A student emailed me the night before class to say: "Hi prof, the dryer in the dorm is broken so i can't dry my clothes and literally don't have athing to wear so will not be in class tomorrow."
I haven't even replied back, because I'm afraid my response will be so vitriolic, nay, so nuclear-scorch-level sarcastic, that the mere act of the student opening my email will cause their laptop, and more importantly, their FACE, to burn right off in a glorious fireball.
No, but I wish I'd thought of that as a student. It might have worked back in yesteryear...
ReplyDeleteOh, and I hope they weren't naked while doing their laundry... ewww, now I have that picture in my head.
DeleteThere's no need to reply since the student did not ask your permission to skip class. He just said he would not be there. If you felt the need to respond, you could state that you will be attending class in clean clothes because you possess the basic skills to function as a human being in a post-Neanderthal world.
ReplyDeleteThat's probably too harsh on our evolutionary cousins. I apologize for any offense.
Wouldn't it be funny if some authority figure wanted the student to answer the door or leave the room, or to come to some office? Imagine telling the Dean of Students, for example, that a meeting is not possible because the student has no clothes to wear.
ReplyDeleteWere I to have the power, I would dispatch Student Emergency Services--or even the Official Red Cross!--to the child's dorm room with a sack fulla donations from the left-behind pile that always accumulates in building after building of campuses far and wide. You know, a parka here, a scarf there, a blue sock and a white one with a green and a brown stripe around the top, a pair of natty cords, possibly with schmear intact. Kid could STILL make class.
ReplyDeleteI love this idea!
DeleteI wish I knew where you were--if it isn't freezing outside, the damned student can come to class in wet clothes and just pretend he got caught in some heavy rain. Schools, colleges, and universities in India and surrounding areas manage to have classes during the monsoons.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the student would come for something he really doesn't want to miss, such as a quiz, extra credit or finding out in advance about some question that will be for sure on the next test. It would be funny to see how he would find a solution after all.
ReplyDeleteWhenever a student came up with a lame excuse, such as this one, I took it as a personal insult. It's bad enough that they chose to be disrespectful to me by not attending, but skipping out like that was a message from him or her that what I was teaching had no value to them whatsoever, making me feel like I was wasting my time.
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't take it so personally.
DeleteGee. I guess that hanging them up to dry has not occurred to them? Does this demonstrate a loss of common sense due to the proliferation of technology?
ReplyDeleteI know, right? The funny part is, I'm pretty sure the kid was telling the truth, and yet it was utterly beyond his scope of comprehension to just air dry the damn outfit!!
DeleteSince that happened the night before class, it would probably be wet the next morning. At least, thicker fabric such as denim would. I had actually assumed that the student would air dry the outfit at that point.
DeleteDuring my sophomore year, there was one washer/dryer for my entire 150-person dorm. My room was always draped with damp and drying clothes. I also schlepped my clothes to other dorms. Has using a different dorm's facilities crossed this guy's mind?
DeleteOr a laundromat in town?
DeleteIn college, I dried plenty of underwear with a hair dryer when the washers and dryers were broken...
DeletePerhaps he lives in a swanky dorm that has policies against clotheslines, like those of a home owners' association.
DeleteMy favorite one was sent last semester: "I can't make it to class because my girlfriend lost my car keys".
ReplyDeleteI thought that was so good, I just deadpanned: "OK, make sure you find out what was covered". I never saw him again, and he eventually dropped the class.
Dear Dirty:
ReplyDeleteAll you need to clean a pair of underwear is a sink, some soap, and a hair dryer. If you or someone in your dorm doesn't possess a hair dryer, then draping your underwear on the radiator will work just fine. See you in class tomorrow.
All the best.
Since I actually like doing laundry I would email the student back instructions on how to hand wash intimates and a shirt and pants/skirt, followed by instructions on how to dry them by rolling them in a towel and standing on it and then hanging the damp-dry clothing near a heating vent.
ReplyDelete"They'll be dry by tomorrow! And you will have learned a new life skill! See you in class!" I would write.
OMFG your not gonna belief my proffesor d.r Stella emailed me back and i thought she only new about hampster fur, but she nose so much more. she taught me how to dry clothess the Old-Fashunned way! she is so SMART. i am never gonna mis her class again.
DeleteBubba, now THIS student I'd want to kick out of my class. :)
DeleteStella, this is sheer brilliance...
DeleteInstructions from a female professor to a student about washing his intimates would be grounds for sexual harassment.
DeleteIf anyone were ever looking for the exact opposite of how thousands and thousands of people in a newly democratic country will walk 20 miles and then queue up for two days just to vote, this student's tale would be it.
ReplyDeleteStudents are always resourceful when going after something they really want. They know how to illegally download all kinds of things, travel vast distances for spring break, and sleep outside to get the newest iPhone. But they suddenly lack all resourcefulness when it comes to getting or accomplishing something school-related. Book not in the library? Can't do the research paper. Textbook sold out? Guess I'm not doing the reading this semester. Underwear too skanky? Can't come to class. Car not working? Forget the fact that there's a bus stop down the street--I guess I have to take this week off.
DeleteI honestly think they can solve problems, but only when they really, really want to.
This post is fake. Total BS.
ReplyDeleteThere's no way a student is e-mailing you the night before class.
LOL ;)
That's so sad, because in college, nobody ever borrows anyone else's clothes, ever.
ReplyDelete