Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Suspicious Minds

I'm caught in a trap
And I can't walk out
Until I grade this cheater's test

Why can't you see
What you're doing to me
When I can't believe a word you're saying?

Please drop this class tomorrow
I'll sign on the line
Or you can just take the F
I'll sleep very fine

[Add cowbell and background vocals, Cal]


  1. Strelnikov reply:

    I caught your little bastard,
    beat him black and blue and sent him to

    Labor camp
    (stomp, stomp)
    Labor camp
    (stomp, stomp)
    I sent him to my frakkin'
    Laaaaaaabor camp

    1. May have another stop Be prepared to take delivery of large crate stop May or may not have air holes stop

  2. Since I work at a state university, I get plenty of paperwork that reminds me that false statements would be a violation of state law. It's a good incentive to get everything right.

    Might it be possible to have students who cheat prosecuted for fraud? That's what it is, after all, and the result most definitely is to defraud the state out of something of definite monetary value.

    Private universities of course can sue anyone for any reason, although they need well-funded lawyers for that.

    1. I believe studies (which I am too lazy to look up, so take this with a grain of salt) have shown that writing and signing an honor code statement of some sort on each test reduces instances of cheating. I've been in places with and without such practices, and I can't say that it changed my behavior, but I'm probably not a good test case (I last cheated in elementary school, and not often then. Part of that is character, part of it is having a sense of proportion (possibly the same thing), and part is being fairly privileged in various ways, from being smart enough to succeed in most tasks to having a parent who did not go ballistic over grades to being pretty economically secure.)

  3. I'm sorry, Annie. You know, this is one of the hidden cost of cheating (and other snowflake behavior): it's a real drain on professors' time and (perhaps more important) energy. Nobody who does (mostly back-of-the-envelope so far, but I suspect more formal ones may be coming) time-motion studies of professors' work takes into account the extent to which one case of cheating (or suspected cheating) can wreck a day of grading. It's especially hard if you're quite sure the cheating is there, but you can't prove it (as with any other problem, your subconscious keeps working on it. That's a good thing with writing, research, assignment design, etc. It's less so when the energy gets expended on catching a cheater who cares far less about hir education than you do, no matter how far you lower your expectations).

    I'd like to see a psychologist and an economist (no, not an Ed.D.; I'm not sure what skills that degree actually signifies) team up and try to quantify this cost. Then, building on Frod's idea above, perhaps we could sue (or just bill) them? That would be an interesting approach; bill the (convicted) offenders for the faculty/staff hours necessary to process cheating cases. Of course, then *they'd* lawyer up, scream bloody murder, never admit responsibility (which is a possibility at my school, and one the highly competent staff in the relevant office usually get offenders to take, which saves a great deal of angst for all), etc., etc., etc.

    1. Yes, to all of the above. What's really sad is that it was so well written, and THAT is why I became suspicious and dug deeper. I wish I could accept very good work at face value, as being nothing more than very good work.

  4. I grade your homework and it's perfect
    The hard questions fully answered
    Come on, show us how it's done

    Sorry prof right now I can't
    My mind draws a total blank
    I wrote it down and then forgot

    I'm an athlete, we have tutors
    And a senior, need this class
    So why keep me here longer
    Just a C so I can pass