Relax, said I, I will take time after I'm finished my other final and help you sort through the material. We'll call it a special review session.
She looked like she might hug me, her beatific smile warmed me. I was getting through to them; I was helping. I was going the extra mile (like the Adminiflakes ask us).
Still feeling good about myself, an hour later, I overheard that student and another while they stood in line at the coffee shop on campus:
Other: Did you say you had a car wreck this week?
Student: Oh, I said that. But I didn't. I just skipped class. I told the teacher that because I found out I missed all the review.
Other: Funny.
Student: Yeah, but I did total my car once, so I knew what to say.
Guess who's not going to make that special review session?
Yeah. I've had experiences like these. And at "elite" institutions, too. You need to ask for documentation like a police report or something.
ReplyDeleteI admire your restraint. I'd have beaten her to death with a cinnamon roll.
ReplyDeleteI would tell Marco NOT to skip the review session. Meet the student, tell her what you overheard, and then cancel it. That is some kind of bullshit, and by skipping the session without explanation, you're not giving the student the real feedback needed.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Hiram. You need to show up and make very clear to the student why she is now on her own for the exam review. If I had been in your position, I might have walked up to her in the middle of the coffee line and done it right then and there.
ReplyDeleteI'll third the motion. Bust her chops in person, if you can. Then report back to us, please.
DeleteI busted a student in a HUGE lie like this one about a year ago. She lied about a family member's terrible accident to get an extension on a paper and a new date for the midterm. Like the soft-hearted schmuck I am, I agreed. Too bad for her, through an inadvertent remark by a colleague, we figured that the same student had told us slightly different versions of the same lie. On the day of my midterm exam, we tracked down another of the student's proffies (small campus has its advantages) and asked if she'd heard from the student about the terrible accident. The proffie looked at us, pointed back into the room where the class was watching a video, and said "No, she's right there." I stuck my head through the door, made sure she saw me, and shook my head. Then I went to my office and wrote her an email advising her to drop my course.
Now she's a cautionary tale to my classes about the dangers of lying to someone who's smarter than you are. She's also the reason that there's a statement in my syllabus that says for absences that will require some kind of make-up or late paper, I must have notification from Student Services outlining the reason if they wish to avoid a grade penalty. So far, nobody's been willing to do the extra work to "prove" their absences.
Fourthing (or fifthing?) this. The student isn't going to make the connection between her lie and Marco's skipping the review session. She's just going to think that Marco flaked out, and this perception of his "lack of professionalism" will further justify shitty behavior in the future. Students rarely see their professors' retaliation as a consequence of the way they've behaved. They believe that professors are too stupid to see through their lies, and/or so superhuman that they don't get ruffled by the disrespect. My students, for instance, never pick up on the fact that my lack of interest in their work is directly proportionate to the amount of texting they do in class. If I want them to know, I have to spell out the connection for them. Your texting=disrespect=me not giving a shit.
DeleteAnother vote for letting her know why you're canceling, either in person or, if you think you can write a message that won't get you in trouble if it gets passed on to higher-ups (which, of course, depends on your higher-ups, who sound potentially problematic), by email. In some places, this might come close to being an honor offense (but probably not quite, since a review session, rather than the exam itself, was involved; you'd need to be working under an honor system that defines any lying whatsoever as an infraction).
ReplyDeleteHer final comment -- "Yeah, but I did total my car once, so I knew what to say" -- is an interesting one, and points to a phenomenon which I've long suspected: the students who tell the most heart-rending tales (dying parents, serious accident or illness, etc.) often have had the experience, or some variation of it, at some time, and have learned from how people reacted to them at the time. I know from my own experience (my mother died when I was in elementary school) that such events can teach one a lot about others' reactions, and can lead to the temptation to milk the event (actually, I went the other way, and was vastly relieved when people didn't know or allude to my my circumstances, and very fond of my (male) 8th-grade teacher who actually managed to forget, and tell me to ask my mother about something, but that's probably a matter of my temperament). Of course, I'm pretty old, and was raised by fairly no-nonsense parents and grandparents (the parental generation was born during the Great Depression; the grandparental generation had it hit just as they were approaching what should have been their most productive work years), so the message-by-example at home was definitely along the lines of "yes, it's a sad situation, but all we can do is pick ourselves up and get on with life as best we can."
