"I'm not gonna lie . . . "
Yes, you are. By saying that, you imply that you would regularly lie to someone, but have decided not to lie to me. You expect praise for basic honesty, but since this is always followed by an admission that failed to meet some expectations, it doesn't matter that you're honest. You're still screwed.
"I just feel . . . "
I don't give a crap what you feel. I really don't. This is a matter of academic discourse, and feelings are not part of it, at least, not overtly. Please just tell me what you have reasoned out, and do not sit on your gut like it's a papal cathedra. This would be okay if you then asked, "but is that true?" but you don't. You just stop, and that's it. We are to bow to the wisdom of your solar plexus.
"It's not fair."
I am so scrupulously fair that it drives the people who know me nuts. I've been known to drive twenty minutes back to the store to give back an extra dollar in change. To accuse me of not being fair reveals that you don't know what the word means. In fact, what you mean by "it's not fair" is "It's not something I like."
"Can we get out early?"
Yes. You can leave at any time you like. I will not stop you, guard the door, or ask any questions, because I do not care what you do with your money. I happen to be an expert in my field, and I'm going to be here for the next hour to talk about a topic in my field, answer questions, and guide planned activities designed to teach you. If you're not here, that is not my problem. You can get out early every goddamned day.
"Will this be on the test?"
It will now.
"Are we turning this in?"
I get it. You're asking this because you want to know if you're using a fresh sheet of paper for it or can put it on the back of your notes. But I still hear, "should I take this seriously?"
"Did I miss anything?"
"There are many . . . "
If your thesis starts with "there are many," please roll up the paper, set it aflame, and use it to light a joint, because that's what I want to do with it every time I see it.
"This is gay."
Yes, I think it's interesting as well. Thank you. Of course, if you meant that as an insult, welcome to college. You're now the kid who said "this is gay" to a professor. Even your peers now think that you are an idiot and probably will for quite some time. Good luck, jackass.