I am so pleased with the concept of an open CM thread, the topic of the thread and the poorly rendered graphic used for the thread. RGM is a class act.
Here's my Superbowl prediction: Whenever I wake up, I'll fly the flag for this most American of holidays. (Lots of countries have their independence day. There's only one country that celebrates the Superbowl.) By 4 pm, I think I get everything ready for my department party. Grill fired up at 4:30. At 4:45, I remember that I need chips. I call a colleague who says he's on the way over and he'll pick up a bag. At 4:46, I pour 5 gallons of salsa into a bowl. Between 4:46 and 4:55, I'm cleaning up salsa that spilled over the 4.5 gallon bowl. Wait, I forgot to mention that I will have been drinking since 2 pm. Ok, so now people start showing up at five o'clock. Football fans get first dibs on the couch. Everybody else, ... Let me move the truck out of the garage for you. Seriously, why are you here? I get another beer. Not tomorrow, I mean right now. 5:00 - 5:30 Blah blah shop talk blah blah. All my colleagues bring their own beer. Everybody drinks the best beer that one guy brought. Sucker. My Budweiser is safe. 5:30, Food served. I, Grill Man, am awesome. My trusty assistant, Spatula Girl (AKA Ms. Beaker), is pretty hot too. Note that for the 14th straight year, Spatula Girl refuses to wear the superhero costume that I had make especially for her. This make me, wearing my matching costume, stand out a little too much. At 6:02, I check email because I'm addicted. The dean shows up at 6:10. We all stop talking about him. With not a second to spare, all interested peoples are hunkered down at 6:30 for kickoff. By 6:32, we realize that they still have to announce the players, flip the coin and show the first round of commercials. At 6:32:05, there is a line of all interested peoples at the bathroom. Around 6:35, some of us find convenient excuses to stop talking, stand up, take our hats off and listen to the Star Spangled Banner. That's how we roll. The game is pretty good. The Giants are able to get to Brady until he starts throwing some screens runs a few draws against their NASCAR rush. Gronkowski's ankle starts to limit him in the second quarter, causing the Patriots' offense to sputter. Eli's performance is not as good as he was during the playoffs - 1 interception and some missed throws. Midway through the second quarter, I realize that I forgot to record the game in my DVR. Mother puss buckets. Throughout the game, everybody is talking about Peyton. For halftime, there's a collective, "Madonna? That would have been great when I was 12. Who cares?" We lament that Indiana's own John Cougar Mellencamp was not asked to play. Everybody takes a leak. Within the first 10 minutes of the second half, everybody leaves who has to teach at 8 am or those who live in the ritzy part of town that's 45 minutes away. The guy who said he could pick up some chips arrives. After that, it's all a blur. WTF? I've been drinking since two o'clock. I don't give a fuck about either of these teams. If I didn't have a party, I'd watch the DVD of the Cowboys beating the crap out of the Bills. I just invite people over with the expectation that they leave a few beers behind and I have something to get me through the next week.
Son of a bitch. That's how every God damn email from my students ends. My emails should end with, "Sent from my computer that your tuition money paid for."
As I am married to a fan of a team that has never won the Super Bowl and blows it every time they even get close, the only enjoyment from the game comes from the food and the commercials. I'm entering my first-ever cooking contest next month, so Football Futility Fan will be a guinea pig for a couple of recipes I'm experimenting with for the big event. There will also be some muttering about how one of the teams used X play against his team or how Y call was made for one of the teams but wasn't during the regular season for his team.
I thus predict that despite the fact neither of us cares who wins, there will still be yelling at the refs, cursing from the kitchen, and the eventual settling down to grade papers as part of the festivities. Should his beloved team ever make it to the Super Bowl, I will do whatever I have to do be sure my husband gets to go as I'm reasonably certain it would be a once-in-lifetime event given their track record. I also predict they will lose and he will blame, in order, the refs, the coaching staff, and God.
I'm a long-suffering Cleveland Browns fan (I was born there...but this affliction is apparently hereditary, as my kid --who was born elsehwere-- suffers from the same syndrome).
