Wednesday, September 19, 2012

To Jackie, would that I could say it to your face

Dear Jackie,

I don't know how we got here. How long as it been? Are we three weeks into the school year?

It began fairly early. You emailed me. You wanted to let me know that you were excited for class, but you needed an A. I ignored the attempt to see beyond the hazy stars of today and into the soft future -- no one knows A work until it is put into the system. And so I patiently answered your question and sent you on your way.

You replied. And I replied. A few days passed. You were late with your weekly assignment. The emails began again. You submitted late.

You are now about 4 weeks behind, emailing me already for an extension on next Friday's homework. Really? Jackie, what the hell could keep you from doing a page long response in the next 10 days??

At this point, you are emailing me 5 times a day. I only answer once every other day.

You insist I am hard by not allowing full credit on late work.

You complain that I am cruel for giving you a C on homework that fails to use course material. You say it is a "slap in the face" that I do not give you extra credit for using all those online sources -- you know, Students of Fortune, Wikipedia, MegaEssays, and Yahoo Answers.

A slap. In the face.

Oh Jackie.

And the coup de gras:  I have offended your religion. I thought I was just talking about the basic tenets of belief, but I have offended you. How? Because I suggested that Christian doctrine has for years believed in the dogma of Original Sin, that women experience pain in childbirth as inherited punishment of that sin, and that Jesus Christ came to earth to save humanity from the same sins committed in the Garden of Eden.

As a "Christian Women" [sic] you explain that you are "deeply and gratefully offended that" I would so terrible "disabuse" your religion so.  (Gratefully? Disabuse?)

I wanted to scream after receiving this email, Jackie.

And so I am now on strike. No more. I refuse to respond. I think you are a feeble-minded, festering sore in an otherwise beautiful group of students. Thank goodness you never talk in class (and that you so often skip). I might be tempted to say something to your face. Something that could not be unsaid.

These emails, Jackie. They have to stop. No, I will not read your homework from last week and tell you what you might get. I don't care that you think you deserve an A and want a chance to redo all your homework. I WANT YOU TO STOP EMAILING ME with rude comments, one-liners, textspeak and other crap.

It's three weeks, Jackie. And already I hate you. Please.



  1. I hate Jackie, too! I hope she just stops coming and gets the F she's clearly aiming to earn without bugging you, but sadly, I foresee her creating a problem, taking time to do anything EXCEPT the work she should be doing, as long as it gets her out of doing it and causes you shit.

    Why is it that when they're incompetent thinkers or writers, they then turn to accusations that we have been sexist, racist, have "gratefully disabused" their religious beliefs, etc.? Why can't they just say, "I'm a shitty lazy shit of a student and I need to find some other way to waste my time"? Why?

  2. She deserves the pipebomb in the mail, that or some licks from a lead-weighted pool cue.

    Godzilla is rising from Tokyo Bay...

  3. I hope your school has some kind of process for teacher complaints about students. If so, you should use it. It's pretty clear that Jackie is crossing some boundaries, and my guess is if you don't do something about it now, she's going to get worse,

    1. How pathetic is it that I've already contacted her student adviser and my chair over the issue? Just covering my back, but my chair looked at me said it looked like I could use a drink. (sigh)

    2. If it is anything like my school we have policies, but they are not worth the paper they are printed on. And the adminiflakes never back them up. I have had two really bad situations where I filed the appropriate forms and documented the bad behavior. One student got a warning,the other was allowed to continue to do whatever he wanted, he even threated the dean and still did not get the boot.

    3. But you still covered your ass. That's at least part of the game. If the student is disciplined is booted out of class, or if s/he learns what to do and how to do it in college, then even better.

  4. Be thankful it's only via email. She could be stalking you during your office hours.

  5. I'm glad your chair is supportive. She sounds like a real doozy of a troublesome student.

    1. And your exposition of Christian theology sounds just fine to me. The last bit might be Augustine rather than the Bible directly (though most of Augustine's ideas have roots somewhere in at least the epistles), but the first 2/3 is straight from Genesis, and original sin is, as far as I know, still mainstream Christian doctrine, including among fundamentalists and evangelicals (one of which I suspect she is). If anything, they seem more inclined to continue various misogynistic traditions.

  6. Is it too late for her to drop the course?

  7. Are you part of a union or faculty association? Where I work, I could go to our grievance officer about this harassment and probably get the student withdrawn, or at least have responsibility for her passed on to someone else.


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