Sunday, December 16, 2012
My Unhealthy Semester
The reason is that my first semester as a full-time adjunct has been absolutely terrifying. My relationship with my institution resembles that of a a psychotic ex-significant other. One minute its, "I love you, I want us to be together forever. I think we can make it happen." The next, "You disgust me! And we might not need you next semester!" If my institution were a real person, I would consider myself to be in an abusive relationship.
I just don't know how much longer I can do this. It's not about the teaching or the students. I had a lot of fun and really loved my students (in a platonic, professorial way mind you). They appeared to love me as well, asking for references and such. I hadn't the heart to say, "Well, I might be here next semester, but I'm not sure."
The semester break couldn't have come at a better time, because I need to do some serious reflection. I'm not sure I can do this long term. I wish I could be the professor the students deserve, but circumstances don't allow it. I need things like insurance and a steady paycheck and a stable environment where I won't be dumped at the drop of a hat. But I'll give it one more semester I guess. I *think* I'll have a full class load, although there might be a January surprise waiting for me after the holidays.
So Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Heri Za Kwanzaa; just pass the booze on this very blessed break.