I guess that depends on how you want to define "effective". Do I show up? Yes. Do I see the point and give it my all? No. Do I myself just assuming students are lying resulting in those who would honestly use my help losing out? Definately. I feel like I am teaching to the lowest common denominator.
If economics allowed me to NOT work like a hamster on a wheel would I give up the rat race of three jobs just to pay my mortgage and student loans would I? In a heart beat.
Unfortunately many of you are in the same boat as I am, bills to pay so we have to take on high amounts work for low pay in an academic culture that is becoming more about customer service than teaching them knowledge and life skills. Damned straight I am burnt out. I am currently revising my syllabus to the path of least resistance so I can keep moving on this unholy march.
There have been times in the past three years when I just phoned in my job. I graded quickly and poorly, giving mostly high grades to avoid conflict. I've taught the same syllabus, the same readings so I wouldn't have to work outside of the room.
And in the class I was on auto-pilot, arriving 3 minutes late, letting them out 10 minutes early. I got as mediocre as I could stand while I worked out other things in my life.
Guilt? Yeah, but my career had worn me down to a nub, and I used this time to get some balance elsewhere in my life.
When I got through it, I said, "Fuck it. I'm doing the best I can."
Of course there is real burnout. In the last three departments I have taught there have been four faculty members who have had to go on leave for stress or other mental health reasons (not long-term underlying issues such as bipolar disorder etc.). The pressures of uncertain tenure terms, arbitrary evaluation of research and faculty, fighting with students, etc. led me to attempt suicide six years ago (which failed only because of a miraculous coincidence). I'd say one of my colleagues at the moment is heading for something similar.
I was probably clinically depressed during several months of my second year of adjuncting -- a state brought on by a variety of stressors, including but not limited to teaching 5 courses at 3 institutions (and I have to say "probably" because I had health insurance that covered only catastrophic illnesses, and knew from the application process that I'd have more difficulty getting even that if I sought diagnosis and treatment, so I didn't -- in retrospect, I should have sought treatment anyway). I kept functioning, but I did run into a student later at the institution I eventually dropped as better opportunities opened up elsewhere who said "I understand why you left; you clearly hated the place" -- which wasn't, in fact, true -- and only a major blizzard saved me from walking into the first day of an English 101 class without a complete syllabus (which I just couldn't seem to construct, even though I'd written plenty of English 101 syllabi before). So I'd say I was functional (and the fact that I was given additional classes at 2 schools probably bears that out), but barely so.
These days, other parts of my life have improved, and I pay a lot of attention to designing my classes so that the workload is hard, but evenly distributed and no more than I've consistently been able to accomplish in the past (and, thank goodness, have the autonomy to do this, as long as my approach falls within certain fairly flexible guidelines). I usually have one or two days a semester when exhaustion hits me, and I slow to molasses pace (or a full stop). I've learned that, when that happens, the best (and completely counterintuitive) cure is to plan a real day off as soon as possible, then get back to work.
I've also lost days to fuming over, and in some cases constructing written protests of, particular instances of my (mis)treatment as a contingent faculty member. That's a somewhat different phenomenon, but definitely a periodic time and energy suck, and probably the primary cause, these days, of something that resembles burnout.
I'm probably drifting around in the same (life)boat as Cassandra -- though my "3 hour tour" is now entering its 6th year.
Adjuncting was supposed to be a nice bonus to a primary career in my discipline. Undertaken as a "hey I don't NEED to do this" P/T job, teaching can be a nice way to keep current, stay connected to the up-and-comers, have to think about one's work beyond the limited parameters of a professional job.
But, as the great philosopher Lennon said: "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." The professional career path got derailed and the "something on the side" p/t job has been needed to keep afloat.
It is crushingly difficult to stay motivated when you are working your guts out and just barely making it, a particular challenge during the bare bones summer months. (Oops, I forgot --teachers don't work summers!) There were more than a few times when I had the time and space to get work done and I just couldn't bring myself to open the next file, fearing a blizzard of flakiness.
And then ... there is a day like today when finally the financial drought ended with a thunderstorm of cash propelling me from upper-lower class to upper-middle class income level again.
Of course, now I have to pay off all of the bills that couldn't be paid over the last four months and the cycle starts anew!
This makes me miss BiPolar Beth. Are you out there? Start posting again!!!
Earlier this term, I had a huge crash. I'm teaching at 3 universities, one of them 3 hours away, and there are days when I get home at 10pm after waking up at 6 and I feel so completely and totally depressed that I cannot stop crying. Because I have 200 students (all of whom I am personally responsible for grading) and no help, some good pay but no benefits, and I am exhausted.
Mentally and emotionally, I need a break. But I cannot afford one. And there is no job security in sight.
I find that there are days when I dissolved into sobs interspersed with really good days where my creativity and passion for teaching returns.
I got very depressed for a couple of years and finally took a term off to get my head back in the game. But compared to what I read here, I have nothing, nothing at all, to complain about.
Of course. I have a class of mostly zombies. It is nearly impossible to motivate myself to prepare. (I don't really NEED to, I know the material). That way I don't prepare a great lecture/activity and have it fall on deaf ears. That is depressing. It doesn't help that I am seeing a MOS that I like spending time with.
Last year was a turkey. It was bad. Bad, bad, bad. And my course evals show it. But you know what? That was my NINTH year teaching. NINTH. I'll get my PhD in May.
Right now I just learned that I'm out of a job come December. It's damn hard to stand in front of a classroom now and be enthusiastic. I kind of want to cry...hey! Maybe that would ENTERTAIN the 200 wee buggers!
