Sunday, January 15, 2012

Yo, Eat It.

I do not understand them.

Two weeks before the term,
one dude writes me
an email that goes like this:

"yo, i need an earlyer class
coz i need to get back.
you got a 3 oclcok class
but i need a noon. u know
someone with a noon or can
u take my earlyer?"

I don't know this person.
I've not been yo'd before
by a stranger.

I let it roll off my back.
I sent this:

"My 3 pm class is the only one
of its level that I teach this term.
Should you need something earlier,
the registrar will certainly help you
locate something. Best wishes."

A week passed and I got this:

"nobody help me. i just soldier on and
take yor 3 occlock class insted.
u got some readings i can do
b4 class. i figure what else i gotta do."

I looked up the syllabus, sent him
the first three readings, a total
of 25 pages.

"yo," he wrote back within minutes,
"i don't need three chapters man.
and how come they arent called chapters
1, 2, 3! i don't even want this class.
i haveta take it or i can't get my degree.
who do i talk to about gettin ga different class
can u send me the name sof people i can write too."

This one I did not reply to.

Yo, I'm not stupid.


  1. If it's any consolation, this idiot probably grew up in front of a television. I'd tell him that if he ever wants to get a job after he graduates, he needs to work on his literacy, and his manners. He'll probably write on your end-of-term student evaluation that you're "rude" and "won't answer my questions."

    I'd also send him the following:

    How to write a business letter, or e-mail

    Too many people think that e-mail allows them to be sloppy. It does no such thing.

    Sloppy e-mail makes you look like a fool. Your bosses will hate it, if you use it on the job.

    All college students should look at being a college student as a job.
    Therefore, never send sloppy e-mail to a professor.

    It helps to write e-mail to any professor in a way similar to a business letter.
    Here is an example of how to write a business letter.

    (Your address here)

    (Date here)
    (Recipient’s address here)

    Dear (use the student’s name, not a generic avoidance such as “Student”),

    I'm sorry, but I don't understand your e-mail message, because it contains at least five typos. This is far more than any university student should allow, if he or she wants to be taken seriously as a student.

    Serious e-mail needs to be formal, like a business letter. Doing otherwise is bad for clear communication, which is the whole point of e-mail, isn't it? This includes e-mail to any boss, customer, client, consultant, or professor.

    This message is an example of how to write literate e-mail. If you aren't sure how to use standard grammar, punctuation, and usage, see "Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace" by Joseph M. Williams. Always check your spelling with your computer's spelling checker, or a dictionary. If you need more help, I'd be glad to help you during my office hours.

    I know that it's common for students to send sloppy e-mail. Make no mistake: sloppy e-mail makes you look bad. It can also be bad for your grade. Please rewrite your message correctly, and send me the new, corrected version. If I understand it, I will do my best to answer any questions you might have.


    Dr. Frankenstien

    Office: (My office)
    Office hours: (My current office hours)

    P. S. Please do not ever address anyone as “Yo” or “Hey,” it's very bad manners.

    P. P. S. I'm sorry, but your name doesn't appear anywhere in your e-mail message. I never answer questions from anonymous e-mail, because of security concerns. Please identify yourself, if you want me to answer questions.

  2. Will you LISTEN to the state of this fool's BRAIN? I could write better than this when I was in second grade.

    If it's any consolation, this idiot no doubt grew up in front of a television set.

    I'd point out to this student that he needs to work on his literacy and manners, if he wants to get a job after he graduates. No doubt he'd write (as best he can) in his student evaluations that I am "rude" and that I "won't answer" his stupid questions.

  3. I usually just lurk around the blog, but now I need to say the obvious: most of the antics the flakes pull off are akin to internet trolling. It's like a bored kid trying to piss off chomskybot.

    1. Then I hope the kid will get the joke when I award him his well-earned F.

  4. We must work at the same place. I kind of liked his initiative in the second email, you have colleagues that might play a joke on you? Sadly, this probably isn't a joke, and I'm waiting for my flood of txt spk emlzzz to begin. Yo.

  5. Too bad he's not staying in your course so you can give him the grade he deserves... but what a headache that would cause . I can't imagine 16 weeks with a punk like this.

  6. My guess (and hope) is that this fellow is, in fact, capable of communicating in other idioms, but thinks this one makes him sound cool (or whatever the current word for cool is). Still, I'd guess that you're well rid of him, since the entitled attitude, however expressed, is a red flag (and the constant posing would get pretty tiring too).


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