Sunday, October 28, 2012

Smackdown? Screw that, and get me a thermonuclear weapon.

Yo, Klueless Katie

This is the FIFTH email that I have responded to regarding your essay topic. We have established so far that:

  1. "I want to write about dogs" is not a topic related the topic of this course, which is Hamster Weaving. Hamsters are not dogs.
  2. Small dogs, while possibly resembling hamsters approximately in size, are in no other ways hamsters, and "resembling" here is a stretch.
  3. Dogs wearing hamster costumes are also not hamsters.
  4. Thanking me for clarifying the topic when I copied and pasted from the original assignment instructions is not filling me with confidence.
  5. Fish: also not hamsters.
  6. No, sorry, even looking at them sideways, fish are not hamsters.
  7. Coming to class might have helped you tell the difference between dogs, hamsters and fish.
  8. DUDE. That's a monkeyfighting LIZARD.
  9. I really really want to punch you.
  10. STFU about dogs, already.


  1. Oooh, boy. That sounds familiar. And I don't even assign topics, just parameters. But some students still manage to do just this -- or, more often, flit around from completely inappropriate topic to equally inappropriate and completely unrelated topic (making me, too, think that they're working from a stash of already-written papers somewhere -- papers that aren't responsive to my deliberately idiosyncratic and quite specific prompt).

    Good luck. Maybe she'll spontaneously combust (or, if you're on the East Coast of the US, blow and/or float away). Or just drop. Drop would, presumably, be sufficient.

    1. I was thinking about already written papers, too.

  2. Dogs with what appears to be Yoda's scalp on their heads are also not hamsters.

  3. Jeebus. I have one of these this semester.

    Dumber than a bag of hammers. In a 1-credit class. My co-instructor and I have EACH explained what is going on to her, in separate conversations. She still doesn't get it.

    I nearly screamed when she came up to us at the end of the most recent class and said "I don't understand what we're supposed to do for the capstone project." Luckily I had another class right away, and could bail. Still need to apologize to my co-instructor...