You know, one of those it's-raining-spilled-my-coffee-missed-my-bus-left-the-graded-papers-at-home-arrived-late-for-school-got-an-emergency-call-from-family-meeting-with-Dean-and-had-to-promise-to-be-nicer-to-plagiarists DAY.
These things happen. I'm not going to post about today's misery (although geez, Dean, I'm not going to start avoiding plagiarists. I'm going to bust them. It's part of my job). It's crappy when a day like this comes around, but it's also a little unavoidable. And when you have A Day, it's nice to vent about it. So on my very secure facebook page, I posted a generalized Fuck You status to the world.
It was full of bad words, as a Fuck You post should be. There was a general hint about students but mostly complaints about bad karma and insecure authority figures. Many of my academic (but not professional) friends liked the status and sympathized. But one person replied about how impolite it is to use cuss words in a public setting.
This really got to me. I don't know why, exactly. Maybe it's the whole air of giving advice where advice isn't needed, or the fact that this person is religious and might be pulling a passive-aggressive "I'll pray for you and your sinful language" status jacking. But it's also the sense that I've clearly had a shitty, shitty day, and the appropriate reaction is to sympathize. The inappropriate reaction is to point out that I might be taken more seriously if I used PG language. That's like reading about someone's pet dying and correcting their grammar in the announcement.
If I had been talking in a group, I would not have used cuss words. But I also would not have spoken about such things. The fact is that I have 20 facebook friends, all very close, and very extreme privacy settings. No specifics were used, just a blast of Fuck You to the universe.
So, I'm interested to know. What do you think is the role of cussing today? In the age of the internet, and years after the 1950s, it feels like maybe people need to calm down. But maybe that's just me, because saying bad words and words that sound like bad words feels better after a day full of rain and spilled coffee and early bus routes and late arrivals and mean deans and crappy students and an administration that wants to shit on its faculty.
Cuss words: yay or nay?
This person is NOT your friend. Or, at least, a very bad one. Unfriend them immediately and let them wonder why.
ReplyDeleteSorry you had such a bad day. I too often wonder about authority figures who see no problem with plagiarism. Makes me wonder if they don't steal ideas for their job too. Makes me sweat too.
In grown-up, non-professional company, yes. Well-controlled facebook accounts qualify.
ReplyDeleteCorrecting someone's language on their own facebook page is a real shit move, by the way.
Cursing help alleviate pain http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=why-do-we-swear
ReplyDeleteKeep busting those cheaters, and fuck what the Dean says.
ReplyDeleteAlways keep this handy: If you get dismissed, you can always have the last laugh by reporting them to the Accreditation Board.
Curse words? Fuck yah! I am a firm believer in the power and joy of a few (or more) well-placed curse words. I try not to let them slip out in class or around higher-ups, but damn, it does just feel good to say "fuck that shit" every now and again. And if you can't do that on a private fb page, where can you?
ReplyDeleteOh yah, here. :)
But not on Facebook. It's too public, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteNot around students, and not around higher-ups. But when I'm blowing off steam, with friends? HELL YES.
ReplyDeleteI don't usually swear on FB, because I'm friends with a few too many people who might not like it (like my grandmother, sigh). But to each his or her own. I agree that you should de-friend that prick on FB, pronto.
Sorry you had a shitty day, AM. Hope it improves from here on in.
I try to avoid some of the most popular "curse words," because I care about language, and because their literal meanings denigrate people belonging to particular groups, endorse sexual violence, and/or take the Lord's name in vain (though I actually interpret that commandment more broadly to include using God's name to support one's own decidedly human -- or inhuman -- positions; Fred Phelps, Anita Bryant, et al, please take note). But I also slip pretty regularly (and mentally apologize to God each time, not because I think I'll be punished, but because I think it's worth acknowledging that God, not I, gets to decide who, if anybody, is damned. I don't know why, but it's still "damn" that slips out most often when I'm angry and/or frustrated; I don't remember precisely, but I suspect one of parents and/or grandparents must have used it in such situations). And I'm open to the argument that some ejaculations, e.g. fuck, which is often used here, have taken on meanings divorced from their original ones (and/or reflect a real if uncomfortable connection in many human minds, that we don't do ourselves any favors by trying to pretend doesn't exist; sexual acts and impulses are nothing if not complicated).
ReplyDeletePartly because of their origins, I see absolutely no harm in "shit," "crap," and similarly scatological ejaculations; the substances involved are pretty universally considered disgusting (except perhaps by a few fetishists, but I can live with that exception). To the extent that I can reprogram my knee-jerk responses, I try to use those out loud (when in company with which I am comfortable/where it's appropriate). And in writing, something along the lines of #$%! can be interpreted as the viewer pleases, while keeping the emotional content quite clear.
More generally, I believe in letting off steam in relatively harmless (or at least less-harmless) ways, which makes cursing of most sorts decidedly preferable to, say, hitting, physical destruction of property, or substance consumption or other activities that reach the point of self-endangerment, or a lot of other possible responses to anger and frustration. And I believe that true friends should be willing to listen to and sympathize with occasional expressions of frustration, including ones that one wouldn't broadcast to the general public (or the Dean).
