9:44 am
Put this in your Glossary (or I'll kill many kittens)
Dear College Misery,
I respectfully (for now, but I’ll bitch like hell if I don’t get what I want) submit a new word to be considered for inclusion in the CM Glossary. That word is “Pinball”.
Please let me explain:
At my institution (and I’m certain many others) we have a large and ever increasing number of individuals (not always students) who text while walking. Although this occurs in many areas of the campus, nowhere is it more noticeable than in the corridors of our “gigantic lecture halls” building. As huge classes are dismissed, and I try salmon-like to move upstream against the flow, I am confronted by a sea of downward-looking faces madly texting on their “smart” devices.
Inevitably, because they are not cognizant of their surroundings, these texters bump into my (insignificant) self, many other (insignificant) individuals, and a myriad of (insignificant) items such as tables, chairs, drinking fountains, etc. They then bounce off the aforementioned items in random directions much like the balls in an old-fashioned Balley’s machine. The only difference is that real pinballs do their ricocheting at varying rates. Texting “Pinballers” have only one reaction speed….slow. During the interaction their eyes never leave the screen and their fingers never stop typing.
They never utter a sound. There is no “excuse me, sorry, oops, uggh, get the “F” out of my way”, nothing. I used to think this was rudeness but I have come to realize that they are simply unaware of anything other than the glowing screen with the little buttons placed approximately 10 inches from their empty, expressionless faces.
So ….. Pinball – a texter so immersed in the experience that all sensory perception is short-circuited and the only remaining instinct/ability is to bounce off objects.
This may not be apropos for the CM Glossary, but that’s what they represent to me. (Please do reread my first sentence.)
I don’t want to be totally negative about the topic. There may be some good here. It could be turned into a teachable moment (“for every action there is an equal and opposite…..oh right, nevermind”). Actually it has brought back some wonderful memories of a misspent, but totally happy, youth.
“Ever since When I was a young boy, I PLAYED (not WAS) the silver ball”
Best, and thanks for your fun site.
fiddlebright
[+]
1:09 pm
Put this in your Glossary (or I'll kill many kittens) REDUX!!!
I find that, in my original message (copied below), that I regrettably left a word out of my definition. It should properly read:
Pinball – a [walking] texter so immersed in the experience that all sensory perception is short-circuited and the only remaining instinct/ability is to bounce off objects.
I noticed that it has been over three hours since I sent my original message. As yet I have received no confirmation that you have received my message nor seen Pinball included in the Glossary. Is this because I left the word "walking" out of my definition, thereby being unclear? (as some of my students would claim) Is it because you have rejected my submission out of hand without giving it the consideration it deserves? (stand in line, buddy!) Or is it just the "elitist" attitude so often referred to in the comments section of the posts? (you know what I think)I hope you will remedy this situation ASAP. If you are conflicted (but how could you be?), please consider putting my request to the vote and allow the matter to be decided by the collective wisdom of the CM community. This is what a responsible moderator would do!!!!!
Thank you in advance for your cooperation.
fiddlebright
The "Pinball Wizard"
P.S. This is not the "bitching like hell" (to be forever known as BLH) that I refer to in my original message. BLH is much worse so, please, reconsider your biased and rude treatment of me and just update the damned Glossary already!
P.P.S. How about BLH (bitching like hell)? Could this be included in the Glossary as well? Let me know.
I think we have a new CM dictionary word:
ReplyDeleteFiddlebright. A CM poster not only convinced of his own cleverness and intellectual superiority, but also of the bias, blindness, and stupidity of the mod. Thus, he is obviously delusional.
If the Fiddlebright perceives his obvious cleverness is not being paid proper attention by the dullard mod, he will send accusatory and insulting emails to that effect. Because perhaps the most defining characteristic of the Fiddlebright is that like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, the Fiddlebright WILL NOT BE IGNORED!
The Fiddlebright can also probably be found boiling household pets, though that last part is simply speculation.
