I’m very tired of students’ poor attitudes about learning and especially their poor attitudes about pretending to care about learning when talking to professors. A email this weekend contained the phrase “waste my time studying” from a student who wondered whether she should take the exam or drop the class. Her parents should be beaten for raising her so poorly.I’ve had enough. My father would pull his belt off if he knew what I’m about to do.
I give up. This is simply too much for me to bear. At 10:48 on this Monday evening, Beaker Ben lowers his standards.
I am now giving awards to my students. God help us all. They want endless, unconditional praise. They want our admiration, understanding and forgiveness. A gold star for not pooping their pants. OK, if that’s what it takes, I’ll give it whirl. I will now give awards for students who simply do the minimum.
The award presentation will begin on Wednesday. Dress appropriately.
I don't know about anyone else, but I don't think I can wait until Wednesday.
ReplyDeleteBring. It.
The suspense... is... killing... me....
ReplyDeleteDon't you wish you could reply:
ReplyDelete"Well, it's been a waste attempting to teach you. If you're enrolled in college and think studying is a waste of time, then drop the class or fail."
Or can you?
Heavens, no!
DeleteI have tenure, so I can, and I giggle like a proper mad scientist whenever I do, it's great.
DeleteThere better be KoolAid and pictures. I'm just saying.
ReplyDeleteI dunno. I did offer a prize in an email to my classes to the first one who could read and understand what the point of a linked article was. Two correct answers and 5 replies. That was it.
ReplyDeleteI even bought cookies. :p
I've had students accuse my whole course of being a waste of their time. I always ask them what they think they're doing in college if taking a course is such a waste. If you can't handle the "requirements" of college, go wrestle with the "requirements" doled out by the rest of the world.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Ben! I am very, very thankful to be teaching in a culture that doesn't seem to have drunk the award-happy Kool-Aid (at least not yet), but I have the deepest sympathy for your plight.
The award presentation will begin on Wednesday. Dress appropriately.
ReplyDeleteSocks only?
I haven't seen The Simpsons in the longest time, maybe twelve years, but yesterday I chanced upon the episode where Homer meets Frank Grimes, a man who's had to struggle for a meager sense of security. He dies in a fit of rage (being electrocuted) because he hates how Homer is so stupid and lazy and gets away with it. I don't mean to wax philosophically about the Simpsons, but all of us need to remember not to become Frank Grimes. This is why, even though I'm supposed to tow the line and defend academic rigor, I completely understand.
ReplyDeleteWatch this clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOgS8gTATv8
"Don't call me Grimey." Love that episode!
DeleteAs more and more Homer Simpsons seem to show up in my classes, I feel more and more like Frank Grimes.