Not so Anon Anton: There are two copiers in this room. Scooting over to the second copier when you create a jam in the first, and then buggering off without fixing said jam is an asshole move. You know it; I know it; everyone knows it. Presumably you thought you could get away with it because your name wasn't on the jammed copies. Dude, this might be true, but you're the only one who teaches Estonian Basketweaving, and the pieces of accordion-folded paper I pried out of the copier were all about the history of the basket in Estonia. I thoughtfully put them in your pigeonhole to let you know just how busted you are.
Sexist Saul from Sociology: Just because I can fix a jam in the photocopier doesn't mean you should assume I am an admin person. Talking down to me in order to jump the queue in order to print "just a couple emails" wasn't charming, and nor was your huffy reaction when I refused. I fixed the copier so I could do my own photocopying. Also, why on earth do you need to PRINT OUT emails? What is this, 1992?
Hound-dog Harold: Everyone in the whole department knows you are having an affair with Hottie Hannah who teaches Ancient Basketweaving. Shutting her office door when you walk in there with a folder under your arm trying to pretend you will be having a serious conversation about work fools no one. Your kinder colleagues who don't like gossip just feel bad for your nubile young wife.
When you walk into the photocopier room and ignore all your other colleagues to make small talk about how fabulously your first class went with our brand-newest female colleague from Hamster Fur Studies, it's completely obvious what you are up to. There's now a deadpool on how long it will be before you start sleeping with undergrads. I'm in for Fall Semester 2013.
I fixed copiers for a living. Here are a few rules.
ReplyDelete1. Don't get in a hurry! There are labels on the inside covers with pictures for the word-challenged. RTFI, just like you tell the snowflakes.
2. There is usually an animated display on the LCD screen on the top. Follow it. Sometimes it takes a couple of seconds to change to show you the next step. Don't get in a hurry!
3. Do not get in a hurry and rip the pages out. If you do rip a page, make sure there are enough pieces to constitute a whole one. The paper path in the machine is only a few millimeters high in some places, so a torn scrap of paper is more than capable of blocking the paper path. So are paper clips, staples, labels and doughnut crumbs. Keep them away from the copier.
4. When copying labels, don't get in a hurry and put them in the cassettes under the main part of the copier. The paper path has to move them around a bend to turn them over for copying, effectively peeling them off the sheet just as you do by hand. Put them face up in the side feed tray and select that tray on the Operations Panel.
5. Replacing staples in the Finisher/Stapler is easy if you don't get in a hurry and follow the pictures in the instructions. If they don't go in easily, don't force them.
6. When putting paper into the cassettes, don't get in a hurry, especially if it is a 500-sheet Large Capacity Drawer. Just dropping a few of reams of paper in will almost surely guarantee the bottom sheet of the ream will be bent or folded. That one crappy sheet will bring the 50 copies of a four-page duplex (front and back) run to a halt. The problem is that it may not happen to your job because the folded page is down too far. It'll screw up someone else's run, but hey, life is unfair. Tell yourself that when someone else does it to you.
7. Don't be a snowflake. Snowflakes don't think ahead, plan, or have a back-up plan. They wait until the last minute, get in a hurry, and then stop thinking when things go wrong. Don't wait until it's two minutes to class to try to run a job. The Crisis Detection Sensor in the machine will be activated by your stress level and will create a proportionate malfunction. Do it the night before or get to school in plenty of time to do the work properly.
I think we work together.
ReplyDeleteLast week I was wishing I could have been wombat of sex, candy and platinum instead - wtf is wrong with people? I hate people who jam and run. If you're too stupid to follow the directions, at least stand around the door looking remorseful until someone who CAN read shows up.
We have a little sign about etiquette (I can not spell that word) hanging over the machine - I think we need to add "Don't jam and run away like you didn't do it." to the list. I hate the jam and runners. Is it clear how I feel about the jam and run?
And yes - they can pretty much always be identified by the stiff and dusty little accordions they leave behind.
PS: I hated that little ghost bastard from the Family Circus, and if you jam and run, I hate you more.
1) Hide a nanny-cam in a nook or cranny of the copy room.
ReplyDelete2) Record the hijinks of all of these no-talent ass-clowns.
3) Play the recording at the next department meeting.
4) Laugh at their discomfort. Don't feel remorse. Remember, they're being the asshats, not you.