Then he sent me this email. This is all of it:
What is the percentage bracket of D?
Student X
Why didn't he write: Could I trouble you to tell me ... sorry for bothering you again .... Dr Horrid, thank you for your valuable time yesterday ...
[+]
Dear Student X,
You have less than 25% of the total possible marks for the course.
You have 1 out of double digits on an assignment that could be done just using what you learned in the previous semester.You have zeros on the easiest possible assignments. Those are only on the homework server so that no one can claim that I didn't mention these trivialities.
You do realize that the online homework system was set to allow unlimited attempts till deadline? TA help was available from 9am-7pm five days a week. The TAs were so lonely, they would have jumped for joy if someone actually showed up and asked a question and would probably have given you a back rub if you asked.
Of course, if you didn't like my lectures, and the course notes were above your reading level, and the help centre was too far away, and the TAs were all stupid-heads, you could have just watched the videos we linked for you.
Dude, Khan Academy could teach a cabbage quantum mechanics. I'm not even sure why I have a job at all.
And then you have perfect or close to perfect on other assignments. The exam questions were no different from the assignment questions. If you could do some assignments, you should have been able to do some exam questions.
Do you either not do assignments or cheat on them? Did you really think that you could get away with that?
Again, everything is in the course notes. There's a video for every concept. There are a kijillion examples on the net. Drop by the office sometime, I'll introduce to my friend Google.
You got less than 15% on both the final and the midterm.
And you are wondering how close you might be to a D? Go away, go far away. Leave the university. The life of the mind is not for you. I sure hope that we aren't wasting any financial aid on you.
Regards,
Horribly Horrible.
The graphic says it all.
ReplyDeleteIt's been said that getting through to the good students makes it all worthwhile. I'm afraid that at this rate even the satisfaction of having students that get it won't be able to counteract the coming manure blizzard.
I think the answer to that one is the classic "it's on the syllabus." Or, if you've been so smart (and so brave) as to add to your syllabus a note saying you don't respond to emails asking questions answered on the syllabus, crickets.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if it would help to warn them that inconsistent performance on homework and major assignments raises red flags signaling possible cheating? I started making an almost offhand remark about the connection between last-minute topic changes on major projects and plagiarism when introducing my major research-based assignment a few semesters ago, and it's amazing how the rate of last-minute topic changes (and plagiarism, though I worry that I might be missing something there) has dropped. Of course, more students are dropping or just dropping out of the class, but that actually beats their turning in plagiarized papers (well, unless retention-at-all-costs is the goal, which it isn't at our institution, at least not yet).
This is a tricky one, because if they "take it personal" when you warn, then they might complain to the Dean that you "disrespected" them.
DeleteWhy do you censor my posts?
ReplyDeleteWe remove comments that violate the rules of our blog.
DeleteDude, that is ON THE SYLLABUS.
DeleteIt's magical thinking--they become expert at it in HS, and it will continue until either (1) they run into proffies in college who have standards or (2) they're fired from a series of jobs for it.
ReplyDeleteTo the OP:
ReplyDeleteMail the sniveling cocksucker a nailbomb. Even if it only kills their girlfriend/boyfriend, or their parents, or their pets then you will make you live the suffering their stupidity caused.
THE STUDENT IS ALWAYS AT FAULT.
"you" should be "them".
DeleteGoddamnit.
Hey, now. Some of my best friends are cocksuckers.
ReplyDelete"Cocksucker" was my father's favorite curse, usually spat at machinery that didn't work.
DeleteOuch.
Deletecocksucking machinery that doesn't work sounds like it could be pretty darn painful...
ReplyDeleteOr cocksucking machinery that works too well: milking machines.
DeleteIf stating a clear fact ("You will not pass if you don't bring your grades up.") "disrespects" them, perhaps it's time to add another page to the syllabus. "How To Calculate Your Grade Average" will provide them with the formula.
ReplyDeleteThen they won't have to be warned. They'll have the data. They just have to apply the numbers to it to figure it. I know, it smacks of effort, but life's tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.