Friday, November 30, 2012

Exterminate!!!!!!!




You, ASSHOLE ANDY-----go to HELL, douchebag.  You got a D+ in Comp I the last time you took it, and were lucky to squeak by then!  The wonderful prof who gave you that grade was a bit too much of a sweetie, though, so I think you did not deserve even that D+. And YOU my asshole friend, were probably instrumental in her early retirement (God Bless Her----I am so jealous right about now).

You know what, ASSHOLE?  I mentioned your name to your academic adviser.  The first words out of her mouth?  "WHAT AN ASSHOLE!!!!!"   I mentioned your name to the coordinator of your program?  The FIRST words out of his mouth, with no coaching at all? "WHAT AN ASSHOLE!!!!"  You can't get along with anybody, can you?

But actually, I found out what I needed to know from them, and it was NOT that you are an incredible ASSHOLE.  THAT, I figured out by myself.  No, Andy, what I clarified with your other friends here at the college was that you CAN graduate with that D+.  Yep.  You entered this college so goddamn long ago that you are grandfathered in and you don't NEED a C or better.  I've wanted you OUT of my class ever since your started to torture me on about the second day.  And now I find out that you are here just for your health, you stupid fuck!

So, and with my blessing, GET THE FUCK OUT!  I'll process the paperwork, make it so it looks like you never even entered the goddamned class.  Just GET THE FUCKOUT!  And listen to me,  you miserable son of a bitch, you are FAILING this time, hear me!  FAILING!  You'll have a big fat F on that ugly transcript of yours.  So don't give me shit about how you wanted to take it again for a better grade. If THAT was your goal, coming to class on time maybe even once, doing assignments, handing in a portfolio, and not ARGUING with me about every goddamn thing would have been a better game plan.

23 comments:

  1. As stated in the 1981 episide "Destiny of the Daleks":

    ADVANCE FOR TOTAL DALEK VICTORY!

    By the way, I know exactly how for feel. This semester, I have a premed who is making a real nuisance of himself in my observational astronomy class. He almost got a C in the prerequisite, and I told him this would be a rigorous class for physics majors that may not be good for his all-encompassing GPA, but he would insist on taking it. As expected, I have had just about as much of his nonstop grade grubbing as I can take, especially since more than one instance of it is due to his misreading of the syllabus.

    The topper so far has been, a few nights ago at midnight, I got a panicky phone call from him, saying that the power to the Campus Observatory was cut off. I went out there, and discovered he'd left the power on, when he thought it was off. That's right, he confused "on" for "off." I am very close to begging him not to go into medicine, since quite frankly I think he'd be dangerous.

    Speaking of dangerous, I also have a physics class of 60 engineering majors who are so innumerate, they make a retarded sea cucumber look like Albert Einstein. I am now grading their exams, and am alternating between shaking my head in disbelief and chortling smugly.

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    1. Wow. Just WOW. Do us all a favor and have him shift towards Educational Administration.

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  2. Hey, watch your language around here.

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  3. Fun pastime: extend your hand flat, and place the knuckle of your first finger against your adam's apple. Now yell "EXTERNINATE" while wiggiing your hand up and down.

    Best done while students are approaching your office to see you during office hours.

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    1. and, presumably, while you are occupying a named chair, or at least a tenured position.

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    2. I just said it was a fun pastime. I didn't say that I actually DID it.

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    3. Damn, I don't have an adam's apple.

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    4. @CrayonEater: yep, that's another obstacle for me, too.

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    5. My old high school English teacher used to yell "Exterminate" any time one of us displeased him. He'd probably get locked up these days....

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  4. I LOVE that graphic. It should be our official logo. CM should make and sell a stamp shaped like that for us to use when grading student work- the stamp will save us writing "epic fail" over and over again!!!

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  5. It's so good to see Dr. Who on the page.

    But I am unsatisfied by this rant. Bella, what does Andy do that earns him universal recognition as an asshole?

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  6. My sympathies and empathy. And yay!

    We have our very own school asshole. The kicker: he's an Undeclared major. This means he spreads his assholeness across the campus. But everyone knows him. He's the one who screams at the Registrar when he finds out a class he took in 1982 doesn't transfer, and we can all hear him even though he's in the next building. He's the one who tells the very esteemed professor doing his "last lecture" that he (Andy Asshole) could have done better b/c he would have used PowerPoint. He's the one who complains for an hour to the chair that an English class requires him to read books. He's the one who kicks at the glass door to get it to open and then curses and kicks some more when it doesn't because he's pushing on the wrong side of the bar (which was hilarious). And this is all in one day...

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    1. "he spreads his assholeness across the campus"

      Ay carumba! I can NOT get that image out of my head!

      And Dr. N - if they can't recognize the Brady Bunch, how are we ever going to expect them to recognize Daleks?

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    2. At first, R a/o G, I had drafted "This asshole spreads his shit across campus," but thought that was too graphic. :)

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  7. Contemplative Cynic, I think Asshole Andy must be related to your college's resident Asshole.

    Proffie Galore---what has he done to deserve such a title?

    What has he NOT done? You know, some people just go through life being Super Assholes. Andy has:

    1. Come to every class late, making up a fresh (stale, but new to this particular class) excuse every time. He delivers his excuses with an air of contemptuous impatience that makes your skin crawl.
    2. Missed every exam, but come with an excuse. He tried to make me listen to the workings of his bowels after he missed the last exam. The DEAN would not listen to him about it. That is really saying something.
    3. Handed in every essay late, or not at all. Did not hand in his portfolio (the poor thing is cursed with perpetual but undocumented ill health). But ARGUES like a pro. If this guy ever had the gumption to work, he might make a great litigator.
    4. He has an attitude about himself. He thinks he is better than our podunk little Inner City Community College. He is smarter than this. He oozes contempt for everyone.
    5. He is smart. He makes me so angry when I think of poor sweet little Low IQ Louann. Wny should Asshole Andy be gifted with IQ points?
    5. Nothing I could write could ever equal to the RAGE he elicits in ALL OF US that have had to work with him. He just has the special "something" that makes him hated by all who meet him.

    Some people are not given IQ points. And some people are given this.....ASSHOLE aspect about themselves that I suppose may debilitate them just a surely as would a very low IQ.

    But I don't feel sorry for Andy. NO I don't.

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    1. Ahhh, that's the kind of rant I was craving. I didn't doubt that Andy had earned his sobriquet, just wanted to hear you dish.

      And dish you did. You had me at "Come to every class late . . . with an air of contemptuous impatience that makes your skin crawl."

      But his attempt to make you and the dean "listen to the workings of his bowels" is above and beyond the assholeness any of mine have spread around campus.

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  8. If I was still of childbearing years, I'd consider having another child in hopes he would be a boy so I could name him "Rory." I am really LOVING the 11th incarnation of Dr. Who series. It is taking me quite a while to get through it because of stoopid stuff like essay grading and such. But it is a WONDERFUL distraction on horrible days.

    As it is (in terms of child bearing years).....I think my next puppy just might be named Rory.

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  9. I haven't stopped laughing. Sorry - he sounds like an ASSHOLE, but lmbo - you are too funny.

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