"Real Goddamned Mail" By Leslie K.

• I've forgotten my password. I remember part of it, but not all of it. Is there a way you could look it up and send it to me. It had too many characters for me to remember and now I don't know what to do.
• Could you please delete all the posts by Xxxxxxx? He's such an ass, and I think he might be at my college. If you would delete his posts he'd probably stop coming around, and then I could post more freely. I'm not the only one who thinks this about him either. I showed his post about xxxxxxx and my friends think he's off the deep end, too.
• My son goes to the University of Xxxxxxxx. I recently round your blog online and I have to tell you that you are misrepresenting students. I don't know what kind of a civil service job you should get instead, but I recommend you bone up on the exams and take your first step toward a new career.
• Could you tell all the people who put their graphics on the left side of the screen to move them to the right. There should be one standard for that, and the right side makes more sense. I mean, we're not reading in Chinese are we? Yet?
• Did you know that your avatar looks like a famous porn actress from the 1980s? I only mention it because I think someone you know is playing a joke on you. And you need to tell Darla Keef to quit saying what state she's in. I know now where she teaches and that could be bad for her career.
• I made a really funny comment this morning and I can't find it. I don't remember which post I wrote it under. Can you look it up?
• I wrote an email to you from the wrong account. That's my wife's account. She's a professor, too, and I don't want you to think that she sent it, because she's not unhappy with her Dean, and I know that if you were to publish that it'd be a terrible mistake. I wrote it and I'm her husband. I've decided since I wrote that that I don't have the same problem I did, so I'd rather you didn't consider it. 
• I'm going to stop reading this site because of all of the negative comments left by Xxxxx. I don't know what kind of electro-convulsive therapy Xxxxx has been through, but whatever it was, the wattage wasn't enough or something. I will never read this page again.
• I wish this page had more bite.
• Could you post something once a week showing which writers got the most positive and negative comments? You could call it "thumbs up and thumps down" on So-n-So, or something. Then these egotistcal fucktwits who think they're the real stars of the page will learn that they're just backwards jackasses. And you could also post the ones that didn't get enough comments, and call them "Misunderstood Geniuses at the CM Cafe," or something.