Well thank you, Stella, for stepping on my toes and stealing my thunder with your new glossary term, Fiddlebright. I will hold you personally responsible if neither Pinball nor BLH make it to the list. Is this an example of the elitism that I referred to?
ReplyDeleteHowever I am not proud. I consider any term even marginally connected to me to be a victory if, ultimately, it finds its way to immortality the CM Glossary. I mean, what else am I going to leave behind after I die? (Other than a good-looking corpse)
BTW: Moderator, that pic doesn’t look anything like me. I wear glasses and that instrument is defiantly not a fiddle. Please make a better one ASAP. This Fiddlebright is BLH and will not be ignored!
- Sent from my iPhone while walking.
It's not elitism to point out when someone's being an ass, Fiddlebright.
ReplyDeleteSo, stop being a Fiddlebright and maybe the word will come to mean something else.
Like, "CMer who was an ass and had an epiphany and then mended their ways."
Stranger things have happened.
Uh, Fab, is that you?
ReplyDeleteI mean, I don't think it's Yaro.
Fiddlestix, it sometimes helps to break the tablets in half.
This group will run him out of the place, even though he's just telling the truth. It's a shame. They need to keep the toy just to themselves.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's me, but I'm pretty sure the font of the second post was originally written in Sarcastica.
ReplyDeleteOh, Harker, everyone knows that.
ReplyDeleteIt's just that Fiddledix is just not swinging a big enough schtick.
This is, after all, the major leagues, Mr. Hobbs.
I like him. I hope we don't scare him off. It seems that anyone new who comes around gets attacked and that really can't be the best way to keep a page going.
ReplyDeleteWelcome Fiddlebright. I like your definition of Pinball. I have the same students. Now I'll hear bells and whistles when I see them texting.
Given the manic outburst of CM activity from newbie Fiddlebright, something suggests to me that a threshold was crossed, something that broke Fiddlebright's until-now toleration [is that a word? oh hell, I haven't had my morning coffee yet...] of the misery that is academia. Fiddlebright, please show us on the doll where the bad student hurt you.
ReplyDeleteOh, but he asked for a vote.
ReplyDeleteSo let's vote. In the glossary, or not?
Pinball (n):
ReplyDelete1. A walking texter so immersed in the experience that all sensory perception is short-circuited and the only remaining instinct/ability is to bounce off objects
2. A comment thread where contestants attempt to achieve social dominance by calling each other names.
And just like that, Fiddlebear and Dr Nate have made it onto the glossary...
ReplyDeleteWow! Just wow!
ReplyDeleteStella – there are many excellent decaffeinated coffees available where I live. PM me an address and I’ll send some along. (Postage due, of course. These are hard times.)
Prickly Prof – to even be suspected of being Yaro is perhaps the highest compliment I have ever been paid. It gives me a warm fuzzy that I can’t even begin to describe in the mixed company that makes up the membership here. Also, if I break the tablets in half I will have only five commandments to live by. That’s not enough.
Honest Prof – “The Toy”? Do you mean that great movie starring Richard Pryor and Jackie Gleason?
J. Harker – thank you. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who has a “keen sense of the bleedin’ obvious”. (John Cleese)
Pernicious Pete – you’re probably right. It IS difficult to compete with some of the bigger schticks around here in the CM major leagues.
Darla – I’ve always loved you and I’m not afraid to say it! Always will.
Prof Poopiehead – I’m afraid I can’t honor your request. That practice is reserved for my therapy sessions.
Frog and Toad – ALRIGHT!! Thank you for keeping everyone on track with your reminder that this all about a vote.
FRIENDS, please cast your vote ASAP (and often if you’re from Chicago like me). The suspense is killing me and that new litter of kittens at my neighbor’s house is shooting me some very nervous looks when I stop by. I think they can sense that something is up.
