Dear Two Whiny Bitches Who Cheated On Exam One:
Each month you bitch to my supervisor that I am making you learn X number of chapters in Y number of weeks. The problem is your calculation of X always starts from the beginning of the semester. And while it is true that the two of you do, on each occasion, still need to read everything I've assigned from day one, it does not make it an accurate characterization of the pace I have set.
Your class sucks, so we've gone so slow, that only the two of you assholes can't keep up. I guess this is why you had only each other to cheat with on exam one. Exam two is coming and you bitched so convincingly, that even after she caught you 1) in a lie 2) in unwarranted hysterics and 3) in statements that prove you've never opened the textbook, she requested that I post-pone it a week. And STILL you are fucking bitching about how much work is left for the course. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you, but this is college. You don't get credit for standing still. That's civil service, baby, not college.
Stop telling me that 1) you have kids and 2) you are a teacher. I have kids and what the fuck do you think I am? An entertainer?
You have had a month to do a single chapter. We spent two months on the two previous chapters. You yourself admit that it takes just 4 (actually, you said "3 or 4") days to read a chapter. How the fuck are you not going to be able to fit those 4 days in between now and the beginning of June when I want you to fucking have it done? Oh, right, because YOU don't have a single chapter to read between now and then. YOU still have to read them ALL!
And lastly, if you want me to abandon the idea of exam three, it's your funeral. Your classmates got As on exam One and you fucking failed it EVEN THOUGH YOU CHEATED. Do you REALLY want that to be half of your grade? I don't know if it's stupidity or laziness, but you must learn one thing: Once you fuck up as badly as you did on an a major assignment, it's in your best interest for the teacher to assign MORE work to minimize the impact it has, not to cut away future opportunities so that exam comprises half your fucking grade.
It's time to shut your fucking mouth and open your fucking book.