Meandering Myrtle: Who are you again? I think I may have seen you early in the term. Oh, that's right, you handed in a non-research paper that contained research and looked like a recycle from those many years you spent in grade 10. I gave you a week to redo it. You didn't. You also didn't do the second assignment and the Blackhole Board says you never check anything online. So, why did you sit the exam? It was a waste of your time and I'm not giving up my time to read the scrawl in the booklet. Just add another 0 to your grade list and go away.
Disability Darren: I have a crap load of students with a wide range of disabilities this term. Yet, you are the only one that has to tell me every chance you get about how you have already failed the course three times and how it isn't your fault because people "don't get you". Listen carefully, "I have the same disability as you. I do not blame anyone. I just learned to get around the issues. Shit, I was never even given disability status because in my day it was not considered one. So, shut up!" As for the mid-term, I have not picked it up yet. You wrote it in a private room with a computer and other accommodations. I have no interest in hearing your excuses before I even see it.
Athletic Andy: I received notice a few days ago from your department head that you were severely injured in a game and would be missing classes. You then emailed me to say you were home but not able to do work. Last class, you were there. Yes, you have an automatic extension for the last assignment. You can write a deferred exam as well. What's that? You will sit the exam, you say? You just won't use pain medication until after the exam so you will have a clear head? You should be fine because the broken shoulder and arm isn't the one you use to write with? Damn! Athletic Andy, I think you are going to do very well on the exam. Yes, very well indeed.