Monday, January 7, 2013

College Essay Misery

Sure, do you need
me to do anything
else while I'm on
the computer?
I teach high school seniors. This time of year is the time when they all feel entitled to have me personally edit their college admissions essays. If they are polite enough, I do it. Last Friday a kid dropped off an awful specimen for me to look over. I told him to give me about a week. The next day (Saturday) I got the following email from her:

Hey I just realized that essay I gave you is due today!!!!! But I gave you my only copy and I didn't save it!!!! Can you edit it and type it for me asap!!!! Thank you so much!

I didn't answer. And I felt a great sense of peace as I deleted that email. Guess that kid won't be going to college.

13 comments:

  1. AnonymousJanuary 7, 2013 at 1:54 PM

    I always do my best to help my students. This is why it's so disheartening to get a student about whom one has no choice to write in an honest letter of recommendation, "This student is just plain stupid, and cannot be helped."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. StrelnikovJanuary 7, 2013 at 2:01 PM

      Add "take him into the back room and shoot him" and I'm sold.

      Delete
    2. AnonymousJanuary 7, 2013 at 2:07 PM

      Now, now, Strel. I say let him work full-time in a fast food outlet for a year. If that doesn't improve his intelligence, by all means, be my guest, and shoot him then.

      Delete
    3. Middle-Aged and MoroseJanuary 7, 2013 at 6:27 PM

      the world needs ditch diggers too..

      Delete
  2. InvertedSquareJanuary 7, 2013 at 2:04 PM

    (A bit of a topic derailment). "Back in the day" I tested a theory by writing a 2 page (double spaced) essay in 10 minutes. Sat down, started typing, hit print, and mailed it off. No drafts, no editing, no planning. Got accepted with a scholarship attached.

    Either I'm a brilliant snap-shooter when it comes to essays or they don't read them or they don't care vs. SAT / GPA scores. Probably one of the latter.

    Moral of the story: this kiddie could have a brilliant essay but is probably so retarded that his SAT score sucks so he wouldn't get accepted anyways.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. InvertedSquareJanuary 7, 2013 at 2:05 PM

      And dafuque is with the five exclamation marks? It's even more annoying than all caps.

      Delete
  3. AnonymousJanuary 7, 2013 at 4:23 PM

    Every time you prevent an idiot from going to college, an angel gets its wings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Prof PoopieheadJanuary 7, 2013 at 8:35 PM

      This should be POW.

      Delete
    2. The Contemplative CynicJanuary 7, 2013 at 9:46 PM

      This should be our motto!!!

      Delete
    3. Academic MonkeyJanuary 8, 2013 at 2:48 AM

      Beaker Ben has already given us our maxim: never care more about students' educations than they do. We should collect his words of wisdom and sing hallelujah.

      Delete
  4. Polar BearJanuary 7, 2013 at 4:29 PM

    Thank you for your service. Keep up this filtering activity! I love you! (like a sibling, I mean)

    ReplyDelete
  5. GuestJanuary 8, 2013 at 2:32 AM

    I would not like being as teacher, I know my classmates do things like this and it's kind of sad.

    ReplyDelete
  6. YoungrinApril 25, 2013 at 7:21 AM

    Thank You For Teaching us about college essays.

    ReplyDelete

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