Finally, let’s look up “whimsy” in the dictionary. I could just copy and paste it from the internet but that hits a little too close to home considering my students’ methodology on our latest Blackboard vocab test.
There's a glossary? Seriously? Huh.
ReplyDeleteI thought fiddlebright's post was really amusing--and useful. Highly visually entertaining while summing up my own thoughts about the pinball phenomenon, and an excellent rant (or BLH, if you will).
At my CC, we don't have many large lecture hall-like buildings, but we do have one main thoroughfare that seems to attract the pinballers, most of whom are among the youngest of our students. I no longer dodge them. I just keep moving on. Yes, they run into me. Yes, most of them see this as a huge affront--to them. Yes, I find this highly amusing.
Whoa! I refresh my browser and find that the CM Glossary and been appropriately updated. This is one of the happiest/proudest moments of my life. I'd like to thank the community, my parents, etc.
ReplyDeleteStella - I didn't notice Fiddlebright in there. Who's the biatch now?
I love "pinball". I whacked one as it was coming down the stairs towards me right after class today.
ReplyDeleteSerioulsy, how the eff are you texting as you're walking DOWN THE EFFING STAIRS??
FB, welcome.
I do hope that those of you who were whacking away at Fiddlebright were joking, since he obviously was ... I mean, holy crow, please, please tell me y'all were joking. Dear Lord.
ReplyDeleteLove it! This is my home away from home and I love how everyone bickers and plays together.
ReplyDeleteNow to combine a fiddlebright and a pinball... fiddleball? pinbright? brightball?
Y'all be illin', dawg!
ReplyDeleteO well, now we know we are not a voting democracy but a hive-mind with a lead bee. Which is OK by me but I know it will get honest_prof's panties in a wad.
ReplyDeletedear god in heaven, did someone think there was going to be a real vote?
ReplyDeletegordo, do your thing, baby!
I don't particularly care about the glossary, because I don't look at it.
ReplyDeleteBut someone writing nasty, accusatory, self-important notes to the mod makes me angry.
Fiddlebright was being a real dick. Am I the only person that thinks so?
I thought it was funny. And I thought Pinball was very clever.
ReplyDeleteDitto on not reading the glossary, although I'm glad it's there if I want to.
ReplyDeleteI also thought it was cleverly sarcastic...
Now I want an introduction to the blog. Dammit. Why didn't _I_ get an introduction? *stomping feet*
Stella, I sincerely thought, and continue to think, that he was joking. Intentionally coming up with everything that a troll will come up with, but including the "boiling kittens" threat to show that we are to take it as a joke. He was taking all the worst bits of "real goddamned mail" and rolling them into one email; that can't have been an accident.
ReplyDeleteMerely: I didn't read it that way, for a whole lot of reasons I won't go into now. But the whole thing can be pretty much settled if Fiddlebright can answer a simple question: Did he send those emails to Gordon privately, or ask for them to be published on CM? (I don't know if he has posting rights--but the posts were put up by CM.) Then it would be more obvious that it was an attempt at parody, for us all to enjoy (or misinterpret as the case may be). I didn't read it that way, again, but in that case I'd admit I was completely wrong about Fiddlebright's intent. And I'd accept that decaffeinated coffee. It's not like Fiddlebright can lie, because the mod knows the truth and would possibly publicly contradict him.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the record I'm not averse to publicly admitting I'm wrong.
When I'm wrong.
So what is it, Fiddlebright?
But were any actual kittens harmed? What about the duck??
ReplyDeleteThe duck was only used as a counterweight for the witch. Whether it was taken home and roasted afterwards is not known.
ReplyDeleteAnnie...I am actually laughing. Awesome!
ReplyDeleteI lose sleep worrying about kittens and ducks, Greta.
ReplyDeleteYou rock, Annie. introvert.prof--bonus points for the MP reference.
ReplyDeleteI'm really surprised at your reaction, Stella, since I totally read fiddlebright's piece as humor--and I loved it. I think it offers a fresh, funny voice here at CM.
