I understand not wanting to write papers.
I understand procrastination.
But why, why, WHY (!) do they refuse to follow the basic rules of stapling!? How lazy do you have to be to not staple? How rushed do you have to be to staple in the wrong place? How? How? HOW!?
With these thoughts in mind, I've decided to put together a powerpoint presentation teaching students how to staple, and I would appreciate any suggestions you may have:
SLIDE 1. Title: Stapling and Your Professor - or - How to Avoid Filling Me with the Righteous Fury of a Thousand Thousand Suns
SLIDE 2. Deciding to Staple: Should I follow this silly little rule? I don't know. Should I drown you in a pool?
SLIDE 3. Proper Placement 1: The corner of the page, or I'll be filled with rage.
SLIDE 4. Proper Placement 2: Staple over text? I'll have to break your necks.
SLIDE 5. Alternatives?: Can I give the corner a fold? Would you like to be knocked out cold?
SLIDE 6. Alternatives?: Can I use a paper clip instead? That depends. Do you want to end up dead?
I often hear, "They don't have a stapler," from students who knowingly violate directions to staple papers.
ReplyDeleteI've always wanted to ask, "They, who?"
I used to be disgusted, but now I try to be amused. And to provide a stapler.
ReplyDeleteWith or without staples? I'd be tempted to say, "I'll provide a stapler, but it is BYO staples."
DeleteIn an effort to be nice, I started letting students use the mini-stapler in my pencil case. This resulted in students not bothering to staple their papers because they knew they could borrow my stapler. I went through a lot of staples and paper hand-in time took forever what with the lineup for the stapler. Finally I'd had enough and the following semester went back to telling students that all papers needed to be stapled and no I did not have a stapler for them to use. No staple? Go find one before you hand it in. I tell them if they try to sneak it into the pile unstapled I'll subtract 10% from the grade. No one tests me to see if I'll really do it (I will).
DeleteI did have one student who scowled at me and said, "You should really bring a stapler to class for us to use." I laughed and asked him why he thought it was my job to provide stationery supplies when there were free staplers chained to various locations around the college--there was one right down the hall, in fact, that I had helpfully directed my students to when they said "I don't have a stapler!" He did not have an answer.
[In other news: the words staple and stapler now sound like nonsense words to me after writing this comment.]
I carried a mini-stapler (and staples) when I was still accepting work on paper. Now I receive all work electronically and growl about file-naming conventions instead. Six of one. . .
DeleteWith staples. Owned by the college. I understand the frustration and enjoyed the rhyme in the post. And if I were an adjunct carting my own stapler around to underequipped classrooms, I'd certainly direct students to the one chained down the hall.
DeleteBut for me it's worth a little more serenity and goodwill to provide the friggin' stapler. I sip my tea and chat with the students who came in prepared while the other ones scramble to staple their papers. It helps that they're trained (by now) to know that after the official class start time, additional assignments are officially "LATE" in my book, so the scramble settles down quickly and the latecomers don't even try.
And yes, in answer to a post below, the graphic weirds me out, too.
I like this but I offer one suggestion. Change Slide 1. "Stapling and Your Professor" could be misread as "Stapling Your Professor" which could cause you some pain.
ReplyDeleteGenerally, my students only forget to staple their papers one time. They find out early that I tend to "lose" pages of their assignment.
ReplyDeleteAlso, is anyone else totally creeped out by the graphic?
DeleteNope, totally did a double take on that graphic.
DeleteI also accidentally "lose" pages from unstapled papers. Usually it takes just one time of getting a response paper back with a missing page (and a grade of "incomplete") to inspire students to make that three-dollar investment.
DeleteEach time my students whined about not having a stapler or access to one, I referred them to the department office. When that didn't work, I reminded them that there was an area in the library where they likely could borrow one as that was where students could do photocopying and bind reports.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I distributed handouts and some whined that there weren't any holes punched in them so that they could put them in their binders. I gave them the same response. After all, their tuitions paid for that library facility.
Why should I reward laziness?
I got that hole-punching thing, too once or twice! WTF is that?!
DeleteI learned to staple my papers in 5th grade, when my teacher gave me an F for asking to use hers.
ReplyDeleteShe then twisted the knife by written comments on said report that indicated she was very pleased with the quality of the work.
Still, these days I accept only electronic submissions. Saves me trying to figure out what folder I might have put the paper in.
I would do this when I was a TA: mark the assignment, record the mark, and then any unstapled pages were distributed in a random manner among the assignments to be returned.
ReplyDeleteOf course, many never picked up the assignment because that's not what the modern student does.
Made me feel better in a rather petty and mean-spirited way.
I tell my students that no assignment will be accepted unless properly stapled.
ReplyDelete"I don't have a stapler."
ReplyDelete"Do you drink beer?"
"What?"
"Do you drink beer/"
"Yeah."
"Skip a beer and buy a stapler."
"I don't know where to get one."
"Well, Staples (obviously). Also Office Depot, Office Max, CVS, Walgreens, Publix, Kroger. Also remember to buy staples if there isn't a little box of them in the package."
I made similar suggestions to my students and even urged them to try the on-campus bookstore. I don't think many of them tried. Somehow, to them, staplers magically appeared out of the air and materialized in their hands.
DeleteI'd like to see what happened to some of them when they tried stunts like that when they started working for a living.
NLAA: I don't think they require employees to use staplers at McDonalds.
DeleteWhat I meant to say is that the workplace requires that employees show some initiative. If there isn't a stapler available, one has to make the effort to get one either by borrowing one from a colleague or ordering one.
DeleteNo, I know, I was just making a funny. I guess it wasn't that funny. But I agree with you.
DeleteThey can become civil-service employees! I hear it's incredibly difficult to get fired once you've passed probation.
DeleteI used to want a powerpoint to learn 'em up on how to pass in their papers--you know, the kid in the BACK hands his to the chick immediately in front; she adds hers to his and passes both to the kid in front of *her* and so on and so forth until they reached the front, then the dude on the RIGHT passes his pile to the kid next over and so on. They COULD. NOT. DO. IT.
ReplyDeleteSo now I make them line up alphabetically (with or without completed work--LOVE recording that zero as the kid acknowleges emplty hands)to turn stuff in.