I wanted to write you about the grade on my paper draft. I don't think it was fair to grade my draft that way. I think you should have graded my effort and not the quality of the work.
Confused Carl
Hi Carl, DR. Bison here.
Thanks for the feedback on my teaching practices, I can tell you thought long and hard about things. Sadly, grading for effort isn't approved in the faculty manual we have here at Type 7 Poop College. My boss tells me we grade for quality, even on drafts. You can't just wipe your ass on a piece of paper and expect to get an A, even if I call it a draft. You still have to put in coherent sentences, check your spelling, and a few goddamn commas. To be honest, my standards are extremely low. They get lower every semester. Want to know why?
I don't give a shit.
It's the emails I get from students. Take yourself. You've emailed me about your lengthy illness. Your child care problems. Your deceased relatives. Why you need to miss a certain day (no, we never cover anything important in class! Skip all of them!) That's life, and it's hard, I get it. I have one too (I mean, when I'm not responding to these emails, anyway). But guess what?
I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit if you turn in your assignment or not, or if you're in class or not. You are paying for this experience and I'm getting paid a pittance to give you high quality instruction. But you have to meet me here. If you don't come, I still get paid the same per class.
Ah, but I digress. Thanks again for the feedback on my grading. But I'm sure you've caught on just how seriously I take your email:
l don't give a shit.
Hugs and kisses,
Dr. Bison
Whenever students tell me transparently obvious lies about why they won't be in class on Friday, I wish they'd just tell me they won't be in class on Friday, since I didn't even ask for the obviously false excuses, or any excuses at all.
ReplyDeleteWe need this post up every day, as a reminder.
ReplyDeleteMr Bison, I feel that your biased to me because I'm from Buffalo.
ReplyDeleteAlmost... It should be "Mr Bison i feel that your bias to me because Im from Buffalo."
Deleteor "hey bisen i feel that your bias to me becaus im from buffalo."
DeleteYou all have no idea how close you really are to the truth. I significantly edited the email. I had to infer the meaning, because it made no sense as written. I almost emailed them back: "I will give you points back if you can actually write a coherent argument about your grade."
DeleteThanks for the laugh Dr. Bison. Many students think they should be graded on effort as an unfortunate consequence of Grades K-12.
ReplyDeleteBuffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo bison.
ReplyDeleteJust made my poor students diagram this sentence (for fun). Yes, fun.
DeleteHoly crap do I need a drink after today. I hate grading.
ReplyDeleteI watch "Jonny Quest" while grading. I've seen every one of the episodes many times, so I don't need to pay attention to the video, and yet it's enough to keep me going, much like listening to music that doesn't divert my attention. Plus, more than enough of the villains meet violet deaths that are their own faults, just like I know my students will if I don't grade hard. Everyone benefits!
DeleteI'd rather grade than respond to emails like that.
DeleteRespond? My favorite one was the guy (not a current student) who emailed me wanting an interview to "discuss the possibility" of changing the grade I had given him last semester, "surely due to a misunderstanding" ( sic ) Hahahaha thanks for brightening my day. Didn't get a reply, either.
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