Calico, you had to know that someone would think the vote was real. Breathe, man, breathe. And laugh.
OK, the truth. Sorry about the length.
ReplyDeleteI wrote up the original Pinball email on Sunday morning because I had an hour to spare. It was based on my real observations. I used the “kill many kittens” bit in the subject line as I thought it might catch the attention of a Moderator who I assumed got many emails per day. My only goal was to see if “Pinball” had merit as a glossary item. It was never my intention, request, or expectation that it be put up as an actual post (although I enjoyed and appreciated it immensely). I seriously thought you had to be an invited correspondent to do that and I was flattered.
I sent the second email, you know, the one that caused all the trouble, and used the kitten line once again to hopefully catch the eye of the Moderator. I received a humorous response from Mr. Presto and we joked back and forth a few times before he told me “something would happen” early the next day. I thought he was referring to the Glossary. He did use the words “hilarious” and “excellent” so he apparently perceived things that some did not.
I was shocked by Stella’s first comment so I responded in what I thought was a humorous manner, hoping any confusion about my intentions would be ameliorated. After a few more regulars’ comments, calling me an ass, speculating on the size of my “schtick” etc., I decided to see if these folks were as good at getting as they were at giving. I commented again (this time with a few shots of my own) but still did attempt to show the reality of the situation by inviting everyone to review the word whimsy.
After “Pinball” was included in the Glossary I figured my work was done and left the regulars to sort the whole mess out. Getting that word in was my original goal, after all. However, the drama involved during the process was too much to pass up. Y’all made it as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. You can’t float those big balloons in front of someone without a few of them being deflated.
So no hard feelings here and I apologize if any of the folks I called out by name and jabbed were offended. Of course this does not include Darla. She was kind and I meant every word I said. Also, Merely Academic had it nailed from the start and I appreciated his attempts to have my back in the face of the madding crowd.
It all boils down to this: I GOT MY WORD IN and, all in all, had a fun/bizarre ending to what had been a fairly dull weekend. By the same token, you convinced me that I’m not NEARLY as funny as I thought and I will certainly think twice before I try to peddle any misguided humor in these parts again. I read RYS throughout its run and will continue to read and enjoy College Misery as long as it lives. I can’t imagine a day without it. Sometimes it really is funny.
Sounds like a Charlie Sheen level win for all. But you’re a tough crowd. And BTW, the kittens are doing fine as is the duck. (duck?)
Forgot something. I'm still quite upset that BLH has not been included in the Glossary. Especially considering how much of it appeared in this thread.
ReplyDeletePlease add it ASAP and stop with your horrible treatment of me. It's the very least you can do after all I've been through.
Joking, OK?
Fiddlebright:
ReplyDeleteOkay. Pass the decaf.
In light of the "real goddamned emails" I thought that your second email was just another lunatic email to the mod. I wasn't even sure that your name itself wasn't invented, to shield the guilty. Apparently our series of mods has gotten a lot of annoying, accusatory emails, many worse than yours, and the thought that Gordon was getting even more pissed me off.
Obviously, I think too much! Or have too much time on my hands.
You're OK, Stella. The truth is I knew it all along.
ReplyDeleteGood wishes.
fiddlebright (not my real name)
What's weird is that I've been on vacation for the past four days.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what the hell's been going on.
Gordo
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWelcome, Fiddlebright. Thanks for the big, big smile as I read your first missives. I understand Stella's protectiveness of Gordo, having recently been stung a bit myself. But you seemed to be having quite a merry time, rather than spewing actual troll bitterness.
ReplyDeleteI will now think "pinball" as the Little Dears careen down my hallway. But they will never come close to the Magna-saving, Multi-balling mayhem that was Black Knight.
tl;dr
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI have to go lie down now.
ReplyDeleteNo one told me that we were a hive-mind.
ReplyDelete