That leaves me thinking that Marco's story is an example of why we should *not* overdo the sympathy and support even when students experience truly traumatic life events: we don't want to give them the idea that claiming such an event is a way to take the pressure off. The lessons students learn from such events are still going to be affected by other factors, including their own personalities, but the goal, I think, is to have them learn to approach us as their bosses will eventually want to be approached: with an account of the event that includes a reasonably calm apology for missing an event at which (s)he was expected to be present, and a proactive plan that takes full responsibility for catching up as soon as possible. If the professor *then* offers to help with the process (as any sympathetic human being, professor, boss, or otherwise, might do), that's just fine, but somehow we (and, yes, the Deans et al.) need to send the message that their lives are theirs to manage.
This is not a criticism of your reaction, Marco -- honestly, I probably would have reacted similarly, though probably with an offer of written materials rather than a personalized review session, unless I was going to be in my office anyway -- just a meditation on where such lies come from. Of course the students are ultimately responsible for their own (dis)honesty, but I do think the cumulative reactions to traumatic events that they encounter from adults in authority as they grow up (and continue growing up in college) do, at the very least, either increase or decrease the temptation to lie about such events.
Cancel -- tell her you were in a terrible car accident.
ReplyDeleteNow that really made me laugh. Excellent idea!
Delete"Oh, really?"
Delete"No, but I was once, so I knew what to say."
"Really?"
Delete"No. But I listened to you, so I knew how to lie about it."
Perfect.
DeleteComment of the week, I'd say (though I also like Stella's devious approach).
DeleteTo add on to Cassandra's comment (and what a lovely one it was; I always look forward to your comments), I'm reminded of something I read in Thomas de Zengotita's Mediated. He begins the book (you can actually read this part on Amazon) with a story from his childhood--where he was during the JFK assassination. Where he was happened to be in an acting studio with a bunch of other young actors. As they were waiting for class to begin, someone came in and announced that JFK had been assassinated. The students, of course, think it's the prompt for an improv, and they go at it, in true Method acting style. Despair, keening, waterworks, everything. Then someone else comes in and lets them know it was real, and "the embarrassment was excruciating." It dawned on him that "there was nothing left, no level or nuance of feeling that hadn't become a resource for our enterprise." Not exactly the same thing, but it struck me.
ReplyDeleteThanks, MR; I'm blushing. I, too, was thinking that the student was engaging in a variety of method acting.
DeleteThe JFK anecdote is fascinating. There's no question that our ways of expressing grief are culturally mediated, and reinforced by example (all you have to do is look at pictures of people reacting to various disasters and tragedies around the world to see significant differences as well as commonalities, and that doesn't even take into account that more stoic reactions rarely see film, because they're not particularly photogenic. There are, of course, exceptions, including some of the most famous pictures of JFK's funeral, and some of Princess Diana's, though many equated reserve with coldness in the latter case). At the moment, the U.S. seems to be in a very "let it all hang out" moment (to the extent that there are even "right" ways not only to handle a death, but to handle illnesses like cancer. I've known people who were actually lectured for not buying into the predominant fight/survivor metaphor -- their attitude would supposedly kill them -- and woe betide anyone who decides to "stop fighting," choosing quality over quantity of life. That is, in some circles, heresy.)
It's a bit of stretch, but I think the reactions of students at Penn State, some of whom have gone from rioting to looking absolutely lost as they watched the news of the sanctions on TV (the great transmitter of culturally approved reactions), is part of the same picture. They've lost the narrative into which many of them bought, hook, line, and sinker (how's that for a mixed metaphor?), and, at least until the leaders of the school come up with a new one that is at least somewhat endorsed by the outside world, some of them don't seem to have the slightest idea what to think, or how to behave.
