Dear Sh*theads,
Allow me to enlighten you about some horrible realities of academic life.
1. You are not my only student.
2. You are not my only class.
3. You are not my only responsibility--others include papers, job applications, etc.
4. When you use email to avoid actually meeting with me face-to-face, I get more angry and less helpful. No, really.
5. Sending me an email that says "I was at your office at 12 and you were not there" when I was, in fact, in my office and YOU must have been at the wrong place IS NOT GOING TO MAKE ME HELP YOU.
6. I don't care about your family problems.
7. I'm sorry that you feel the rubric is unfair. It's odd that you think that, since your classmates managed to do just fine on this question suggesting not that the rubric was unfair but that YOU screwed up.
8. Why do you all look the same?
9. Please just stop emailing me for a day or two so that I can get my head unstuck from my shoulders, where you have beaten it to a bloody pulp with your incessant demands.
Mrph.
@#5 Today I deliberately typed with gratuitous volume and vigor until 1:00:00 PM on the dot. I wasn't typing an e-mail. I wasn't typing a paper. I wasn't typing them a magical test outline. I was just hitting the keys at random like a jackass so they'd know I was in there and ignoring their scratching at the door during my lunch. At 1 I opened the door and grinned like a pageant queen as though I thought they arrived "right on time."
ReplyDeleteLet's change #9 to this:
ReplyDelete"Please just stop emailing me for a day or two so that you have time to pull your heads out of your asses. If you email me again during that time, I will pull out my 2-iron and drive your head further up your ass so I might have a week of peace and quiet."
You DO care about their personal problems...
ReplyDeleteYou WANT to change the rubric...
You WELCOME their harassing e-mails
These AREN'T the droids your looking for...
Just trying out my student Jedi mind tricks...
(o.k. I'm a nerd^2)
Prof & Circumstance owes me a new keyboard, the old one having been thoroughly dampened by some tea heavily laced with whiskey and Valium as I laughed/swallowed at the same time.
ReplyDeleteDear Professor,
ReplyDeleteAllow me to enlighten you about some horrible realities of academic life.
1. You are not my only professor.
2. You are not my only class.
3. You are not my only responsibility--others include papers, job applications, etc.
-Sean Student
Mathsquatch *I'm not even going to quote the source I "borrowed" this from* out.
@Prof and Circumstance: Thank goodness most profs are not of the weak-minded ilk.
ReplyDeleteWait... If those of us who teach are the Jedi, who are the Sith? I know we might say the students, but they seem more like the masses of people unskilled in the Force... Are the Sith the administrators? The sports departments? IT!?
Mathsquatch *Die, IT, die! (another uncited "borrowed" quote!)* out.
The Sith are the mirror image of the Jedi, and they seem to be slightly better at fighting, so I would go with Administration. Sports are just the Imperial Army, IT the crew of the Death Star.
ReplyDelete(Good Christ this is nerdy!)
@Strelnikov: "...IT the crew of the Death Star."
ReplyDeleteThat is perfect! Seemingly competent and powerful at first, but it always blows up in the end due to some design flaw. Too big & massive for its own good. Die IT, die!
Re: IT -- "It's a trap!"
ReplyDeleteAll this Star Wars talk reminds of an email sent to our generic student services account. A snowflake needed someone in "the Force Department" to get him in a full course. There was great debate about who among us was stronger in the ways of the Force.
ReplyDeleteAs it turns out, none of us lowly Student Service minions were strong enough in the ways of the Force; only faculty and admins can use the Force.
Avez vous un tete de merde?
ReplyDeleteDoes Natty have Aspergers? Is he/she a good dresser?
ReplyDeleteBlackdog...
ReplyDelete*I* am your Mother. Join moi and together we can rule the University as Mother-beotch and Daughter-beotch...(cough, cough, hhhhhack...)
But who is HR? Could it be the Jawas who go around hocking weary, broken down professors to desperate Universitys that don't care where they came from? Hmmmmm
O.k. I KNOW THIS WAS SILLY...but fun.
So what are adjuncts? If this were a Star Trek reference we'd be the guys in red shirts who only appear long enough to get killed...
ReplyDelete@Middle-Aged: "So what are adjuncts?"
ReplyDeleteTribbles
Ack! Morose and snugglebunny! You should know better than to cross the streams!
ReplyDeleteRe: adjuncts... they're all those other Jedi with no names that are stuck into the prequels so Obi-won and Yoda can be the last of something after they are all killed.
No, we're the Ewoks. We get treated like stupid little animals, but get called in to do the dirty work.
ReplyDeleteI am totally an Ewok. Do Ewoks hibernate? They look like they should--small, furry. I'd like to hibernate.
ReplyDeleteYAY! I get to be an Ewok. I'm more proportioned like Chewbacca. Can I be him? Also, how exactly do Ewoks transform into Jedi when we get a TT job? Are we just furry Jedi? What about TT profs who jump down to adjunct? Do they have to trade their lightsabers for sticks and/or stones and their Jedi robes for fur and hoods?
ReplyDeleteMathsquatch out.
"But we tried *really* hard to make it flawless. Even though it was destroyed, we should still get credit for all the effort we put it." - Death Star Engineers
ReplyDelete