Can I call in sick that day? I'll let the article speak for itself.
Here's the 'flava':
"At Otterbein, professors and staff members will “clap in” students arriving at Towers and Roush halls for 8 a.m. classes on Monday, the first day of classes."
Full article.
Finding the snowflakiest part of this is a challenge.
ReplyDeleteCould be this:
And there will be balloons and facts about semesters and welcome-back messages painted on the sidewalks.
Or this:
Otterbein also developed a first-year seminar series that is grounded in traditional fields of study but uses atypical themes such as the Philosophy of Harry Potter, the Science of Happiness or How Sports Explain Us.
Or this:
“Since I created my own major at Otterbein, I’m very limited in the number of electives I can take, so I haven’t been able to travel abroad,”
Or this:
Otterbein has promised its students that they can graduate on time as long as they create a detailed plan with their advisers.
Dean of Otterbein: And you are...?
ReplyDeleteStrelnikov: My true name I will not say, but you will refer to me as Strelnikov. I used to work in what Reagan called the "Evil Empire" as a "bluecap."
Dean: A what?
Strelnikov: KGB. In the directorate that beat the living shit out of people.
Dean: (visibly shaken) So what do you want?
Strelnikov: To confirm that you are the person who came up with the so called "clap in."
Dean: Yes, I did...we thought it was harmless, a bit of fun!
Strelnikov: That thought just cost you your freedom - Yuri, Sasha, grab him!
(Men in leather trenchcoats appear out of the darkness, seize the Dean, stuff him into a sleeping bag, zip up the bag up to his neck, then put a Bill Clinton mask over his face.)
Strelnikov: (to the squirming Dean) As Gene Hunt would say, "You're nicked!"
Curtain.
It sounds like Strelnikov may just have taken care of the problem, but, just to be safe, should I ever go back on the market, somebody remind me never to apply for a job at Otterbein.
ReplyDeleteI Otter Cry
ReplyDeleteI Otter Laugh
Otterbein Can Kiss My Ass.
Wait--moving to semesters is a new way to teach that invigorates this faculty member? Really?
ReplyDeleteYou want to study abroad? Join the Army. Ours might not take a person who "plans their own major" but other countries aren't so picky.
ReplyDeleteCardy the mascot? A dean of student success? Balloons? When I was a young, rebellious student, this sort of thing would have made my skin crawl. It still does. It begs the question, though: If this kind of thing is nauseating to us, are they looking for good students or just students? Wait, I already know.
ReplyDeleteA dean of student success? Why not just call it a dean of gumdrop unicorns and be done with it?
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, issyvoo. As a student, if I was met on campus with applause for simply showing up, I'd turn right around and leave thinking that I had mistakenly stumbled on the local preschool.
ReplyDelete