These are some emails I have received so far during the two weeks of this term. Some of the replies I would like to have sent, some I actually did. I will let you weed out which is which. I am pretty sure I am being Punked.
1. (Many copies of this) I cant open the syllabus. Help. What class are you in? I find that at times using Firefox is more helpful for opening files that Netscape in Blackboard. Try this. If you are still unable to open the file contact Tech Support for further help.
2. Thanks for sending me the syllabus I can’t open, can you send me all of the assignments for this week? I have a real hard time navigating the courseroom. No. All students are expected to be able to use blackboard to take an online class. Please note there is a schedule on the home page which tells you the dates and times you can attend a blackboard training course.
3. I have to access my course with my PS3, I get extra time to write my papers right? No. As per the syllabus late assignments are not accepted. Also access to a computer is a prerequisite to an online course. If you do not have a computer you may use computers on campus or at any public library. Use a USB memory stick to save your work. P.S. If you are too stupid to know this you do not deserve to be in my class.
4. Prof, why did u give me a zero on my assign? Dear Mouth Breather, as we discussed last week you need to turn your assignments in on time. That goes for all assignments, even yours. I have conveniently placed due dates for all assignments in one centralized location. It is a magical document called my syllabus. If you were literate I am sure you would have already have read it. Unfortunately you cannot so I am sure we will be having this conversation next week.
5. Halp. I don’t know what page to find the graph to do this weeks assignment. Can u tell me where it is? Sunshine, reading the chapter is part of the assignment, but thanks for emailing me to let me know you are only skimming to get the information needed to directly answer the question. I have a nice little mark next to your name in my grade book so I can make sure your assignments get the extra attention they deserve.
Does anyone else find there is a direct correlation between the number of stupid emails they receive and their willingness to tear a student’s arms off and beat them with them?
FML:
ReplyDeleteThe magic number is 6 stupid emails. I should know, since that is the point at which I did tear the arms off one dumb student and beat her soundly. It might have been a bad idea, but it make me feel good.
Sincerely,
Joe (now known as inmate #63601)
I send a lot of those "what class are you in/do you want to get into?" replies, in reply to emails that begin "I am in/I want to force-add your class." Do they really not realize that most proffies teach more than one class? I'm a bit less frustrated when they fail to include a section number, since I don't consider teaching 4 sections of the same class -- my usual load -- ideal, even if it's pretty normal for the non-TT members of my department, but "your class" definitely brings me closer to the boiling point with each repetition -- and I've seen a lot of repetitions in the last week or two.
ReplyDelete"using Firefox is more helpful for opening files that Netscape in Blackboard."
ReplyDeleteNot to be pedabtic..but I will:
There hasn't been a Netscape branded browser released since 2007, and AOL ended support for Netscape in 2008.
If you're going to be snarky about student browser compatibility, then show them you know a more about Blackboard than they do, and helo them understand the *current* browser options:
-Safari (for Mac-using snowflakes)
-Internet Explorer (for non-technology curious snowflakes)
-Firefox (for the smart snowflakes)
Regretablly, it's part of the overhead cost of teaching online...
http://kb.blackboard.com/pages/viewpage.action?pageId=25368489
It is not my job to teach students how to use the internet or how to use every aspect of blackboard. That is like telling a college professor it is their job to teach a student ho to read so they can use the book. Students are expected to know how to use the technology to take an online version of a class. If they do not it is the universities job to teach them how to use blackboard, otherwise I would be teaching "intro to blackboard." I am not and thus I do not have time to teach each student how to use it.
ReplyDeletere: miserable adjunct:
ReplyDeleteDon't forget Chrome. For snowflakes who aren't quite as smart as the ones using Firefox but smarter than the ones using IE.
I admit I feel the exact same way, FML. I am watching those stupid e-mails come in now, and I am thinking to myself "You are going to fail and I just don't care. Get a brain in your head or go kill yourself."
ReplyDeleteThis is not a nice thought, but I am thinking it anyway. If you don't know anything about computers, cannot understand Blackboard, how to attach a file, how to read, how to navigate a web page, or how to call me or find me during my office hours so I can walk you through it live, and if you won't take the online student orientation offered by the college, and won't even go to the Distance Learning office where they have a super patient guy named Juan whose only job, 9-5, is to help snowflakes like you find their way out of paper bags in the college's online world (you know, the guy about whom I sent a classwide e-mail the first week?)----if you won't do any of that, and you insist on sending me dumbass e-mail after dumbass e-mail, then you can go fuck yourself. And waste your money. And fail. And I'll even get a tiny bit of satisfaction out of it.
Yes I will.