But I’ve waited and waited for the nasty emails from the students after I sent their grades. Given all of the complaining they did this semester, I thought it was a sure thing. Perhaps they don’t care, or are waiting to attack me at the start of next semester. Or maybe they figured out how to make a formal complaint. Or maybe they haven’t figured out how to find their grade online.
I did get the snowflakiest email I’d yet to receive. Full of, “I feel you don’t like me,” “I tried really hard,” “I feel I should get a better grade.” I feel, I feel, I feel – blech. I don’t feel anything anymore because you’ve deadened my heart and soul, you twat! Of course it was full of grammatical and spelling errors and he began by telling me that he was upset when he “seen” his grade. Yeah, well, I’m upset that you’re in college and you can’t write a sentence. Another good part was how upset he was over a paper I’d helped him with; I’d looked at it multiple times and suggested changes each time. Few to none were implemented, however he still got a B. Because he can’t do math, he thought he got an F, and this is what the email was about. How could he still get a bad grade after I looked over it? Why doesn't he understand that he should be embarrassed that I looked at this three or four times and they still messed it up? Ridiculous.
I responded that perhaps if he thought he was treated unfairly he should seek out the department head and make a formal complaint. He responded with, “obviously you just don’t care.” I wanted to go to the students house and punch them in the face, but instead I just sent the email to a friend who wrote his own version of the email which made me laugh a lot: “I do not want to be discrimited because I'm not as smart as others. I would like to get an A for effort, I know that may seem bad to you but I tried harder than my friends in your class who just post their smart phone pics of you on facebook when your back is turned, instead of writing down science stuff. I am concerned because unless I get inflated grades no one will overpay me to do a nothing job in a few years, and I have two ugly kids to support. It's not my fault my high school teachers were scared of my girlfriends and passed me to get rid of me. It must be because you don't like me, there is no other reason not to inflate my grades. When I ask you to repeat things you just lectured on, or that are in my textbook assigned reading I get dissapointed that you are not happy to do it all over for me. I think you are a racist slag.”
Other highlights from the semester come from the final: One question has three choices, A, B, C and the student makes up another answer. I can’t begin to explain that one.
They can’t use logic, even after going over the exact problem in class. If the Earth wasn’t around a million years ago, then obviously there wouldn’t be hamsters that were a billion years old...unless, of course...no, you don’t think that, HAMSTERS ARE FROM SPACE?! Could it be?
Two sentences from written answers I particularly enjoyed:
- Evolution evolves...
- It’s importance is that it’s important.