Because of budget cuts, our academic departments are being forced to consolidate. This directive comes from higher up the food chain (not at the college level) as a way to reduce faculty compensation since fewer chairs will have to be paid. In some ways it makes sense as certain disciplines would seem to have a natural fit, but others don't go together at all (e.g., basket weaving and Kool-Aid stirring). Since English is so large already, I thought we'd be exempt from this process. I was wrong. We are consolidating with two other departments, one of which is closely related to what we do and one which makes no sense at all. We had our first consolidation meeting recently. I felt so bad for the new folks coming in. Our department's size is overwhelming even when compared to the other two combined (and they had been combined in a previous consolidation, so they already are working together). But what's worse is that pretty much every nasty stereotype of English professors you can think of showed up in one form or another at this meeting. Extreme pomposity? Attempt to show the administration we're so much smarter than they are by using obscure literary references? Crazy conspiracy theories? Insisting that our discipline is superior so of course our current chair should be the one to run everything? Insulting the college president to his face while the chair does nothing to pull this circus into some sense of order? Yeah, we had all that and then some. About the only negative stereotype we managed to avoid was making everything about sex, though one angry proffie did insinuate that race and gender obviously had a role in all this (see crazy conspiracy theories above).
I swear to God we are not all like this. We just have certain vocal factions who run over the reasonable people. I know the folks from the other departments are already scared to death and wondering who these crazies are they'll have to work with. I need some good ideas about how to approach the new folks diplomatically, make them feel welcome, and start making the connections these consolidations are supposed to be about creating. I also think this could be a chance to shift the balance of power and get some sane people in charge. I don't if it's someone from one of the other disciplines. I'd just like to see my department be the gem it could instead of the college-wide joke it's become due to poor leadership.
I've been a victim of consolidation, so here goes. First, you need to stop thinking of your dept as the home dept into which you are welcoming others. Either it is everyone's dept or it isn't - if English plans to dominate everyone, they may as well go apply at McD for a job. It would be wise for the English people to recognize they were just butt-fucked by the administration as well. If you want people to survive this with a modicum of dignity, make sure that people will continue to get tenure/promotion, that there will not be a feeding frenzy to grab everyone else's assets (positions, GTAs, prime real estate), and that you don't interfere in each other's curricula. Don't be an idealist and think that some lovely collaboration will come from this. If it was going to happen, it would have without a merger. What will happen, I can promise you, is that they will cut your funding and lines and programs even further. They can do this easily after declaring that you mean absolutely nothing to the university.
ReplyDeleteSo let me guess: somebody in the department might have to teach "Brit. Lit. II and the Geography of the British Empire?" Or is it "Quadratic Eguations and Emily Bronte?" How about "War and Peace and the Usefullness of the Sagan Turtleneck in Astronomy?" If your fearless leadership can align the new mashed-together department right, the classes might jibe better. Or not.
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame you didn't bring along a small tape player, so that whenever the conspiracy theories begain to spill out, you could've played the "X-Files" theme in the background.