Monday, April 30, 2012

Yeah, Just Try and Make me Shut my Laptop! I'll Just Tell the Dean that You Come to Class Drunk

BURP!
It's happy hour here at WOLF359!

A student made a VERY serious allegation about me today.  It didn't fly, but I'm still very upset.

You know how if you send a student to the Dean for discipline, the student likes to invent dirt on you?  This particular student tried to say that I came to class two weeks ago, drunk and puking all over the room.

Dear Lying Bitch of a Student:

Oh, that was clever wasn't it?  I'll bet you learned that one in high-school.   But, because you have no critical thinking skills whatsoever, you didn't take the time to think about how you could get caught in this lie!

For starters, don't you think somebody would have told maintenance about vomit all over the classroom?  And I have the same question for you as the Dean of Students had:  Why didn't you report this 2 weeks ago when this supposedly happened?  I know why and the Dean does too.  You are a lying sac of shit, that's what you are.  You've forgotten that this is a really small campus and our administration knows the students on a first name basis.  Good luck with any future complaints, as no one in the admin building is going to believe you now.

I treasure the fact that our Dean of Students actually supports the faculty.  Oh, what's that?  The lady next to you is going to write another letter to the President?  Bring it on!  I can use the money!  So, be ready to pay up!

You are here to learn mathematics.  Shut your laptop and pay attention means exactly that.  If your rich spoiled ass can't handle that, then go back to the gated community you came from.  You are a minority here and are cramping our style.   

Sincerely,

Your very sober, abused, and overworked EMH.

20 comments:

  1. That sucks. Get her to submit it in writing, prove her wrong and then get her dismissed.

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    Replies
    1. I am entirely serious. Force this student out. She can be some other school's pain in the ass. The benefits are:

      1. You show her that her actions have consequences.
      2. You show your administration that there is actually a limit to what faculty will suffer in silence.
      3. You raise morale of other faculty who learn that there are ways to fight back against this bullshit.
      4. Everybody learns that EMH is a bad mofo. (So bad, in fact, that you don't need to use the apostrophes which are really appropriate after each o in the word.)

      All of these benefits are yours and your colleagues, regardless of whether you actually prevail in getting her thrown out of school.

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  2. Agree with Ben. That's slander, and there should be consequences for it.

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  3. He doesn't need to get it in writing. The Dean is a first-hand witness to the slander, and if EMH's school is anything like mine, there is probably also now a paper trail that would provide evidentiary support.

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  4. Send an e-mail to your chair and dean setting out the details of the exchange (and if the exchange was in front of the whole class, make that clear as well).

    Something sort of like this happened to me once, and I sent the details off to the dean immediately. The student ended up dropping the class because he was failing, but the dean STILL had the student come to his office for a lecture on false allegations. He also made the student send me a letter of apology.

    He was a very good dean.

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  5. Oh for the love of God I've just received the most annoying e-mail ever from a student asking if she might discuss the "ordeal" of being graded down for lateness as per the syllabus, in my office hours.

    No, and no, and no, and no.

    Meanwhile, go get 'em, EMH. Apparently there just isn't a moral compass anymore, with some of them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A student e-mailed me that her attendance grade of 0 "made her sad."

      Delete
    2. There you go again, ruining her self of steam with your stupid requirements.

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    3. I make students turn in homework. That alone puts me on the shit-list.

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    4. Moral compass? A compass isn't enough for this lot. They need a GPS, a bloodhound, and a Superhero to find some morals.

      Delete
    5. Lucy - I hope you replied that it made you sad too?

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  6. And, might I add, the obvious sources for disproving her lies are the other students in class, who witnessed the lack of barf? A little dicey to broach the subject, and that whole thing can change the class dynamic, but, hey, it's the end of semester, so much easier to handle.

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  7. And, might I add, the obvious sources for disproving her lies are the other students in class, who witnessed the lack of barf? A little dicey to broach the subject, and that whole thing can change the class dynamic, but, hey, it's the end of semester, so much easier to handle.

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  8. I have had an unfounded allegation made against me, and it was still giving me headaches three years later. This was a malicious and provably false allegation - I agree with those who say take it as far as you can. At least it should go on the student's record. May save some other poor sod from hassle.

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  9. Amazing. I'm gobsmacked. Not just because it's a horrible thing to do, but so incredibly stupid. How could anyone think something that could be disproved so easily would fly? It's like a tantrum.

    I'd be inclined to go ahead and push it. It's time for this student to get a whack in the head from the adult world.

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  10. Wow. This is...WOW.

    I'm with everyone else who suggested that you go for sanctions. This kind of shit must be stopped, forthwith.

    I was accused of racism by a student about 14 years ago. Obviously unfounded, and I had evidence that the reason she was failing (and her peers weren't) was because of all the holes in my gradebook because she didn't follow directions--repeatedly. I still had to meet with the chair to explain myself. Still makes me mad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is there a general procedure for this? Do I file a grievance with HR? I feel like I need to be one step of admin on this one. I've been told in the past by adminflakes: "Relax, EMH. We got this covered." Only to find out that it was covered up.

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  11. Having had several students try this shit in the past, I say document the hell out of everything and get the dean to bring some action against the student that makes it clear that slander is not acceptable. In this case, you "lucked out" in that the lie was so blatantly obvious, but I've had students who were a little craftier than this.

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    Replies
    1. Perhaps I should consider videotaping my classes.

      Delete

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