Monday, April 2, 2012

The Defunct Adjunct Shares Some Snowflake Email.

Dear Professor Defunct,

I took your class last year in Fall [actually, it was Fall, 2010, well over a year ago - DA] and I got a C- in the class. I am now about to graduate and I just found out that a C- will not fulfill the requirements of my major. A grade of C would allow me to graduate. Now I will have to retake this class, unless there is some other option? I really need this to graduate and I would appreciate it if you would let me do something extra. I'm not sure how close I was to a C, but if possible I would like to find some way to change my grade.

Thankyou,
Better Flake Than Never.

[+]

Dear Flake,

You were nowhere near a C. You weren't even in the same metropolitan area as a C. If I were honest with myself, and with you, your grade would have been in the D range, but I was two-thirds of the way through a nice bottle of cabernet when I logged on to the university system to enter final grades, and if I squinted for long enough through the rosy bottom of my wine glass, I could just about squeeze a C- out of your pathetic efforts in my class.

Also, despite my alcohol-induced haze, I was well aware (unlike you, apparently) that a C is the absolute minimum that someone in your major requires from my class in order to graduate. No amount of Napa's finest would have induced me to give you a passing grade in that class, and I knew that a C- would be effectively the same as a D or F, so I thought, "What the hell? Happy Hanukkah! Have a C- as a sign of my holiday cheer!"

It seems that my generosity at least helped you pass the following 15 months in oblivious satisfaction with your own performance. Best of luck in summer school.

Defunct Adjunct

14 comments:

  1. About to graduate and so fucking clueless that he didn't even know he didn't meet the requirements? God let's hope his major is something that involves 0 responsibility in the real world.

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    1. You would be surprised how common this is. I remember when I was in grad school, that undergrads would tell me that their advisor misled them about some requirement or other. All I could think was "why wouldn't you just read the requirements for yourself? Aren't they in the course catalog?"

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    2. I know there are some things that aren't covered by the degree requirements. I had to take someone in the math dept. at their word that I could double dip math classes to apply them towards both my math minor and my EE major. But this is something as basic as "C or higher = passing grade". My degree requirements say that for sure.

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  2. Yet another reason that it doesn't pay to be generous to students rather than simply honest. It seems to constantly bite people in the ass. Just give the grade they deserve!

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    1. Exactly. And if you inflate student assignment grades by just a bit--and just enough times--you'll get a student PASSING whom you intended to FAIL! Talk about annoying. This does a disservice to everyone.

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  3. Figuring out the graduation requirements is a requirement for graduation. This student demonstrated that he is not ready.

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    1. This is some choice wisdom, dawg.

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    2. Agreed. It's a damn litmus test. If you're not smart enough to figure out basic bureaucratic crap in academia, you're not smart enough to deserve a degree.

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    3. Oh no, it's the faculty's responsibility to be sure they know the requirements, just as it's our responsibility now to be sure they pay their bills and show up the first week of class. People say teachers at K-12 are highly educated babysitters. We're rapidly headed that way ourselves.

      Sadly, this snowflake routine has been out there for quite some time. When I was an undergrad myself, one of my classmates actually sued the college because he said his advising had been so poor that it took him 4 1/2 years to graduate instead of 4. He got laughed out of court, but the state's tax dollars paid for someone to have to take the time to read this case and dismiss it.

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  5. Check your university's catalog, under "Grade appeals." Might there be a statute of limitations on grade appeals? At my university, there is a specific procedure for this, and the latest a student may initiate a grade appeal is at the end of the 4th week of classes, in the semester immediately after the semester in which the grade was awarded. So, my colleagues and I go out for drinks, at 5 p.m. on Friday on the 4th week of classes: it's a joyous celebration, "Statute of Limitations Day." If your university doesn't have a deadline date for grade appeals, you should get one: in the years it will take for the paperwork to go through, it would be a good idea to put one in your syllabus.

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  6. Froderick, the university does have a statute of limitations on grade appeals, and this student missed it by almost a year.

    In my actual reply to the student (as opposed to the reply I would like to have made, posted above), I did point out that the student had missed the deadline, but I also made clear that, even if the deadline had not been missed, there's no way that the student's work merited a reconsideration of the grade. I think it's necessary, in cases like this, to make sure that the student understands that it is me, and not just a missed deadline or bureaucratic hurdle, that is denying the request for a grade change. That way, it's clear to the student that the quality of work was simply not up to the required standard.

    The student did, I must admit, take the news pretty well, and seemed resigned to taking the class again over the summer.

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  7. One more thing:

    The university's course catalog, in the section for this student's major, clearly says, in a separate paragraph with its own special heading, that all courses used for the Major (which includes the course I teach) have to be passed at a level of C or above.

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  8. Again, it's a case of students wanting to place the their burden on the teacher instead of themselves. I basically categorize all responsibilities in academia into either MY responsibilites or THEIR responsibilities. Clearly, figuring out what a student needs to do in order to graduate is NOT MY PROBLEM.

    Would you go on a backpacking trip and expect your companions to carry your pack for you? I hope not. Personal responsibility is a HUGE component of training these idiot students to act like adults instead of children, which of course is what they are (children), since they're Americans under the age of 30 (i.e., CHILDREN).

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