Friday, March 1, 2013

Advice from Beaker Ben

No, don't worry, not really from me.  It's time for your dose of wisdom from

Ask an Unethical University Admissions Officer

Dear Mr. Unethical,

I'm a 25 year old single guy who is having trouble finding girls to date.  I'm a nice guy, not bad looking, I have a job and rent an apartment.   I shouldn't have any problems finding a woman but nothing I try is working.  I've looked in bars, church and the grocery store.  I just can't seem to find any girls interested in me.  What am I doing wrong?

Looking for Love


  1. "Mothers I'd Like To Fail"

    Coffee on the keyboard, the screen, the desk, my pants....

  2. Is it just me, or does this guy sound like the G-Man?

  3. I've been trying to explain to friends why the fact that a school accepted their daughter early, and is courting her assiduously (including offering a very, very nice financial aid package), might not be the best choice for her (she has applied to, and has a reasonable chance of being admitted to, some far more challenging schools, including a couple that are also pretty generous with financial aid, but probably won't court her as hard, because they don't need to). In this case, the incentive doesn't seem to be the tuition payment, so I suspect it's what her SAT scores and GPA will do for their averages on those lists administrators love so much (and/or being able to say that someone who is already highly competent, and shows every likelihood of continuing to be so, is one of their graduates). I actually used the dating metaphor (the line between courtship and stalking), and I think they got it (and apparently hadn't thought about it that way at all before. Eek! Is this yet another side effect of every parent thinking their kid is uniquely wonderful these days? That suspiciously strong interest in said kid doesn't raise any protective hackles?)

    1. That's exactly what I was going for in this post. I can't blame parents who think their kid is a genius when the college treats the kid like a genius. I hadn't thought about colleges collecting students just for their SAT scores but that makes perfect sense. They are diabolical.