When we moved to NYC metro area when I was in 2nd grade...long before the Interwebs...my sports fandom became a special circle of hell dominated by NY sports teams and their fans.
New England sports fans used to be loveable and humble...until the Red Sox broke the curse and they acquired a sense of entitlement to championships in all sports.
This has all the interest to me of ANOTHER Boston-New York baseball matchup that the networks fawn over.
Since both teams can't lose, I'm backing the one with the more likeable head coach. I've worked for and with too many Belechik's in my life. Giants win 23-19.
I was born and raised about an hour northwest of Boston, and I now live about 45 minutes south of NYC. I don't care who wins - I just want it to be over. (Go Patriots!)
I was born in Boston and raised about 45 minutes due north and was teaching in NYC when the Red Sox broke the curse. During my youth I was a marginally interested regional fan. But on that day ...
Believe me, miserable, there are no one more insufferable than NYC fans.
Despite years of the Yankees winning the World Series, there was the annual "debate" about whether students should be excused from school to attend the "historic" celebratory parade.
Does Vegas ever lose? I've been hearing that most of the wagers have been placed on the Giants. I'm really hoping for a Giants upset win as well, but am fairly certain that the Pats will cover!
...And just when the Giants seem near victory, NORTH KOREA INVADES SOUTH KOREA in a devastating blow that sees Seoul shot to pieces by DPRK border artillery. Superbowl fans riot on hearing the news. The North Koreans are not able to hold the line, however, and are driven back by US-South Korean forces whereupon China gets involved for the pure Hell of it. Three years later the war ends like the first one, nobody loves China, Kim Jong-Un still is able to point at everything, and a second "MASH" series in launched with the cast of "Scrubs."
And Vladimir Putin laughs his Stalin laugh deep within the Kremlin....
Even though I didn't have a horse in this race, it still ate me alive to watch the Giants win. During the first half I worked up a hatred for them. And during the second half, my entire being was in spasms. I convinced myself that if New York won this particular game that it meant everything that is wrong in the world is unfixable.
It would prove that God was dismissive and punitive, and I just held my head in my hands for the last few minutes with the very large TV (because you cannot believe the size of it) was on mute. My dog and wife moved about quietly. When the Hail Mary pass fell harmlessly, my wife brought me a DQ Dilly Bar, because she knew I was not likely to kill myself if there was ice cream in my immediate future.
Why do I watch sports when they make me this crazy?
And it's not as if I think the Pats are any great force of good, but tonight I thought that if just maybe, if just maybe Brady and the rest (God, please throw one at Ochocinco), if just maybe the Giants could be vanquished, it would prove that there was a universal force of goodness in the world, maybe, just a little goodness, something that would blot out the fucking grading I have to do and the fucking committee meeting I have to chair, and I could go to school happily tomorrow because good had one and evil had been thwarted, not here Evil, not here, not today.
Yeah, I know it's just a fucking football game, but don't we put our faith in small things sometimes, inconsequential things?
I am unclear as to why people watch football games that do not involve the New Orleans Saints.
ReplyDeleteThat's the nuttiest thing I ever heard.
DeleteEveryone knows that once the Packers stop playing that the NFL season is over.
Lol! Will, I was really hoping for a Saints-Packers super bowl.
DeleteI had Wes Welker in class at Texas Tech. I'm going with the Patriots.
ReplyDeleteI predict this thread will be overrun by the non-sports snobs. Nothing bores me more than those people.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a huge football fan, but I watch games with friends at parties, and will be doing a BBQ tomorrow with some colleagues and real world friends.
I'm happy to play: Patriots 31 - Giants 24.
I'm such a terrible girl about this! I asked my dear hubby, who tells me - and I remembered - that he's a huge Patriots fan.
ReplyDeleteSo I'll give the score he's suggested to me to use: Patriots 21, Giants 10.
I said, why not 21-12, then the numbers are mirrors. He just shook his head.
Patriots win. Giants lose. I know, I know, you wanted more specifics. Sorry Profs, I am just aiming for the "D" grade in this Gen Ed course.