So, yeah, defriend the "friend," and f*ck the Dean (but not literally, with or without violent intent, at least not unless the Dean is also your partner, in which case finding some way to calm down before you see each other again sounds like a good idea -- well, that, or dissolving the partnership because anyone who thinks you should be nicer to plagiarists, and/or can hope to avoid them, is morally bankrupt and stupid to boot).
Dear CC,
Deleteyour well-defined and well-argued rules about swearing felt, personally, much too constraining. I will swear for effect, in many situations, because swearing IS warranted. However, I really enjoyed reading your arguments and prose, and I wanted to thank you for taking the time and effort to post them here. Not looking to start an argument; I just wanted to give you proper praise.
I am pro-swear, as anyone who reads my blog or my comments here would know. I am also pro FUCK YEAH CAPSLOCK. The thing about transgressive language is that it is powerful. It's colourful and expressive. Sure I can be colourful and expressive without using swears, but if BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY is how I feel inside, then I think I ought to be able to say that.
ReplyDeleteI would also suggest you either unfriend that person or put them on your "no swears" list on Facebook.
I wouldn't say FB is private, no matter your settings.
ReplyDeleteWe just went through a giant "cyber-bullying" shit storm here at the high school where I work. Apparently students can say the most heinous things imaginable to each other (and jeebus fuck, teenage girls really go for the jugular) and it's all protected as "private" speech, about which we can do nothing (except, of course, watch the poor victims writhe in social and emotional agony).
Faculty, though? If we say peep about the school in general, students in general, or anything containing a whiff of criticism or complaint, we'd be fired immediately. And I know this because it happened a few years ago to a colleague.
Oh and hells yeah, I love to curse. Feels good.
I wonder which pre-enlightenment jurisdiction you live in... That kind of student cyber-bullying shit would at a minimum result in heavy administrative action here, and can lead to criminal charges against school administrators if they don't intervene. (Granted, sometimes it feels like Nanny-stan here, but in general they get this stuff right.)
DeleteYou know your FB friends best and if they could handle some salty language. I'm constantly cursing under my breath, at the bar, on College Misery, basically everywhere I don't need to have a professional presence. According to my book, fuck is a legitimate adjective.
ReplyDeleteI do try to keep my FB posts fairly innocuous. I don't have the time for FB drama regarding politics or religion or other stuff I see friends have FB fights about. I have some fundy acquaintances that would be uncomfortable seeing some of my darker thoughts writ out.
So I say screw FB, post it here instead!
That's a shitty move on the part of your "friend." I'm guessing it's not so much his or her disapproval of your swearing, but the fact that they didn't sympathize at all and added to your shitty day instead of helping to alleviate some of the stress. Fuck them, and their judgment!
ReplyDeleteThe value in cursing is that it is a language reserved for special occasions. I do not approve of cursing in public places, which includes FB and other online forums in which readers know your identity. It is not polite in professional company, in front of families or those who are not very close friends. In an anonymous forum like CM, you can take on a different persona but in real life, you should speak in a more courteous manner.
ReplyDeleteFuddy-duddy? Sure, that's how I roll.
So what was with the plagiarism thing?
ReplyDeleteOh, GAWD, that. I had a student submitting terrible work. So he moved on to a brilliant piece. A piece where the fonts changed and the voice was different from paragraph to paragraph. Totally plagiarized.
DeleteBut I contacted him about it and gave him a low grade. He refused to talk to me about it. He had his advisor, his wife, and a Dean contact me about it. He felt "persecuted." the Dean ask I be considerate, email the fucker, even call him at home. Student refuses to answer the phone or anything. So finally the Dean talks to the student, asks me to talk to her, and states that Student will NOT be contacting me but that I should keep grading his stuff anyway. Even though his subsequent submissions were also plagiarized and he wouldn't talk to me in class. HANDS TIED.
But today, he submitted another obviously plagiarized work. So I filed a report with my Provost (Dean's boss) about multiple plagiarism. Got the Student an auto F for the course.
Day is bouncing back.
That's ridiculous. Speechless, I am! Seriously? No wonder you were pissed about it.
DeleteHuh? "I'm not talking to the professor" is *not* an acceptable answer at my school, and certainly not one an administrator would encourage by taking on the role of a go-between (mouthpiece for the student)? In fact, pretty much the first thing my chair says to any student with a complaint is "have you talked to the professor?" It doesn't always make them do so, but it's still a basic expectation.
DeleteI'm glad you found a way to make an end-run around the idiot Dean.
I find it amusing to use expressions like "land's sake!" and "holy cow," myself.
ReplyDeleteZounds!
DeleteGadzooks!
DeleteLand o' Goshen!
DeleteI said "By the crock pot of Jupiter" the other day and the Little Anachronism pretty much had a milk geyser. Pagan stuff's pretty cool around here these days.
DeleteMost of the time, though, I like to say "Bleep" and "Censored" (cf Larry Niven).