I guess that depends on how you want to define "effective". Do I show up? Yes. Do I see the point and give it my all? No. Do I myself just assuming students are lying resulting in those who would honestly use my help losing out? Definately. I feel like I am teaching to the lowest common denominator.
ReplyDeleteIf economics allowed me to NOT work like a hamster on a wheel would I give up the rat race of three jobs just to pay my mortgage and student loans would I? In a heart
beat.
Unfortunately many of you are in the same boat as I am, bills to pay so we have to take on high amounts work for low pay in an academic culture that is becoming more about customer service than teaching them knowledge and life skills. Damned straight I am burnt out. I am currently revising my syllabus to the path of least resistance so I can keep moving on this unholy march.
There have been times in the past three years when I just phoned in my job. I graded quickly and poorly, giving mostly high grades to avoid conflict. I've taught the same syllabus, the same readings so I wouldn't have to work outside of the room.
ReplyDeleteAnd in the class I was on auto-pilot, arriving 3 minutes late, letting them out 10 minutes early. I got as mediocre as I could stand while I worked out other things in my life.
Guilt? Yeah, but my career had worn me down to a nub, and I used this time to get some balance elsewhere in my life.
When I got through it, I said, "Fuck it. I'm doing the best I can."
Of course there is real burnout. In the last three departments I have taught there have been four faculty members who have had to go on leave for stress or other mental health reasons (not long-term underlying issues such as bipolar disorder etc.). The pressures of uncertain tenure terms, arbitrary evaluation of research and faculty, fighting with students, etc. led me to attempt suicide six years ago (which failed only because of a miraculous coincidence). I'd say one of my colleagues at the moment is heading for something similar.
ReplyDeleteI was probably clinically depressed during several months of my second year of adjuncting -- a state brought on by a variety of stressors, including but not limited to teaching 5 courses at 3 institutions (and I have to say "probably" because I had health insurance that covered only catastrophic illnesses, and knew from the application process that I'd have more difficulty getting even that if I sought diagnosis and treatment, so I didn't -- in retrospect, I should have sought treatment anyway). I kept functioning, but I did run into a student later at the institution I eventually dropped as better opportunities opened up elsewhere who said "I understand why you left; you clearly hated the place" -- which wasn't, in fact, true -- and only a major blizzard saved me from walking into the first day of an English 101 class without a complete syllabus (which I just couldn't seem to construct, even though I'd written plenty of English 101 syllabi before). So I'd say I was functional (and the fact that I was given additional classes at 2 schools probably bears that out), but barely so.
ReplyDeleteThese days, other parts of my life have improved, and I pay a lot of attention to designing my classes so that the workload is hard, but evenly distributed and no more than I've consistently been able to accomplish in the past (and, thank goodness, have the autonomy to do this, as long as my approach falls within certain fairly flexible guidelines). I usually have one or two days a semester when exhaustion hits me, and I slow to molasses pace (or a full stop). I've learned that, when that happens, the best (and completely counterintuitive) cure is to plan a real day off as soon as possible, then get back to work.
I've also lost days to fuming over, and in some cases constructing written protests of, particular instances of my (mis)treatment as a contingent faculty member. That's a somewhat different phenomenon, but definitely a periodic time and energy suck, and probably the primary cause, these days, of something that resembles burnout.
I'm probably drifting around in the same (life)boat as Cassandra -- though my "3 hour tour" is now entering its 6th year.
ReplyDeleteAdjuncting was supposed to be a nice bonus to a primary career in my discipline. Undertaken as a "hey I don't NEED to do this" P/T job, teaching can be a nice way to keep current, stay connected to the up-and-comers, have to think about one's work beyond the limited parameters of a professional job.
But, as the great philosopher Lennon said: "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." The professional career path got derailed and the "something on the side" p/t job has been needed to keep afloat.
It is crushingly difficult to stay motivated when you are working your guts out and just barely making it, a particular challenge during the bare bones summer months. (Oops, I forgot --teachers don't work summers!) There were more than a few times when I had the time and space to get work done and I just couldn't bring myself to open the next file, fearing a blizzard of flakiness.
And then ... there is a day like today when finally the financial drought ended with a thunderstorm of cash propelling me from upper-lower class to upper-middle class income level again.
Of course, now I have to pay off all of the bills that couldn't be paid over the last four months and the cycle starts anew!
This makes me miss BiPolar Beth. Are you out there? Start posting again!!!
ReplyDeleteEarlier this term, I had a huge crash. I'm teaching at 3 universities, one of them 3 hours away, and there are days when I get home at 10pm after waking up at 6 and I feel so completely and totally depressed that I cannot stop crying. Because I have 200 students (all of whom I am personally responsible for grading) and no help, some good pay but no benefits, and I am exhausted.
Mentally and emotionally, I need a break. But I cannot afford one. And there is no job security in sight.
I find that there are days when I dissolved into sobs interspersed with really good days where my creativity and passion for teaching returns.
I miss BiPolar Beth. I felt she spoke for me.
I got very depressed for a couple of years and finally took a term off to get my head back in the game. But compared to what I read here, I have nothing, nothing at all, to complain about.
ReplyDeleteOf course. I have a class of mostly zombies. It is nearly impossible to motivate myself to prepare. (I don't really NEED to, I know the material). That way I don't prepare a great lecture/activity and have it fall on deaf ears. That is depressing.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't help that I am seeing a MOS that I like spending time with.
Last year was a turkey. It was bad. Bad, bad, bad. And my course evals show it. But you know what? That was my NINTH year teaching. NINTH. I'll get my PhD in May.
ReplyDeleteRight now I just learned that I'm out of a job come December. It's damn hard to stand in front of a classroom now and be enthusiastic. I kind of want to cry...hey! Maybe that would ENTERTAIN the 200 wee buggers!