ReplyDeleteI am so pleased with the concept of an open CM thread, the topic of the thread and the poorly rendered graphic used for the thread. RGM is a class act.
ReplyDeleteHere's my Superbowl prediction:
Whenever I wake up, I'll fly the flag for this most American of holidays. (Lots of countries have their independence day. There's only one country that celebrates the Superbowl.)
By 4 pm, I think I get everything ready for my department party.
Grill fired up at 4:30.
At 4:45, I remember that I need chips. I call a colleague who says he's on the way over and he'll pick up a bag.
At 4:46, I pour 5 gallons of salsa into a bowl.
Between 4:46 and 4:55, I'm cleaning up salsa that spilled over the 4.5 gallon bowl.
Wait, I forgot to mention that I will have been drinking since 2 pm.
Ok, so now people start showing up at five o'clock. Football fans get first dibs on the couch. Everybody else, ... Let me move the truck out of the garage for you. Seriously, why are you here?
I get another beer. Not tomorrow, I mean right now.
5:00 - 5:30 Blah blah shop talk blah blah.
All my colleagues bring their own beer. Everybody drinks the best beer that one guy brought. Sucker. My Budweiser is safe.
5:30, Food served. I, Grill Man, am awesome. My trusty assistant, Spatula Girl (AKA Ms. Beaker), is pretty hot too. Note that for the 14th straight year, Spatula Girl refuses to wear the superhero costume that I had make especially for her. This make me, wearing my matching costume, stand out a little too much.
At 6:02, I check email because I'm addicted.
The dean shows up at 6:10. We all stop talking about him.
With not a second to spare, all interested peoples are hunkered down at 6:30 for kickoff.
By 6:32, we realize that they still have to announce the players, flip the coin and show the first round of commercials.
At 6:32:05, there is a line of all interested peoples at the bathroom.
Around 6:35, some of us find convenient excuses to stop talking, stand up, take our hats off and listen to the Star Spangled Banner. That's how we roll.
The game is pretty good. The Giants are able to get to Brady until he starts throwing some screens runs a few draws against their NASCAR rush. Gronkowski's ankle starts to limit him in the second quarter, causing the Patriots' offense to sputter. Eli's performance is not as good as he was during the playoffs - 1 interception and some missed throws.
Midway through the second quarter, I realize that I forgot to record the game in my DVR. Mother puss buckets.
Throughout the game, everybody is talking about Peyton.
For halftime, there's a collective, "Madonna? That would have been great when I was 12. Who cares?" We lament that Indiana's own John Cougar Mellencamp was not asked to play. Everybody takes a leak.
Within the first 10 minutes of the second half, everybody leaves who has to teach at 8 am or those who live in the ritzy part of town that's 45 minutes away.
The guy who said he could pick up some chips arrives.
After that, it's all a blur. WTF? I've been drinking since two o'clock. I don't give a fuck about either of these teams. If I didn't have a party, I'd watch the DVD of the Cowboys beating the crap out of the Bills. I just invite people over with the expectation that they leave a few beers behind and I have something to get me through the next week.
Frigging overarchiver. now I'll get a worse grade cuz ur prediction was 2 good.
DeleteSent from my Blackberry.
Son of a bitch. That's how every God damn email from my students ends. My emails should end with, "Sent from my computer that your tuition money paid for."
DeleteI would so be there if I could...have a great day, Ben.
DeleteOh, and my head says Giants 27-17.
DeleteAs I am married to a fan of a team that has never won the Super Bowl and blows it every time they even get close, the only enjoyment from the game comes from the food and the commercials. I'm entering my first-ever cooking contest next month, so Football Futility Fan will be a guinea pig for a couple of recipes I'm experimenting with for the big event. There will also be some muttering about how one of the teams used X play against his team or how Y call was made for one of the teams but wasn't during the regular season for his team.
ReplyDeleteI thus predict that despite the fact neither of us cares who wins, there will still be yelling at the refs, cursing from the kitchen, and the eventual settling down to grade papers as part of the festivities. Should his beloved team ever make it to the Super Bowl, I will do whatever I have to do be sure my husband gets to go as I'm reasonably certain it would be a once-in-lifetime event given their track record. I also predict they will lose and he will blame, in order, the refs, the coaching staff, and God.
