Real Goddamned Mail. The Wilhelm Edition.
- I don't understand what's so hard about what you do. Can't you play favorites, scare newbies off, and beat your meat at the same time?
- I can't find a post of mine that I put up a couple of months ago. It was the most popular post that month, and now it's been censored. Fuck all of you.
- Could you please ban Xxxxxxx from the page. He's a complete creep and he's made numerous threats of a veiled nature on the page.
- Would you tell Xxxxxxx to stop posting his inane thoughts. This isn't his personal blog. I'm sick of skipping his ramblings. Why don't you do a better job of editing the things that come in. If you're not going to do the job right then let me do it. What a bunch of bullshit.
- I posted something yesterday and it only got one comment. I know this is because you've been hovering over it all day and deleting anything anyone said nice about it. I know because I posted something under my wife's name and when I went to check it it was gone. That's just wrong and I'm sick of how you run the page.
- Why all the drama? You guys are such fags.
- Xxxxxxxx has got to be deleted from the page. It makes me sick every time I see his name. He's mean and spiteful, and I don't think his elevator goes to all of the floors.
- Will you please look at my post from Nov XX and tell me why the letters are so big? I know I didn't type them that big. In fact most of my letters look too big. Can you adjust them from there?
- Sometimes I forget my login information. Is there a way to hide these things in the background of the blog so I could highlight the text with my mouse and find it? Just wondering.
- Could you have the posts be shorter. My scroll wheel doesnot work and so I have to drag through long posts that are not interesting to me. I bet a number of people have a similar problem maybe not with the wheel but with being bored by long posts. If everyone wrote shorter pieces then more could be on the page at one time and I could glance and read instead of waiting for the pages to roll past.
- I wish you'd tell Xxxxxxx that he's a complete fucking asshole. He commented on everything I ever wrote and each time he tried to be a big man about it. Like his shit doesn't stink, he's only got Cum Laude students and the rest of us teach retards. His arrogance knows no boundary.
- Are you angry with me?
- Did I miss something that happened on the blog the other day?
- Could you make up a chapter listing or directory of some kind so every post about students could be found at one time? I get tired of hearing people complain about their jobs.
- The new header is terrible looking. The blocked letters don't even line up. If you took two minutes you could make it better. And does "The Wilhelm" know that that means "The William" and that it doesn't make sense. I also don't like the background which on my screen is just a black and white blob. You should take a look at some other pages and try to get a lean and clean style. What this looks like is a goddamned mess. I'm just trying to help.
- There's a comment on the Xxxxxxx post from yesterday. It has my name, but I don't remember writing it. And there's a typo in it. How do you fix that?
- What the fuck is "flava?" Is that ebonics or something?
- Whose rule is it that says I can't use multiple names? That's ridiculous. How are you going to get some smackdown started without a little controversy.
- Tell Xxxxxxx that whenever he makes a comment, it kills the entire thread. that should be a lesson to him to lay off. Nobody wants to argue with an asshole like that.
- I wish you'd get one full time moderator to do this all the time, and not a bunch of lazy whiny fuck-asses who can do nothing but delete good comments and fuck up the way the page looks. If you'd do that, I might give half a shit about what is on this page. Until then, though, bite my balls.
Oh, brilliant!! Some real gems in there.
ReplyDeleteI personally love the gritty background we have right now. But then I'm pretty excited about our changing background on a regular basis.
PSA: If your scroll doesn't work, just hit the space bar. It jumps down one screen at a time.
Keep up the good work, Wilhelm!!
(ps, love the CM: 4.0. So much to infer.)
ReplyDeleteAaaaaaaaaaaah, that's the fucking stuff right there.
ReplyDeleteSigh. With professors like us, how can we blame our students for being so dumb?
ReplyDeleteP.S. To the "flava" guy: your question mark should go outside the quotation marks.
The moderator in charge could almost do a list like this every day. And what's always so tempting is outing folks, the regulars who write such inanities, and the regulars who are named so often.
ReplyDeleteWe'd never do it, of course; that's something we have a tacit agreement about. But, soon everyone on the page will have been a moderator, and we'll ALL know.
I'm glad I get to teach students and not these idiots.