How about a vote for totally fucking with her? Seriously, totally fucking with her? Not showing up at the review simply isn't good enough. You need to show up and ruin her.
ReplyDeleteShow up for that little review session and do everything you can to steer her wrong about the final. Don't out and out lie. You won't have to. Just imply.
Guide the review session yourself, and spend most of your time on stuff that won't show up on the final. If she asks for clarification on stuff that will, say something like "Oh, well, we could go over that, but I think it will be better for you if we go over this..."
She will be so happy. So grateful. So smug in her belief that she has snowed you.
Until she sees the final. When she complains, you say "I took my own time to help you review. How's that whiplash by the way?"
Then walk away.
You've been given a unique opportunity. Don't squander it. Crush her, the fucking liar. Crush her.
And then she tells all her friends she knows what's on the final....she may not have had whiplash, but a backlash is pretty much guaranteed.
DeleteWow--what a little shit. I'd like to say I'm surprised, but more and more, I find myself not believing any stories students tell me. It makes me angry that my cynical side has won out when I should be empathizing or sympathizing.
ReplyDeleteLook it what these little shits lie about. They'll lie about a class. What happens when we need them to tell the truth about something important, like war and peace, priests fucking boys, working people getting a fair shake? I reckon we're fucked.
ReplyDeleteI hate myself every time I do it, but I require a police report, funeral program, obituary, or medical note. I actually do not care if they lie to get the note, though once a student sent me a note from her father, Dr. So and So ... who turned out to be a dentist or something.
ReplyDeleteThing is, the students to whom real things happen are often the most conscientious.
I hate to do it too, but I also require documentation, as my syllabus states. I often say, "I don't want to seem hard, but so many students in the past have misled me about this, I am going to have to require you bring me written documentation of this, such as a police report." It's too bad it's come to this, but lying comes far too easily to too many people.
ReplyDeleteExact verbiage from my syllabus:
ReplyDeleteWhat do I mean by an excused absence? There are 4 different categories of excused absences: 1) medically excused, 2) death of someone close to you, 3) university sponsored event, and, 4) “legally” excused. The definitions are below.
To be medically excused, you SHALL get written verification by a medical doctor stating both the time of visit and the duration of the expected illness. No note, no excuse! If you are not sick enough to go to the Student Health Center, go to lab/recitation. Death of someone close to you isn’t something to use as an excuse unless it is legitimate. Obituaries of people will suffice as an excused absence but I reserve the right to check up on this. If you are part of a University sponsored event, the letter comes automatically from the program office (if you are presenting at a conference, let me know!). Significant time away from lab can impact your overall grade even though the absences would be excused. “Legally” excused absences will involve subpoenas, court records, traffic tickets, or some other written form of documentation stating that court or being arrested is where you were. In addition, all of the excused absences will need to have a point of contact and a phone number that I can call to verify the claim. Your instructors reserve the right to make the final call for all absences from examinations. If your reason/excuse/rationale/justification is any other than the ones listed here, it’s not excused. End of discussion.
While this sounds pretty onerous, it isn’t! In order to get something good from this class, you’ve got to put in the time and effort.
"Can I have a special review session?"
ReplyDelete"No."
Just say no. All the time. No matter what your boss demands. If you have an office hour, they should go then. If they missed a review session, tough shit.
I had to learn to do this. Lots of us did. Even if what she said was completely accurate, why should she get a special personal tutoring session?
I used to schedule review sessions, and I dumbed things down to the point of ridiculousness. The quizzes I give are easy. Students do no better with the review sessions (which essentially is me leading them through a study session), so I no longer offer them.
ReplyDeleteIn my syllabus, I state that the student is responsible for finding out what they missed - I recommend they get notes from another student in class; I will of course provide handouts. And a summary of what is covered in class (and handouts) can generally be had online. I state... I do not repeat material presented in class. And as I found students often miss class when an assignment is due... I also state that assignments are due on the stated date, regardless of attendance.
And yes, occasionally there is a student with a good reason for leniency - but in 15 years, there have only been a few.