I like all of the above, but "by the crock pot of Jupiter" is especially good. One could, I think, have some fun with a random oath generator that pairs pagan gods and modern appliances.
DeleteGood googly moogly!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI was particularly fond of "Holy Garbanzo Beans" for a while. Now, I use "< insert expletive here>" in type.
DeleteUff da!
ReplyDeleteYa ya.
Delete8 days from today, I will not only be done with end of the semester grading for the last time in the foreseeable future (new non-academic job), but I will be indulging in kjottkaker, tyttebaer, risengrodd, and lefse. Oh so much lefse.
Congrats, Wombat!!! Don't forget us here.
DeleteCongrats, Wombat! And I, too, want updates. After googling it, I also want some lefse, maybe with butter and jam?
DeleteCongrats, Wombat! ...and happy noshing.
Delete+1 both for your comment and for your cute wombat avatar.
ReplyDeleteWrite a long and Schwarzenegger-style transparently hypocritical apology to the complainer. Use hur name repeatedly. Post it as a response. Post it as a message in hur wall. Create a web page for it.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to the "eff word", I am a Brucian: UNfuck you, I say! Why wish the muthas a good time?!
ReplyDeleteI did something similar on Tuesday night, as returns were coming in for the rather important recall primary being held in my state. It was a hyperbolic "go fuck yourself rant" aimed at a political party whose ideology I find abhorrent, inhumane, and nihilistic. I told people who followed me, but followed that ideology to unfriend me, because I was sick of their shite coming up in my newsfeed.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know that my SIL (who never posts or comments on anything I've ever posted/passed along--much of it environmental or political in nature) is a participant in that particular ideology. She called my MIL, who is not on FB, and read the post to her. This in turn resulted in a 7:30am phone call wherein my MIL went off on me like a roman candle.
To make a long story short, I doubt I will be going on vacation with them this summer.
I now understand much better the rift between my stepdad and his family over Vietnam (he is a 2-tour vet, they are East-coast liberals). He now agrees with them (hindsight being what it is, and his plaque psoriasis caused by Agent Orange), but he still has no contact with them.
I have two kids with my SO; ergo, I have to try to fix this, and fix it without going insane trying to figure out how to talk to people in my own family who vote in a way that has tangible negative impacts on me and my SO and our kids.
So yeah. Having fun here.
Sorry to hear. I had a similar experience a few years ago. After that, I resolved to not post anything on FB regarding my views on political or religious matters. My relatives know I'm agnostic and liberal, and I know they aren't. I'm sure we'd both like to try and convince the other, but I don't think a FB "conversation" has ever changed anyone's mind in the history of the internet.
DeleteAnd, see, I think FB is THE place for telling our most powerful truths.
DeleteI sincerely commiserate with you Burnt; how CAN people who claim to love us and our offspring not GET how we are impacted?!
Oh, Chrome, and herein lies my problem. The "friend" in the post above was actually my sister, who happens to be pretty damn condescending at times. And now that she's married and looking to start a family, all of a sudden EVERYTHING is her business and family values and blah blah blah. She hasn't even conceived yet and already I have to censor myself? I won't, but she should feel free to ignore my posts.
DeleteFunny anecdote: a librarian at the Madison city library (and a former grad student of mine) had a child tell her last week that the Governor of Wisconsin was a man named Recall Walker.
Lol.
Thanks for that! I LOL'd, and now I want to go post it on the FB. ;-)
DeleteMaybe we (you, me, Bison, anyone else?) should go start our own blog, a support group for people whose families are fucked up (and aren't they all, in one way or another?) and where we can vent without fear of it getting back to them, thereby rendering us unable to go with our kids when Grandma wants to take the family to Disneyworld.
Spouse and I are ideologically compatible, and I'm pretty much politically median for my family, but In-Law side is crazy. Nice folks, just troglodyte views (mostly). I have no idea if they're on FB: I'm not asking, and they're not telling.
DeleteThe emerging sub-topic of politics and extended families is a great one. I'm on the left, near the middle. So is my father. My husband is on the right, near the middle; so are his sisters. The rest of his family is right wing nut jobs; mine are left wing nutters. I know a lot of "us" in academia don't believe that left wing nutters exist, but they do and I'm related to a boat load of them.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I get along fine and even have enjoyable debates. Our families are surprisingly nice to each other. But they're always seeing things that aren't there. My brothers-in-law think everyone of my friends and unmarried cousins are lesbians. They are always so proud of how polite they were and as soon as one leaves, they pull my aside to tell me "You're right. Lesbians really are just like us." I usually pat them on the head and say "She's not a lesbian, she's a college grad., but thanks for trying." My mother thinks all of my brother in laws friends are in the army. To her I say "Wannabe UFC fighters just keep their hair like that so there's less to pull. But thanks for trying."
Politics are usually not an issue because I'm the alpha-representative of my family, and my husband of his, so everyone else is afraid to piss us off so they leave the subjects alone.
It's hockey season that goes ugly.
Hell Fucking Yay.
ReplyDelete