey...We were voted one of the ten "hottest" college campuses by someone who knows something about these things...so it's less "yergh that looks awful" and more "OMG that's your butt!" But, er no pun intended, point taken.
ReplyDeleteThis is nothing compared to grad student fashion.
ReplyDeleteI'm planning on a whole post about this, but I actually sent two fellow flakes home from Writing Center duty one term. One had a gauzy top on with nothing underneath (I think I would have seen less of her nipples had she actually come in entirely topless, because the gauzyness would momentarily make you forget that there was very little between her boobs and the air) and another wore a very low cut top that was "meant to" show off the first three inches of her very sexy, lacy bra. She informed me of this after I asked her to pull her shirt up.