Boy howdy CM, I am job miserable.
This is my first time at this here rodeo called "The Job Market." My adviser is getting long in the tooth, and tends to forget to mention important things, like using university letterhead for cover letters. Thank goodness I read the random blogs in this part o' the prairie.
I asked for letters of recommendation over a month ago, and I am passing up jobs left and right because my writers are "getting to them soon." I was only in these parts for six years. Y'all only saw me qualify for ABD status nine months ago. Heaven forbid I might want to up and hitch my wagon and get out of these here sticks.
Can't quite use my "templates" I wrote up in August for all the jobs. I spend at least a good two or three hours working on the letters and supplemental materials. Shoot, you fellas seem to want me to write a novel to get in the door. Y'all cost me quite a pretty penny, especially when you ask for more than 20 pages of material. The folks at Interfolio must be laughing all the way to the bank. Some of these jobs don't even ask for paper. It's all electronic. Yet it still costs time and money. Time away from finishing up the dissertation, and money that I have to front and wait months for reimbursement.
I'm already worried about what I'm going to wear to our first date. I mean, y'all ask so many questions about how I would teach everything and the kitchen sink. You want letters of application, CVs, teaching philosophy statements, research statements, a teaching portfolio, transcripts, your HR website's application, letters of recommendation, writing samples ..... I know I'm forgetting something. Maybe you want a picture of a gopher? Or a duck? Reading all these blogs talking about what proper candidates should wear, well, I feel I should have been saving up for the duds you expect me to afford to wear to the giant cesspool snoozefest known as our annual conference. I'd rather go to the conference to learn about my field, but I have a feeling we'll be getting to know each other real well in a hotel room. Or "the pit."
Please let me get to know you? Quit asking me for 100 pages that you'll only glance through. Just call me, baby. I'm real sweet. I know my subject. I'd be a great colleague. You should give me a chance.
In the meantime, I am thoroughly miserable and pouring hours of my life into an electronic void. It's easier to reject someone when you can just click "delete."