ReplyDeleteReal Goddamned Mail would work well as a book (see, for example, "Is it cowardly to pray for rain?").
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, getting it classified as non-fiction might challenge all 4 of us / you.
These sound like my evals. Aren't we supposed to be better than this?
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, Wilhelm. Only time I've laughed today.
ReplyDeleteOMG--that's a reason to be a mod right there. A chance to get a gander at the names of all the whiny dicks.
ReplyDeleteYou know who you are, you fucking whiny dicks. Quit it.
"Fucking whiny dick" - I have to memorize that one :-)
ReplyDelete"Fucking whiny dick"---little known fact: that was the working title Melville had for "Moby Dick."
ReplyDelete"...This is clearly a fucked-up community from the emails. Plus the moderators clearly do not know how to run a blog, so farewell."
ReplyDeleteDon't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out. Let's face it - you were probably "Anon" in another form, so it's all for the best. Be like "The Thing" and respawn as something hideous: a decapitated head with eyestalks and spider legs; or an Alaskan Huskie that splits into a mass of writing tentacles; or Wilford "diabeetus" Brimley. Your choice.
Meanwhile, I get the feeling that I'm one of the people mentioned in the "Real Goddamn Mail"....so, The Wilhelm, am I mentioned in the Gawddamed Mail, or is it my imagination?
If you weren't mentioned, Strel, you wouldn't have been doing your job....
ReplyDelete@MAM: I vote for adding a new CM term:
ReplyDeletemoby, adj. "fucking whiny" as in "I had a visit from a moby student today, complaining about how she had studied for at least an hour, and still flunked the exam."
Strel, I think I might be the other a-hole mentioned. I seriously ticked off a couple of folks the other day while trying to answer a question. Whatevs.
ReplyDeleteNo, no, no. Clearly I am the asshole in question. And I am proud that my elevator does not stop on all floors...
ReplyDeleteI would also like to second iProf's suggested glossary entry "moby".
ReplyDeleteEffing brilliant.
*I* am the asshole in question.
ReplyDeleteOK, one of you guys can be the asshole, as long as I get to be the complete fucking asshole.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that interests me: unless Wilhelm (are we allowed to call him that, or is the "The" mandatory, sort of like the Doctor/Professor some of us strongly prefer?), deliberately changed some pronouns, all the posters/commenters being complained about are male (or at least perceived as such). Methinks that "dick" may, indeed, be an operative element here (I also note that our recent short-lived overlords, who may have been entirely unrelated, were quite insistent on their possession of pee-pees).
ReplyDeleteWhether or not that's significant, I, too, like "moby."
And many thanks to the moderators for putting up with all of this -- and more.
Ohhh, Cassandra, I posted above about this before drilling down -- sorry about that, but so glad to see it's not just me thinking it. There is more dick-swingery here than ever, and the one female moderator fled screaming into the night. I retired Marcia Brady because I was so sick of the misogyny, but the dick-swingery doesn't have to take the function of misogyny to annoy.
ReplyDelete@F&T: not a problem. I, too, am glad to see I'm not the only one thinking it (though I have to admit I first noticed the pattern while in engaging in what I suspect is the typical female activity of reading through the complaints wondering/worrying whether I was bothering anyone, which may be a bit narcissistic, but is definitely also being-a-good-girl-ish).
ReplyDelete@ Archie, Ovreductd, et al.
ReplyDeleteI'm Spartacus!
Re dick-swingery: A father-son bonding tradition in Russia is for Dad to teach Son how to write his name in the snow with pee. Some of the posts here are like that.
ReplyDeleteCassandra: ". . . the typical female activity of reading through the complaints wondering/worrying whether I was bothering anyone, which may be a bit narcissistic, but is definitely also being-a-good-girl-ish."
Thank you -- I was engaging in a bit of that myself this week, with all the attendant self-analysis of the self-analysis.
Which led to the bizarre experience of asking Gordo in my poll response if I could email him a question after the flurry of polling data was over. He said, "Always glad to hear from you," so I asked my question, and got a reply from Wilhelm saying he was too new to know the answer.
Now that it's clear how much real moby email fills the moderator's box every day, asking permission to send email sure seems being-a-good-girl-ish.