“If you believe in evolution, you can’t be in favour of homosexuality, or the ducks will get you in the end.”
I think this is going to turn out to be part of a viral marketing campaign. Also, it's funny.
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A letter to the editor from a 14-year-old homeschooled teen named Jasmin was recently "published in Canterbury, New Zealand's Northern Outlook, garnering stunned silence from most and lengthy rebuttals from others. The subject of the letter was homosexuality in general and the legalization of same-sex marriage in particular.
Jasmin applies her homespun knowledge of evolution — which she later admits is something she doesn't "believe" in — to the eventuality of marriage equality, asserting that such a development "could threaten the human position on the evolutionary ladder, and say, ducks could take over the world."
That's right: Ducks.
Actually, if you "believe in" evolution, you can too accept homosexuality. Isaac Asimov made a good case for this in one of his essays in the 1960s: he argued that, since the world is so overcrowded, maybe we should promote it.
ReplyDeleteThe level of reasoning is typical of many 14 year old kids, not just those who are homeschooled or have theories that involve ducks.
ReplyDeleteActually, I don't know that for sure. The letter is typical of many 18 year old college students. I just assume that they weren't much brighter four years earlier.
Now you know why Hermann Hesse and Ayn Rand are so popular with 14-year-olds, those who still read, if any.
Deletesince she brought up birds...one of my favorite stories to tell my Hamster Sexology class is that there are gay male swans that clearly want to pass on their genes. One of the swans impregnates a female and when she lays the egg the two males chase her away and raise the baby themselves. Apocalypse averted. FYI Jasmin there is documented homosexuality in over 1500 species of animals, including ducks. So yes, we are about as evolved as ducks in that respect.
ReplyDeleteI've heard of a pair of male Siberian geese that brought in a female permanently. Gave the ménage à trois a serious competitive advantage in defending nesting sites.
DeleteTo be fair, part of the problem is that in some species you can't tell the difference without careful investigation (e.g. trying to mate).
DeleteThe same biologist who told me the story of the geese, pointed out that Adelie penguins, who use pebbles in courting, have a sure-fire way of telling whether a prospective mate is interested:
- If she turns her head away when you offer the pebble, she's not interested.
- If she picks up the pebble, she's interested.
- If she pecks you on the head, she's a male.
I like the simplicity of the pebbles.
DeleteSo you can tell gay penguins because they have little bald spots on their heads?
DeleteYou can't tell gay penguins, because even penguins can't tell male from female.
DeleteYou can tell gay penguins, you just can't tell them much.
DeleteRabbits seem to have the same problem, or else they don't much care what gender of rabbit they're humping. And they seem to be evolving and adapting quite well (all too well, in some places, in fact).
DeleteThen of course there's the case of the Victorian era Antarctic explorer on the Scott expedition, who was so shocked by the depravity of penguins that he decided not to publish his observations for the sake of decency.
DeleteThey'll kick (among other unsavory things) our asses long before the ducks get us.
It's still better than half the essays I mark.
ReplyDeleteYeah, but consider that it's likely been copy edited, to get it into the newspaper.
DeleteA duck got me in the end once. Hurt like hell.
ReplyDeleteIf she weighs the same as a duck...she's made of wood.
ReplyDeleteAnd therefore?
A WITCH!!
(It's a fair cop.)
Ducks. The ducks are the purely monogamous, mommy-and-daddy types.
ReplyDeleteSomeone obviously doesn't pay attention to the Ig Nobel prizes.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2005/mar/08/highereducation.research
"Next to the obviously dead duck, another male mallard was present. He . . . mounted the corpse and started to copulate, with great force."
Several things occur to me reading this. First, it's a clear demonstration of the stage of dualistic thinking. I wouldn't expect much more from the average 14 year old, and I have 18 year olds in my classes who are in the same cognitive stage, and that's not necessarily a cause for breast-beating. It's also, I think, a good example of cognitive dissonance. Her clearly religious (and right-wing) parents have decided to home-school her, but she is trying to take on an argument from another viewpoint. That's a sophisticated rhetorical mode for an adult, let alone an adolescent, so good for her there. In the process, she has constructed an argument that is remarkably fallacious -- and I suspect in a couple years she'll be pretty embarrassed that this thing exists.
ReplyDeleteI mean, I suppose I could fault her (more accurately, her parents) for not knowing that incidence of homosexual behavior is more or less constant through a population, that there are very good arguments for why homosexual behavior might provide an evolutionary advantage to some populations, that evolution isn't the same as improvement, and so on . . . But I just kind of see a mind that's trying to think, and hemmed in by bad teachers and ideological constraints.
In four years, I bet she has a very different view of things, and a few uncomfortable Thanksgivings under her belt. And I give her a 10% chance of having a girlfriend by then.
Darn it, I just caught the spelling. Okay, scratch the Thanksgivings.
DeleteIf she doesn't believe in evolution, she should be worrying about the antibiotic-resistant bacteria, not the ducks. Or maybe those of us who do accept the theory of evolution should be worrying, and she shouldn't? In any case, I'm pretty sure the bacteria, and the American love affair with overuse of antibiotics, are more of a threat than the ducks.
ReplyDelete