An earlier post about how to tell teachers about a death and have them actually believe you prompted me to wonder this...
What was the strangest and/or way a student has proven where they were instead of your class in order to gain an excused absence?
And...
What was the weirdest and/or funniest way you've proven an excuse wrong?
My answers in the comments.
This past year a student had a death in the family. The funeral was on the day they had most of their classes. Their other teacher required proof, preferably in the form of a death certificate.
ReplyDeleteTo me, this student brought prayer cards, a letter from the funeral home, and a digital picture taken of himself with the corpse. I was sort of horrified, and as I am wont to do when horrified I made a joke. "How do I know this isn't just a random dead person?" Cue him whipping out a picture of grandma and himself alive.
It was, indeed, the same woman.
As for my other question...
During my second year teaching my own grandmother died. She had lived with us since I was six, and so I traveled to the funeral which happened to be a day or so before spring break was due to start. I got a sub for my class since it wasn't a day they could easily miss.
Now, my school was 12 hours from home. There was no easy air access so most of us just drove it that came from that part of the state. My students often came from the same general part of the state that I did.
I got an e-mail from a student that morning I was driving back (and that my class was meeting) that said he was sick and wouldn't be in class. I told him that was fine and hoped he felt better (there were 3 no-excuse-needed absences given during the term).
I pulled into a gas station in the middle of nowhere. I pumped gas. I finished pumping gas. I decided I had to pee. As I walked away from my car another car pulled in and up to a pump. A student aged person hopped out of the car.
I looked. It was sick boy, looking not very sick at all. I glanced at my watch. It was the middle of when class was meeting. *Perfect.* I began waving enthusiastically. He turned green, started trying to stammer out a response, and simply gave up. He was clearly taking off for spring break early, and that was clearly an unexcused absence.
I laughed so hard that I nearly didn't make it to the bathroom for my pee.
At 9pm, day before a midterm, voicemail from student saying he was not feeling well and would probably miss the exam (4 min voicemail). 11pm, 2nd voicemail, student says he's going to the emergency room and *definitely* would not be at exam (3 min voicemail). Next one, 1am, from the emergency room nurse saying student X was having emergency removal of his appendix. Next voicemail, 6am, recovery nurse, saying student X was ok, but would miss the exam (now note this guy is making people call for him and he must remember my phone number). Last call, 10am, moments before exam, from student X, did I get his voicemails. I said, "I want the appendix as proof". It still sits on top of my bookcase.
ReplyDeleteBest real excuse--cellphone photo of the instrument panel of student's car, showing the temp gauge in the red zone.
ReplyDeleteBest catch--student who posted on FB that she overslept, but told professors she had food poisoning.
My student-from-hell has been trying to pass my physics-for-engineers class since 2004 Spring. He's tried everything, except coming to class, doing the homework, and passing the exams. One semester, he brought me a form to sign to resolve the previous semester's Incomplete grade. He mentioned that he hadn't turned in that week's homework because he had "car trouble." The form he'd just had me sign listed his address as being right across the street.
ReplyDeleteBest real excuse goes to the surfer in Florida who told me that he hadn't done his homework "because I was bitten by a shark." He offered me a look at it, but I declined: the bandages on his hand were oozing something nasty.
(Sharks rarely attack people, but when they do, they most often bite surfers on the hand or foot. This may be because surfers paddling on surfboards have silhouettes similar to those of seals, sharks' favorite prey, when seen from below.)
Appendix? You have his appendix?
ReplyDeleteYep, in a nice jar of formaldehyde, his doctor gave it to him and he gave it to me in class. We made a big performance about it, in terms of "you got an excuse?" Funniest lecture ever.
ReplyDeleteMy best excuse was from a student who called at 9 a.m. to say he had twisted his ankle and couldn't make it to the 11 a.m. scheduled test. I happened to be subbing for a colleague's 10 a.m. class. Guess who came strolling in to that class with no visible injuries. He walked normally all the way to the back of the room before realizing who was subbing and then happened to 'limp' his way back to the front to let me know he wasn't as badly injured as he'd first thought. I just smiled and said, "See you at 11."
ReplyDeleteAm feeling slightly inadequate for not having an appendix swimming in a formaldehyde jar.
I had two students email me a photo of a car-totaled, sitting in a driveway. That was their reason for missing the final exam-bad car wreck. When I asked for a police report detailing when the accident occurred, I never heard from them again. Two "I"s turned instantly into two Fs
ReplyDeleteExcuse me, but I am calling "baloney" to the appendix in the jar. Surgeons don't do that, one reason being it's illegal as all get-out in most states.
ReplyDeleteSome proffies are as good at telling fibs as their students are. Or better.
ReplyDeleteWant me to send you a pic? I'll doppler shift it for you. Maybe teaching hospitals have different rules.
ReplyDeleteSomeone should once again check the IP of this person claiming to be honest_prof....
ReplyDeleteBut I'm honest....
ReplyDeleteYes, kindly do post a picture, since I am skeptical. Make sure it clearly shows a human appendix.
ReplyDeleteSure, should I use Photoshop or GIMP? You shame us science types by accepting a picture as proof.
ReplyDelete@Schmitty.
ReplyDeleteIt's really him.
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ReplyDeleteWell, since you're so honest, I trust you wouldn't dream of it.
ReplyDeleteNed, I mean Froderick, how about you just extend the same respect you would give any other colleague, and if you don't believe me, keep it polite.
ReplyDelete