@ EnglishDoc:
DeleteThis is just like the Pina Colada song! I had not IDEA my own wife was a CM correspondent!
Hope the Pats win just because it'll make my nieces happy and I don't know any Giants fans
ReplyDeleteI'm a long-suffering Cleveland Browns fan (I was born there...but this affliction is apparently hereditary, as my kid --who was born elsehwere-- suffers from the same syndrome).
ReplyDeleteWhen we moved to NYC metro area when I was in 2nd grade...long before the Interwebs...my sports fandom became a special circle of hell dominated by NY sports teams and their fans.
New England sports fans used to be loveable and humble...until the Red Sox broke the curse and they acquired a sense of entitlement to championships in all sports.
This has all the interest to me of ANOTHER Boston-New York baseball matchup that the networks fawn over.
Since both teams can't lose, I'm backing the one with the more likeable head coach. I've worked for and with too many Belechik's in my life. Giants win 23-19.
I was born and raised about an hour northwest of Boston, and I now live about 45 minutes south of NYC. I don't care who wins - I just want it to be over. (Go Patriots!)
ReplyDeleteI was born in Boston and raised about 45 minutes due north and was teaching in NYC when the Red Sox broke the curse. During my youth I was a marginally interested regional fan. But on that day ...
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, miserable, there are no one more insufferable than NYC fans.
Despite years of the Yankees winning the World Series, there was the annual "debate" about whether students should be excused from school to attend the "historic" celebratory parade.
Patriots by 10.
Does Vegas ever lose? I've been hearing that most of the wagers have been placed on the Giants. I'm really hoping for a Giants upset win as well, but am fairly certain that the Pats will cover!
ReplyDelete23-17 Giants.
ReplyDeleteGood call. You were a 2 failed 2 point conversion away from winning the big prize.
DeleteI know. I am not even a good predictor of those things. My thinking was that the the game would be close and in the midrange, with the Giants winning.
Delete0-0 at halftime with lots of injuries on both teams.
ReplyDeleteThen, after the Patriots drag Jim Marshall out of the stands to suit up and play, he will run the ball into his own end zone.
The Giants will win 2-0.
...And just when the Giants seem near victory, NORTH KOREA INVADES SOUTH KOREA in a devastating blow that sees Seoul shot to pieces by DPRK border artillery. Superbowl fans riot on hearing the news. The North Koreans are not able to hold the line, however, and are driven back by US-South Korean forces whereupon China gets involved for the pure Hell of it. Three years later the war ends like the first one, nobody loves China, Kim Jong-Un still is able to point at everything, and a second "MASH" series in launched with the cast of "Scrubs."
ReplyDeleteAnd Vladimir Putin laughs his Stalin laugh deep within the Kremlin....
Post-SB:
ReplyDeleteEven though I didn't have a horse in this race, it still ate me alive to watch the Giants win. During the first half I worked up a hatred for them. And during the second half, my entire being was in spasms. I convinced myself that if New York won this particular game that it meant everything that is wrong in the world is unfixable.
It would prove that God was dismissive and punitive, and I just held my head in my hands for the last few minutes with the very large TV (because you cannot believe the size of it) was on mute. My dog and wife moved about quietly. When the Hail Mary pass fell harmlessly, my wife brought me a DQ Dilly Bar, because she knew I was not likely to kill myself if there was ice cream in my immediate future.
Why do I watch sports when they make me this crazy?
And it's not as if I think the Pats are any great force of good, but tonight I thought that if just maybe, if just maybe Brady and the rest (God, please throw one at Ochocinco), if just maybe the Giants could be vanquished, it would prove that there was a universal force of goodness in the world, maybe, just a little goodness, something that would blot out the fucking grading I have to do and the fucking committee meeting I have to chair, and I could go to school happily tomorrow because good had one and evil had been thwarted, not here Evil, not here, not today.
Yeah, I know it's just a fucking football game, but don't we put our faith in small things sometimes, inconsequential things?
I don't have an exit line. The TV is off.