A Simple Time Saver

Dear Slacking Snowflakes:

Unless your proffie is Nicey McDoormat, the graphic on your right will save you a great deal of time and effort you plan to spend on last-minute office visits, emails, class interruptions, and trips to the department chairperson, dean, or other administrator. It provides the answer to the following questions:

• Is there anything I can do to pass this class?
  
• Is there anything I can do to make an A in this class?
  
• Will you take my late papers?
  
• Can I do extra credit?
  
• Even though you said you wouldn't take my late papers, I've attached them to this email anyway. Is that OK?
  
• The final exam time is inconvenient for me because my family is vacationing in Tropical Exotic Destination You Can Never Afford to Visit. Would you make a time for me on the Saturday after finals week so I can take it?
  
• Can I have an Incomplete even though I haven't done half the course work?
  
• Can I turn in the final project after finals week?
  
• I know the research topic was due the fourth week of class, we've been doing drafts and workshops all term, and the final paper is due Friday, but I've decided to change my topic. Is that OK?

You have had all term to handle these matters. Your professors have sat in their offices during scheduled times, checked their email, stayed after class, offered you appointment times outside regular hours, referred you to tutoring, and done everything short of do the damn work for you to help you make it. If you didn't hold up your end of the deal to this point, you are SOL.  If you'd put as much time into doing what you were supposed to weeks ago as you are now putting into wheedling your way into cutting a deal, your grade would now be much more likely to reflect your desired outcome.

Next term, remember that learning isn't something that just happens because you're "smart" and grades don't change because you're "special."  Do what you're supposed to when you're supposed to do it, ask for help when you first start having problems, and have the good sense to drop the class if, after talking with your proffie, you determine your other life priorities are going to keep you from doing as well as you should.

You may hate us now. Your future proffies and employers (and maybe even you) will thank us later.

Very truly yours,

The Snowflake Melters